Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

Games / Movies / Music / Sports / Random Posts / Politics


Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > Chit Chat

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

Fri-Yay: Where Will The Good Place Go Next?; Everything's Gonna Be Okay at Freeform
ABC Mid-Season 2019 Schedule; Amy Sedaris Laffer Returns Feb. 19 on truTV
ABC Picks Up Comedy Starring Lake Bell, Dax Shepard; EPIX Dark Comedy Gets 3rd Season
Lifetime Brings in the Stars for Winter Movies; Celebs Line Up for CBS All Access' Twilight Zone
HBO Comedy Crashing Returns for Season 3; Nick Sitcom Starts Jan. 5
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of December 10, 2018)
SitcomsOnline Digest: Netflix Pays $100 Million for Another Year of Friends; Reboots of Night Gallery and New York Undercover


New on DVD/Blu-ray (October/November/December)

The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection Alice - The Complete Eighth Season Step by Step - The Complete Third Season

10/02 - The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 6th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 7th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 8th Season
10/02 - Ghosted - The Complete First Season
10/02 - The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One / Volume Two
10/02 - Police Squad! - TV and Movie Collection
10/02 - Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection
10/16 - Community - The Complete Series (Mill Creek)
10/23 - Alice - The Complete Eighth Season
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Two
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Three
10/31 - The Bad News Bears - The Complete Series - All 26 Episodes
11/01 - Episodes - Season 5
11/05 - Robin Williams - Comic Genius (includes Mork & Mindy)
11/06 - American Dad! - Volume 13
11/16 - Man with a Plan - Season One
11/20 - Step by Step - The Complete Third Season
11/27 - What I Like About You - The Complete Third Season
12/04 - Family Guy - Season Sixteen
12/04 - Perfect Strangers - The Complete Sixth Season
12/18 - Our Cartoon President - Season One
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-06-2017, 07:51 AM   #766
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,799
Default

A woman goes into a home decorating store and asks a clerk about their wallpaper selection.

"We have numerous designs," he says. "Not only that, we specialize in applying it to the walls for you."

"Well," the woman says, "if I buy my wallpaper here, can I put it on myself?"

"Of course you can," the clerk says, "but it looks better on the walls."
__________________
My blogs:

Miscellaneous Musings

Pictures of Beautiful Women

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE:

REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS SCOTT WALKER - RICK SNYDER - JOHN KASICH - RICK SCOTT - PAUL LePAGE

ON THE CHARGE OF IMPERSONATING AN OFFICE!!
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2017, 02:23 AM   #767
treky
star trek fan
Forum Veteran
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,914
Default

A guy walks into a physiatrists office and says "Doc, I need your help-I sometimes dream I'm a wig-wam and other times I dream I'm a teepee." The physiatrist said "I see your problem, you're two tents!"
__________________
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
treky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2017, 05:02 PM   #768
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,799
Default

Jerry asks Fred how his trip to Africa was, and Fred tells him it was great. "I went on a safari and saw lions, antelopes, rhinos . . .."

Just then Jerry notices the lucky charm Fred is wearing. "What's the lucky charm for?" He asks Fred.

"Oh, this," says Fred. "I wore it in Africa to keep tigers away from me. I hate tigers."

"There are no tigers in Africa," Jerry says.

Fred replies, "See how good it works?"
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2017, 11:46 PM   #769
treky
star trek fan
Forum Veteran
 
treky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 25, 2002
Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania
Posts: 12,914
Default

Name:  johnny joke.jpg
Views: 1
Size:  43.8 KB
treky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2017, 11:03 AM   #770
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,799
Default

Why did the golfer bring an extra sock to the golf course? In case he had a hole in one.
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2017, 07:46 AM   #771
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,122
Default

The fact that there is a HIGHWAY TO HELL
and only a STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
says a lot of
anticipated traffic numbers
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2017, 01:00 PM   #772
Penny Lane
Pol- Dark and Handsome
Forum Celebrity
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 02, 2001
Location: In Cornwall with Ross Poldark
Posts: 28,423
Default

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe stupid!
__________________
The Beatles saved the world from boredom- George Harrison
Penny Lane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2017, 03:39 PM   #773
AB
Supernatural - Dean Winchester
Forum Celebrity
 
AB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 26, 2006
Location: The South
Posts: 41,586
Default

If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
AB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-20-2017, 05:04 PM   #774
Steve M.
Holding the compass
Forum Celebrity
 
Steve M.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 07, 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 29,799
Default

How do I get my hair cut? Off.
Steve M. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2017, 11:29 AM   #775
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,122
Default

Got this in an email, thought I would share,

HOW TRUE IT IS...


The rules of rural Ohio are as follows:

1. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'dirt road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
2. They are cattle. They're live steaks or walking milk bottles. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? Rt 30 goes east and west, I-77 goes north and south. Pick one.
3. Pull your droopy pants up, you look like an idiot.
4. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
5. So you have a $60,000 car, we're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Ohio waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat scrapple, pot pie, funnel cakes, haluskie, pierogies, shoo-fly pie, apple butter, chow-chow, and schnitz un knepp. Don't like the sound of them or the names freak you out because you never saw a "Bon Appetit" article on them? Great, more for us!
9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving. And Yes.. We sometimes close schools for this!!!
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and Heinz ketchup. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat. It's not really chili.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high school football are as important here as the Browns and Bengals and a lot more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, community colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks who have been in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard - OH has one of the highest percentages of veterans in the entire country. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump-thump stuff is not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to # 3.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard--it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. You're not in Alaska. Worst case you may have to live a whole day without your croissants. The pickups with snow plows will have you out the next day.

A true Ohioian will copy and post this on their timeline. Everyone else can leave town!
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2017, 11:43 AM   #776
Penny Lane
Pol- Dark and Handsome
Forum Celebrity
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 02, 2001
Location: In Cornwall with Ross Poldark
Posts: 28,423
Default

[QUOTE=Foggy]Got this in an email, thought I would share,

HOW TRUE IT IS...


The rules of rural Ohio are as follows:

1. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'dirt road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
2. They are cattle. They're live steaks or walking milk bottles. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? Rt 30 goes east and west, I-77 goes north and south. Pick one.
3. Pull your droopy pants up, you look like an idiot.
4. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
5. So you have a $60,000 car, we're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Ohio waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat scrapple, pot pie, funnel cakes, haluskie, pierogies, shoo-fly pie, apple butter, chow-chow, and schnitz un knepp. Don't like the sound of them or the names freak you out because you never saw a "Bon Appetit" article on them? Great, more for us!
9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving. And Yes.. We sometimes close schools for this!!!
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and Heinz ketchup. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat. It's not really chili.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high school football are as important here as the Browns and Bengals and a lot more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, community colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks who have been in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard - OH has one of the highest percentages of veterans in the entire country. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump-thump stuff is not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to # 3.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard--it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. You're not in Alaska. Worst case you may have to live a whole day without your croissants. The pickups with snow plows will have you out the next day.

A true Ohioian will copy and post this on their timeline. Everyone else can leave town!


Same goes for Michigan! Howdy Neighbor!
Penny Lane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2017, 05:55 PM   #777
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,122
Default

So Penny ( howdy do neighbor)
How much S N O W do you have?
And how do you like the warm (Brrrrrrr) weather?
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2017, 06:20 PM   #778
Penny Lane
Pol- Dark and Handsome
Forum Celebrity
 
Penny Lane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 02, 2001
Location: In Cornwall with Ross Poldark
Posts: 28,423
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foggy
So Penny ( howdy do neighbor)
How much S N O W do you have?
And how do you like the warm (Brrrrrrr) weather?

By Christmas morning there was 7" of snow in our area(Flint). We almost didn't go out. We were expected to have dinner and gift exchange at my daughter's house. At around noon the sun came out so we decided to go. The roads were very slippery but we know how to drive on them. It has been very cold. But tomorrow it will "warm" up to 16 degrees. This has been the coldest Christmas season that I can remember. Usually the temps range from 20-30+ degrees. Cold weather really doesn't bother me. As long as I don't go outside! I'll take the cold over 90 degree weather any day! Stay warm!
Penny Lane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2017, 01:53 PM   #779
Foggy
Member
Senior Member
 
Foggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 20, 2014
Location: Zanesville Ohio
Posts: 1,122
Default

Cold is OK, but these frigid temperatures (single digits and below) have to go.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.... staying warm is easy as long as the power doesn't go off...lost power a couple days ago for about a half hour, outside temperature was 4 degrees.


Anyway bake to the jokes....

It was so cold outside---- the other day I saw Bronze Statutes with coats and wool scarves on.
Foggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2017, 05:53 PM   #780
AB
Supernatural - Dean Winchester
Forum Celebrity
 
AB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 26, 2006
Location: The South
Posts: 41,586
Default

What kind of sports car does a cat drive?

A Furrari.
Attached Images
 
AB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:59 PM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

VigLink badge

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.