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Old 12-09-2014, 01:54 PM   #601
Penny Lane
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"Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin' is gone"- John Mellencamp
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Old 12-10-2014, 11:24 PM   #602
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny Lane


Cute!!


Here is how Frosty got his nose!!!!


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Old 12-25-2014, 02:55 PM   #603
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:59 PM   #604
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Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
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My favorite song: Hero

Last edited by Family Ties Forever! : 01-26-2015 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 01-08-2015, 12:07 AM   #605
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Twenty Questions

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
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Old 01-16-2015, 07:24 PM   #606
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Saw this one online. How the many religions deal w/ sh*t.



Catholicism:
If **** happens, you deserve it.


Protestantism:
**** happens because you're not working hard enough.


Presbyterian:
This **** was bound to happen.


Lutheran:
If **** happens, don't talk about it.


Fundamentalism:
If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)


Judaism:
Why does this **** always happen to us?


Christian Science:
The **** is all in your mind.


Jehovah's Witnesses:
May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our ****?


Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this ****!


Buddhism:
If **** happens, it isn't really ****.


Hinduism:
This **** has happened before.


Islam:
If **** happens, kill the one responsible.


Agnostic:
**** might have happened; then again, maybe not.



Atheism:
What ****?
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Old 01-23-2015, 09:55 AM   #607
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Old 01-23-2015, 08:40 PM   #608
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That's funny Marlene!
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:00 PM   #609
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TO MY POLITICALLY INCORRECT FRIENDS



>
> A fleeing Taliban
> terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding
> through
> The Afghan desert when he saw
> something far off in the distance. Hoping
> To find water, he hurried toward the
> mirage, only to find a very frail
> Little old Jewish man standing at a
> small makeshift display
> Rack, selling ties. The Taliban
> terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
> "The Jewish man replied, "I
> have no water. Would you like to buy a
> tie? They
> Are only $5.00.”The Taliban shouted
> hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need
> such
> An over-priced western adornment! I
> spit on your ties. I need
> Water!" "Sorry, I have no
> water. Just ties, pure silk, and only
> $5.00."
> "Pahh! A curse on your ties! I
> should wrap one around your
> Scrawny little neck and choke the life
> out of you, but I must conserve
> My energy and find
> water!"
> "Okay," said the little old
> Jewish man, "It does
> not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or
> that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I
> will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you
> continue over that hill to the east
> For about two miles, you will find a
> restaurant. It has the finest food
> And all the ice-cold water you need.
> Go in peace!"
> Cursing him again, the desperate
> Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he
> crawled back, almost dead, and gasped: "They won't
> let me in without a tie!"
>
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Old 01-25-2015, 06:47 PM   #610
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This is so sad; from a proud, strong country to a laughing stock of the world.
Canadians Version of David Letterman's Top 10.
Just makes you want to shake your head in disbelief, and, just maybe choke someone in charge.

This is Canada's Top Ten List of America's Stupidity.
(Of course if we look like idiots under Obama- we are!)

#10 Only in America... could Democrat politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 per plate for an Obama campaign fund-raising event.

# 09 Only in America...could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General, and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black, while only 14% of the population is black, and 40+% of all federal entitlements also goes to black Americans.

# 08 Only in America... could they have had the two people most responsible for the American tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Mean Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

# 07 Only in America... can they have Islams terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

# 06 Only in America... would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens thousands of dollars for the privilege, while Obama lets anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just 'magically' become American citizens.
(probably should be number one)

# 05 Only in America... could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be called EXTREMISTS.

# 04 Only in America... could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

#03 Only in America... could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. Oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

#02 Only in America... could you collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7 Million PER MINUTE BY OBAMA, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.


And the #1....


# 01 Only in America... could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all.
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