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Old 06-22-2006, 11:31 PM   #1
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Default The New Golden Girls

The New Golden Girls

Part One


Blanche Devereaux: Rue McClanahan
Rose Nylund Webber: Betty White
Dorothy Zbornak Hollingsworth: Bea Arthur
Lucus Hollingsworth: Leslie Nielsen

Guest Star: Burt Reynolds

Season 1: Episode 1: Pilot

(The same 1985-1992 theme song plays and the scene begins with Dorothy walking in from the Garage. She finds Rose asleep at the table.)

Dorothy: Hi Rose.

Rose: (Snoring)

Dorothy: Rose, Rose wake up.

Rose: Is it time to milk the cows Poppa?

Dorothy: No Ellie Mae, it's me, Dorothy.

Rose: Oh. Dorothy, so glad to have you back. I missed those smart ass comments.

Dorothy: Great to be back.

Rose: And you don't know how much Blanche and I appreciate you and Lucus putting up the money for the old house.

Dorothy: Hey, We've had some great times in this place. I just wish Ma was able to see this.

Rose: Dorothy, she would have been 99 years old, she wouldn't leave fingerprints anymore.

Dorothy: I know, I know.

(Dorothy gets up from the table and goes into the living room to find Lucus watching T.V.)

Lucus: Hi honey, whatcha been up to?

Dorothy: Same old. Waking Rose up from the kitchen table.

Lucus: That's the fifth time this week!

Dorothy: I know, and it's only Tuesday.

Lucus: So how was your day at work?

Dorothy: Work? What I do is not work. I work at Wal-Mart for God's sake as a greeter.

Lucus: Than quit. I mean there's nothing major we pay for.

Dorothy: I know. It's funny, before when I was a subsitute teacher, I lunged at any chance to take a day off. Now I can't stand to be at home.

Lucus: Maybe because Rose duty is a handful.

(Just then, Blanche walks in with a shopping bag.)

Blanche: Hi guys, how y'all doin?

Dorothy: Do I look like Dolly Parton to you?

Blanche: Maybe with tons of make-up, you could vagely pass. From far away.
Can't chat now, got a hot date. With an oil tycoon.

Dorothy: She's gonna need all day to look pretty enough for a man who has enough money to make Anna Nicole Smith happy.

Lucus: Where's Rose? She's been in there for quite a while.

Dorothy: I'll bet you $25 that she is sleep at that table.

Lucus: NO! That's a losing bet.

(Dorothy walks in to see Rose not at the table but sleep on the floor next to the stove.)

Dorothy: Rose, Rose this has got to stop. You could be serioulsy hurt if this continues.

Rose: I'm so sorry Dorothy.

(Blanche walks in wearing her new dress. It's a sexy blue dress, low cut. very revealing)

Blanche: Girls, does this dress show off my perky bosoms?

Rose: Either that or the duct tape pushing them up.

Blanche: Now just what does that mean?

Dorothy: Blanche, your breast sag so low they need wheel barrows to carry them.

(door bell rings)

Blanche: Girls, Lucus, this is Aiden Burton, the oil tycoon. (Burt Reynolds)
Aiden, this is Rose, My uncle Lucus, and his wife/my best friend Dorothy.

Aiden: It's very nice to meet all of you.

Rose: You know Aiden, you remind me so much of Burt Reynolds. A much younger version though.

Aiden: You know Rose, I get that alot, and I just don't see it.

Lucus: Night you guys, have a great time. (Closes door) My niece is such a cheap slut.

(Fades to black and goes to commercial)
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Old 06-23-2006, 01:16 PM   #2
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tell me what you guys think. if you don't like it, I won't finish. but if you do, I will.
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Old 06-23-2006, 03:41 PM   #3
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rotflmfao NICE
>>>>Kristin Herrera Fan
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Old 06-25-2006, 08:27 PM   #4
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Default Back From Commercial Break

(the show returns to find Dorothy and Rose waiting for Blanche to return from her date. Technically Dorothy is the only one up. If you catch my drift.)

Dorothy: (looking at Rose) This is unbelieveable. This is really unbelieveable, that a woman can just sleep anywhere. Well besides Blanche.

(Just then Blanche walks in and her heels wake up Rose.)

Blanche: Hi girls.

Dorothy: My talking couldn't wake you up Rose? This is really unbelieveable.

Rose: How was your date Blanche?

Blanche: Wonderful!! We had the greatest time.

Dorothy: She means before you went to the motel.

Blanche: I mean it, I had a nice time, where's Lucus?

Dorothy: Sleeping, he had a rough day.

Rose: Yeah, sitting on your fanny all day can wipe a person out.

Dorothy: For you information Rose, he's been car shopping this week. I need a new car.

Blanche: There's Nothing wrong with your car.

Dorothy: Let's just say, Lucus and I wore it out in the past 2 weeks.

Rose: Wore it out how Dorothy?

Blanche: OOOOH Dorothy Zbornak I don't believe what I'm hearing.

Rose: I can't believe you just called her Dorothy Zbornak.

Blanche: Did I call you that? Oh, I apologize.

Rose: Dorothy, how's Stan doing anyway?

Dorothy: The last I heard from him was when his new invention took off the ground.

Blanche: What was that?

Dorothy: Oxy-duster.

Rose: We won't ask.

Blanche: How are the kids?

Dorothy: Michael has his own record label, and Kate has become a lawyer.

Blanche: Rebecca finally got married. To a handsome doctor.

Dorothy: Rose, how are your kids doing?

Rose: (Snoring)

Dorothy: Let's leave her here.

Blanche: Let's go.

(The next morning, Rose is still at the table when the girls and Lucus walk in)

Lucus: This is so unreal. Rose get up.

Rose: Oh, not again. This is serious.

Blanche: I just realized something. The schedule Rose was on could be the problem.

Lucus: What schedule?

Dorothy: I remember, wasn't Rose working at McDonalds at night, like 6-12

Lucus: But that was like 3 years ago.

Blanche: But it still could have affected her sleeping patterns.

Rose: When I was working there, I would be drinking like 4 cups of coffee a night. Then on the way home, I drink another cup.

Blanche: What time were you getting asleep?

Rose: Like around 3 or 4.

Dorothy: And if you didn't get enough sleep, then you'd fall asleep even later in the day.

Lucus: Problem solved. Who wants coffee?

(The scene changes and the girls are sitting out on the Linai)

Rose: Dorothy, tell us how Sophia died.

Dorothy: (Sighs) Well she had a second stroke. This time it took, completely, both sides of her brain. God I miss that woman.

Rose: Miles died from a heart attack. But at least this time it wasn't when we were making love. It was on the way home from the grocery store, I was so scared. Two husbands, two heartattacks, two broken spririts.

Blanche: At least we're still here together, together forever.

(Goes to commercial)
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Old 07-09-2006, 11:08 PM   #5
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Default Final Return from commercial

Everyone is sitting outside on the linai, Rose is looking up at the stars. Dorothy and Lucus are cuddled up together, Blanche is reading a book.

Lucus: This is a beautiful night.

Dorothy: It sure is.

Rose: It reminds me of a time in St. Olaf when Lars.........

B,L,D: Shut up Rose.

Blanche: It sure does feel good to be back. I've missed this place.

Rose: Feels like we've never been gone you know? The muskateers are back.

Dorothy: Minus one muskateer.

Blanche: You still have the other two to lean on.

Dorothy: I'll never forget that.

Lucus: Come on let's go in.

Closing Credits
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Old 07-10-2006, 05:53 AM   #6
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Very funny and clever, GGLover!!!
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Old 01-13-2008, 08:25 PM   #7
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Hey gals and guys. may i try Fan Finction with you? I love this SHOW..
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Old 12-18-2008, 07:16 PM   #8
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Very Funny. Send it to Hollywood and get the show back on the air!!!
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Old 08-14-2009, 10:13 PM   #9
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[quote=GGlover]The New Golden Girls

Part One


Blanche Devereaux: Rue McClanahan
Rose Nylund Webber: Betty White
Dorothy Zbornak Hollingsworth: Bea Arthur
Lucus Hollingsworth: Leslie Nielsen

Guest Star: Burt Reynolds

I'm new to these boards.

For some reason I just loved reading "Rose Nylund Webber." It's sad to think of Miles dying, but I know you did that so Rose could have ended up with him yet still be "one of the girls" for your story. I just posted my thoughts about where Golden Palace took that relationship on the thread "If you could rewrite the final two episodes...."
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