Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

The Honeymooners (Sitcoms Online) / The Honeymooners links and theme songs at Sitcoms Online / The Honeymooners Photo Gallery


The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on Blu-ray
The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on DVD
The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
Buy The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series) on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4 on DVD

Buy The Very Best of The Honeymooners / The Best of The Honeymooners - The Lost Episodes / The Honeymooners Christmas Special
The Honeymooners Valentine Special / The Honeymooners - Second Honeymoon / Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners

Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > 1950s Sitcoms > The Honeymooners

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

WLNY's The Odd Couple Marathon on New Year's; ABC Orders More Episodes of Most Comedies
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of December 17, 2018)
SitcomsOnline Digest: The Conners Second Season Looking Likely; Apple to Produce New Peanuts Content
Fri-Yay: Where Will The Good Place Go Next?; Everything's Gonna Be Okay at Freeform
ABC Mid-Season 2019 Schedule; Amy Sedaris Laffer Returns Feb. 19 on truTV
ABC Picks Up Comedy Starring Lake Bell, Dax Shepard; EPIX Dark Comedy Gets 3rd Season
Lifetime Brings in the Stars for Winter Movies; Celebs Line Up for CBS All Access' Twilight Zone


New on DVD/Blu-ray (October/November/December)

The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection Alice - The Complete Eighth Season Step by Step - The Complete Third Season

10/02 - The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 6th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 7th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 8th Season
10/02 - Ghosted - The Complete First Season
10/02 - The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One / Volume Two
10/02 - Police Squad! - TV and Movie Collection
10/02 - Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection
10/16 - Community - The Complete Series (Mill Creek)
10/23 - Alice - The Complete Eighth Season
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Two
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Three
10/31 - The Bad News Bears - The Complete Series - All 26 Episodes
11/01 - Episodes - Season 5
11/05 - Robin Williams - Comic Genius (includes Mork & Mindy)
11/06 - American Dad! - Volume 13
11/16 - Man with a Plan - Season One
11/20 - Step by Step - The Complete Third Season
11/27 - What I Like About You - The Complete Third Season
12/04 - Family Guy - Season Sixteen
12/04 - Perfect Strangers - The Complete Sixth Season
12/18 - Our Cartoon President - Season One
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 12-14-2018, 07:37 AM   #391
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,567
Default

"Two-Family Car":

Ralph: "All right. You will have the car Monday-Friday. I will have the car on the weekends."

Ed: "Wait a minute. I work those days. You take the car five days and let me take the car two days."

Ralph: "Okay, your days are Wednesday and Thursday."

"Young Man With A Horn":

Ralph: "I don't remember the song I used to play on this cornette. I got the music right here."

(Ralph plays the cornette. No sound is heard.)

Alice: "Not so loud Ralph. You will disturb the neighbors."

"Young Man With A Horn":

(Ralph has been playing the cornete badly.)

Ralph: "Norton, would you mind taking these clothes upstairs to put on the clothesline?"

Ed: "Are you going to play the cornette?"

Ralph: "Yes."

Ed (taking the clothes): "I will be very happy too."

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

(Ed helps Ralph rehearse. Ralph is in the bedroom waiting to get out.)

Ed (reading the script): "Hello there!" (not reading): "Testing. Testing 1-2-3-4. Testing. Woof! Woof! Testing."

Ralph (opening the door): "Let's get going."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Conductor: "Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble?"

Ralph: "What seems to be the trouble? I'll tell you what the trouble is. First, he makes his and my wife miss the train because he can't keep an eye on them. Then, he comes in here and puts handcuffs on my wrists. That isn't enough. I ask him does he want a drink of water, no. I ask him if he wants something to eat, no. He doesn't want anything until he gets up there and says that he wants a match. Then on top of everything, I have to be handcuffed to this idiot all the way to Minneapolis."

Conductor: "Minneapolis? Gentlemen, this train isn't going to Minneapolis. We are going in the other direction to Norfolk, Virginia."

"Six Months To Live" (Color):

Telegram Man: "I was instructed to give this letter to Mrs. Kramden."

Ralph (taking the letter): "I'm Mister Kramden."

(The telegram man holds out his hand, expecting a tip.)

Ralph: "Your hand is very dirty."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

Ralph: "Norton, I must be nuts to go out every night when I have a darling wife at home."

Ed: "At least I got a good excuse."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "I don't mind if he eats like a garbage disposal, I just don't want him to sound like one."

Alice: "He has false teeth."

Ralph: "I know why. He wore out his real ones eating."

“Without Reservations”:

Ralph: "Your brother Stanley isn't coming. Stanley is a moocher, a chisler, and a bum!"

Alice: "What did you say?"

Ralph: "I said that he is a bum. Capital B-capital-u-capital-um. Bum."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2018, 08:06 AM   #392
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,567
Default

"Alice Plays Cupid":

Alice: "I will have you know my good man that that is what they are serving at the Eisenhower Inaugural Dinner."

Ralph: "Who's catering there, democrats?"

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ralph and Ed rehearse their mind-reading act in which Ralph will hold up an object while Ed tries to guess it with the help of Ralph's clue while he can't see. Ed's eyes are closed while Ralph holds up a watch.)

Ralph: "Watch out for this, o' swami."

Ed: "What's the clue?"

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Ralph: "Alice, I hope that you are satisfied. You are the first woman in history to interupt that Raccoon song."

Alice: "Well Scottie-Wattie-Do-Dah-Day!"

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man in this city that's strong enough to do that."

"House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove"):

Ralph: "What's the matter with you? Here my house is braking up and my happiness is being destroyed and you want to go bowling."

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. How about a little game of pool?"

"Box Top Kid Part 1":

Ed: "Hey, whay don't you name the dog 'Ralph'?"

Ralph: "'Ralph?'"

Ed: "Yeah, that way not only people can call him, dogs can call him. Ralph. Ralph."

(Ed makes barking sounds.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Hot Tip":

Ralph: "Where did you get that jacket?"

Ed: "That is what they are wearing down at the track."

Ralph: "Yeah, the horses. But not the people."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

(Ralph enters the room. Alice's Mom doesn't see him.)

Alice's Mom: "Hello Ralph!"

Ralph: "Hello! How did you know it was me?"

Alice's Mom: "I could hear the floor sag."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2018, 07:43 AM   #393
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,567
Default

"TV or Not TV":

(Ralph is trying to tell Alice that he has more money in is wallet than Ed.)

Ralph: "I have it here."

(Ralph points to his hip pocket.)

Alice: "You have it here..." (Points to her left hip.) "...you have it here..." (Points to her right hip.) "...and you have it here." (Points to her stomach.)

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "What is the first thing that a person has to do if he wants to sell something?"

Ed: "Well, first they look your name (Ralph's) in the phonebook and then they try to sell it to you."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "I'm going to get his job back for him Alice. Tomorrow, I am going to go down that sewer tomorrow and speak to Ed's boss. there isn't anything in this world that is going to stop me from going down that sewer tomorrow."

Alice: "Oh no? There isn't a manhole in this city that you can fit through."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "What kind of life do you think that I lead in this city driving a bus all day? What do I hear? Taxi horns, police whistles, fire engines, breaks schreeching and people hollering. When I finish my work and come home what do I hear? Babies crying, garbage cans-a-rattlin', peddles-a-yellin'. I ask you. What do I have to do to get a little peace and quiet?"

Alice: "Why don't you shut up?"

"My Fair Landlord":

Ralph: "The person who lent me this place was an ex-GI."

Alice: "Who was he, Benedict Arnold?"

"My Fair Landlord":

Ed: "Can you paint this place during a time when I am not here like on a Sunday?"

Ralph: "Why not now?"

Ed: "I can't stand the smell of paint."

Ralph: "Are you kidding me? You work in the sewer all day and you can't stand the smell of paint?"

"Sees All, Knows All":

Ralph: "Norton, I am not going to die."

Ed: "You mean never?"

"Lawsuit" (Color):

Ed: "I know a person who died from stubbing his toe?"

Man: "Stubbing his toe? How is that possible?"

Ed: "He stubbed it on the Grand Canyon's edge."

"Lawsuit" (Color):

(Ralph is trying to stand on his bad leg while Ed is cracking walnuts.)

Ralph (yells): "I BROKE IT ALICE! I BROKE IT!"

Alice: "That was Ed cracking walnuts."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "YOU ARE A MENTAL CASE."
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2018, 07:46 AM   #394
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,567
Default

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "Is that you Mr. Johnson?"

Mr. Johnson (from outside, yells): "YES IT IS MR. KRAMDEN AND I HAVE THE SHERRIFF WITH ME. OPEN UP!"

Ralph: "Are you crazy? If I open the door, you will slap me with a rent
increase. Ha ha. I am not opening up."

Mr. Johnson (from outside, yells): "STAY IN THERE. BUT THE SHERRIFF IS POSTING ONE OF HIS MEN IN THIS HALLWAY AND THE MINUTE YOU OPEN THAT DOOR, HE WILL SLAP YOU WITH AN EVICTION NOTICE AND DON'T TRY TO GO OUT THE FIRE ESCAPE. HE WILL HAVE A MAN OUT THERE TOO."

(Ralph looks scared.)

Ralph (to Alice): "Just what I told you. He is scared to death."

"The Safety Award":

Man: "How close are you to Ralph Kramden?"

Ed: "I am as close as anybody can get to Ralph Kramden."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "When I win the contest, I am going to get myself a leather lumbar jacket, a pair of bowling shoes and before I am finished, you will get a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"Two Tickets To The Fight":

Ralph: "At least my relatives don't come by unexpected."

Alice: "No, they come as steady as clockwork. Three times a week."

"Happiness Is A Rich Uncle":

Alice: "This picture must be 15 years old."

Ralph: "Yeah. I seem to remember that dress."

Alice: "You should. I wore it yesterday."

"Happiness Is A Rich Uncle":

(They are inside Uncle Howard's mansion.)

(Howard picking up a vase):

Howard: "They think that one day, all of this will be there's."

Ed: "Howard, quick fooling around with Ralph's vase."

"The Sun & Raccoon Capital":

(Ralph brings out his Raccoon pants that are now so big that they don't fit him.)

Ralph: "If I go out in these, I will be a laughing stock."

Ed: "If you don't, you will get a few laughs too."

"The Sleepwalker":

Ed: "With all the noise, you woke me up from a sound sleep."

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "I woke him out of a sound sleep? I woke him out of a sound sleep?" (stepping on the thumbtacks that he dropped,
yells): "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2018, 05:54 AM   #395
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,567
Default

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Alice: "We have to get rid of Happy. He's too big for this apartment."

Ralph: "He's too big for a zoo."

"The Loudspeaker":

(Ralph slips on the rock candy.)

Ralph (yells): "ROCK CANDY, WHAT DO YOU HAVE, ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME OR SOMETHING NORTON?"

Ed: "What are you yelling at me for? You got rid of the hic-koffs, didn't you?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "You got no sense of humor."

Alice: "Oh yes I do. I married you, didn't I?"

"Move Uptown":

Ralph: "Where's Norton? We have to unload the trailer."

Trixie: "I don't know."

(Crash! Clatter! Bing! Bang! Boom!)

(Ed comes out with a lot of pots and pans attached on him.)

Ralph: "What's the matter with you?"

Ed: "Shhh."

Ralph: "Don't 'shh' me."

Trixie: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Ed: "No, I didn't. Luckily, the pots and pans broke my fall."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(All of them are in the lemon of a cottage.)

Ed: "This cottage isn't so bad."

Trixie: "Maybe not for a guy who spends most of his life in the sewer."

"Ralph's Diet":

Alice: "Look at the stomach."

Ralph: "That is not my stomach."

Alice: "What is it?"

Ralph: "It happens to be a very low chest."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Alice: "Me & Trixie are rehearsing."

Ralph: "For what, the Bellevue Follies?"

"Boy Next Door":

(Ralph just found out that it was Ed who wrote the note.)

Mrs. Patterson: "Notice the open o's."

Ralph: "Open O's? I will open his head."

"The Deciding Vote":

Alice: "Ralph, what are you going to do?"

Ralph: "I will give that bum (Ed) a reference." (reading): "'How long have you known the applicant?' Too long." (reading): "'Is the applicant trustworthy?' Don't make me laugh." (reading): "'In your opinion, is the applicant a good character?' The applicant is a bum!"
Frank Gannucci is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:18 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

VigLink badge

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.