Sitcoms Online - Main Page / Message Boards - Main Page / News Blog / Photo Galleries / DVD Reviews / Buy TV Shows on DVD and Blu-ray

View Today's Active Threads / View New Posts / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board

The Honeymooners (Sitcoms Online) / The Honeymooners links and theme songs at Sitcoms Online / The Honeymooners Photo Gallery


The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on Blu-ray
The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
Buy The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes on DVD
The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
Buy The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series) on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 1 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 3 on DVD
The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4
Buy The Color Honeymooners - Collection 4 on DVD

Buy The Very Best of The Honeymooners / The Best of The Honeymooners - The Lost Episodes / The Honeymooners Christmas Special
The Honeymooners Valentine Special / The Honeymooners - Second Honeymoon / Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners

Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums  

Go Back   Sitcoms Online Message Boards - Forums > 1950s Sitcoms > The Honeymooners

Notices

SitcomsOnline.com News Blog Headlines Twitter Facebook Instagram RSS

Comcast to Launch 2 New Networks; Disney Sitcom Launches Jan. 25
Showtime's SMILF Returns for 2nd Season on Jan. 20; Bunk'd Renewed for 4th Season Without Key Stars
Sitcom Stars on Talk Shows; This Week in Sitcoms (Week of November 19, 2018)
SitcomsOnline Digest: ABC Buys Rural Comedy From "Liberal Redneck" Trae Crowder; Crossover Event Planned for Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon
Fri-Yay: An Appreciation for Mike Schur's Comedies; IFC Acquires Pee-wee's Playhouse
Drunk History and Corporate Return in January; Jim Gaffigan Returns with Comedy Central Special
The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy in Color on Dec. 14; The CW Sets January 2019 Premiere Dates


New on DVD/Blu-ray (October/November)

The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection Alice - The Complete Eighth Season Step by Step - The Complete Third Season

10/02 - The Beverly Hillbillies - The Official Fifth Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 6th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 7th Season
10/02 - Bob's Burgers - The Complete 8th Season
10/02 - Ghosted - The Complete First Season
10/02 - The Love Boat - Season Four - Volume One / Volume Two
10/02 - Police Squad! - TV and Movie Collection
10/02 - Saved by the Bell - The Complete Collection
10/16 - Community - The Complete Series (Mill Creek)
10/23 - Alice - The Complete Eighth Season
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Two
10/24 - The Odd Couple (2015) - Season Three
10/31 - The Bad News Bears - The Complete Series - All 26 Episodes
11/01 - Episodes - Season 5
11/05 - Robin Williams - Comic Genius (includes Mork & Mindy)
11/06 - American Dad! - Volume 13
11/20 - Step by Step - The Complete Third Season
11/27 - What I Like About You - The Complete Third Season
More TV DVD Releases / DVD Reviews Archive / SitcomsOnline Digest


Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 11-08-2011, 07:38 AM   #616
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Election Day Quotes:

All Color quotes from "The People's Choice":

#1

(Ralph looks outside the window as Ed blows air into his paper bag and pops it. Ralph thinks that he has been shot and screams in pain. When he realizes what Ed did, he gets mad at Ed. Alice comes out.)

Alice: "What happened?"

Ralph: "Babyhead (Ed) had to break a paper bag."

#2

(Mr. Miller & Mr. Weaver want Ralph to run for Assembly.)

Mr. Miller: "I read some of his (Ralph's) interviews in the newspaper. He doesn't sound smart."

Mr. Weaver: "That is what we want. A stupid hero."

#3

Ralph: "I'm a hero. A hero. A heeero. Do you know what a hero is?"

Alice: "Yeah, a fat sandwich."

"People's Choice Part 2":

(Ralph & the rest of the gang are on the street with instruments [including Ed wearing a drum with suspenders], and advertisements that say: "Vote For Kramden.")

Man: "What do you know about an assemblyman?"

Ralph (giving the signal to Ed to start playing his drum that gives Alice the signal to play the cymbals): "What do I know about being an assemblyman? What do I know about being an assemblyman?" (hitting Ed): "What do I know about being an assemblyman? I'll tell you what I know about being an assemblyman."

(Ed plays his drums & Alice plays the cymbals while Ralph mouths words.)

(The music stops.)

Ralph: "That's what I know about being an assemblyman. Do you have any other questions?"

Man: "Yes. When did you four nuts escape?"

"The People's Choice Part 2":

Ralph (reading his speech to a couple): "'Friends, pretty soon it will be time to go to the polls and vote. You can vote for a guy like me, Ralph Kramden. A fearless citizen who has captured such ruthless people as Bullets Durgem or you can vote for the other guy, that dirty bum, Harvey Porter. If you elect me, I will give you honest government'..."

Woman: "Come on John."

(They leave.)

Ralph: "I'll put new parks in the benches. I'll..." (yells): "SHE WON'T BE SUCH A RIOT AFTER YOU MARRY HER."

"Forgot To Register":

Alice: "Harper is for people like us."

Ralph: "Harper is not for people like us. Penrose is for the little man and I am a little man. Don't you dare say it"

All from "The Deciding Vote":

#1

Alice: "You mean to tell me that you didn't vote for Frank McGillicuddy?"

Ed: "McGuillicuddy? I don't even know how to spell his name."

#2

Ralph: "All right Ed. If you did not not vote for me, than who did?"

Ed: "Joe Rumsey."

Ralph: "Joe Rumsey. That's impossible. Why would he do that?"

Ed: "Remember that vaccum cleaner you gave him. He tried it out. He didn't do so well with the oatmeal test either."

#3

(Ralph & Ed turn on the vacuum but it doesn't suck up dirt.)

Ed: "I think that motor needs a drop of erl."

Ralph: "Yeah, that is all that it needs. A drop of oil."

Alice: "A drop of oil? It wouldn't help if you dipped it in Texas."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:45 AM   #617
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Wednesday's Quotes:

"Something Fishy":

Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE NOT GOING!"

Alice (yells): "I AM GOING!"

Ralph: "The only place that you are going to is the moon."

"Move Uptown":

Mrs. Winters: "Do you and your wife have any wild parties?"

Ralph: "No."

Ed: "He hasn't even taken his wife out in the last five years."

"We Spy":

Ralph: "In a foreign country, you got to live like a native."

Alice: "In Brooklyn, I live like a native."

"We Spy":

Interrorgator: "What were you two doing in the Russian firing range?"

Ed: "I don't have to tell you anything. Because of the Geneva conventions, all I have to do is tell you my name, address & social security number."

"Follow The Boys":

Ed (to Ralph): "How now brown bovine."

Alice: "That is a new word he just learned."

Ralph: "Now, he knows three of them."

"Great Jewel Robbery":

Ralph: "In the race to get ahead, I am way out in front."

Ed: "Yes, you certainly are way out in front."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "You are to address me in a civil tongue."

Alice's Mom: "Oh, why don't you shut up?"

"The Adoption" & "Expectant Dad":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. Nothing wrong with that. They used to call us 'Big' Ralph & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"$99,000 Answer":

Herb Norris: "What do you do for a living?"

Ralph: "I brive a dus."

Herb: "You brive a dus?"

Ralph: "A dus I brive."

"This Is Your Life Part 1":

Ralph: "14 years, I fractured myself just to take care of her. Now, I just saw Alice coming out of an Italian restaurant with another guy. That's loyalty for you."

Ed: "The least she could have done was take a bus."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:25 AM   #618
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Thursday's Quotes:

"Vacation At Fred's Landing" (1954 version):

(A "real" bear comes to Ed. Ed thinks that it's Ralph in disguise. Ralph is in back of Ed.)

Ralph: "Norton, I am over here."

Ed (yells in fright): "EEE!"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ed: "You got a call from the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, the emperor of all Raccoondoom? I don't believe it."

Ralph: "Sure you don't because you never got a call from him."

Ed: "He doesn't have to call me. He works right beside me in the sewer."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ralph and Ed rehearse their mind-reading act in which Ralph will hold up an object while Ed tries to guess it with the help of Ralph's clue while he can't see. Ed's eyes are closed while Ralph holds up a watch.)

Ralph: "Watch out for this, o' swami."

Ed: "What's the clue?"

"Dinner Guest":

Man: "Me and my wife are big TV fans. Where's the TV?"

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "It's out getting repaired."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "We don't have a TV set."

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "We don't have a TV set."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "It's out getting repaired."

Ralph: "What my wife is trying to say is that if we had a TV set, it would be out getting repaired."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Ralph is eating a stick of celery with a fork and knife right by him.)

Alice: "Ralph, how do you like your supper?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THAT WAS MY SUPPER?" (picking up the utensils, yells): "WHAT ARE THESE THINGS FOR, TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH?"

"Dial J For Janitor":

(Ed is trying to bang his pipes to get water for his apartment. Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, WOULD YOU STOP THAT BANGING? I GOT A HEADACHE."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "I NEED WATER. I NEED TO TAKE A BATH."

Ralph (yells): "DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY DIRTY JUST FOR THE NIGHT."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Ed has been hypnotized to believe he's going to work.)

Great Fatchumara: "You are down in the sewer now."

Ed: "I am down in the sewer now. Prepare to submerge."

(Ed "submerges.")

Ed: "I am now walking in the water." (looking at Ralph): "Look out. There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby Dick."

"Sleppy Time Gal":

(Alice is making the Great Fatchumara, Ralph & Ed think that she is hypnotized.)

G.F.: "Mrs. Kramden, what do you think of your husband?"

Alice: "I don't want him. You can have him. He's too fat for me."

"The Sleepwalker":

Doctor: "Mr. Norton, I want you to count down from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Thelma: "O-KAY"

Ralph: "I said stop saying O-Kay It's very good sir, this happens to be my guest and I am your employer."

Thelma: "Some guest and some employer, The SIMP and the BLIMP!!"
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-11-2011, 07:23 PM   #619
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Veterans Day Quotes:

All C39 from "Please Leave The Premises":

#1:

Mr. Johnson: "The rent commission gave me permission to raise the rent. My reasons are right there in that note."

Ed: "I knew this would happen as soon as the war ended."

#2:

Ralph: "This is war Alice. Total war and it's going to be run like a war. George Washington never gave up. He fought for a cause the same way I am. I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."

Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."

#3:

Alice: "Do you realize that for the last few days, we hadn't had any heat, water or electricity. And now that you have this silly barricade up, we can't go out and buy any food."

Ralph: "I'm' not giving up Alice. I'm not giving up. Boy, a few inconvencies and right away you want to quit."

"Brother-In-Law":

Alice: "Frank has had this trouble with his back ever since the war."

Ralph: "Trouble with his back since the war? You're gith Alice. The war did give him a lot of trouble with his back on account he was hiding from the draft board in those damp cellars. That's why."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "What does a guy who works in the sewer that he needs $2 right
away."

Ed: "Today's payday and the men down the sewer got a little dice game going. Well, you might as well call it a floating crap game."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

(Alice's sister is giving a lot of luggage to Ralph who is giving the luggage to Stanley. One of the pieces being, a suitcase.)

Stanley: "I got it. I got it."

(Alice's sister gives Ralph a fourth suitcase.)

Ralph: "The allies invaded Normady with less than this."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "Boy, if you were only miy size. If you were only my size..."

Alice: "If I was, I would be the fat lady in the circus."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "What is your middle name?"

Ed: "I rather not say."

Ralph: "Come on. Go ahead and tell us."

Ed: "Etherlburt."

"Ship Of Fools":

Ed: "I was in Europe once."

Man: "Did you like it?"

Ed: "No, the Germans kept shooting at me."

Happy Veterans Day!
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-12-2011, 07:57 AM   #620
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Saturday's Quotes:

"Catch A Star":

Alice: "Ralph, if you think that you are going to get Jackie Gleason to come to this dance of yours, you are out of your mind."

Ralph: "There she (Alice) is: Happy Mildred!"

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(Ralph is at the psychiatrist's office.)

Doctor (to Ralph): "You are going to like this. This is fun. This is an aptitude test."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "Nobody is 100% Alice."

Alice: "You are. You have been wrong every time."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Ralph: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and me."

Ed: "This poolroom isn't big enough for you and anybody."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "You're not stopping me. I am loaded with ideas."

Alice: "Anybody who hears those ideas will sure think that you are loaded."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "Another tail may be hanging from this Raccoon cap. Then another and another. Pretty soon, I can become a thirteen-tail man. Do you know what that is like Alice, to be a thirteen-tail man?"

Alice: "It must be pretty special since a monkey only has one."

"Unconventional Behavior":

(Ed & Ralph are handcuffed on a train. Ed tried saying "Boomph" to get out, like he was instructed but it doesn't work.)

Ralph: "I have had enough of the boomphing. Get the key out and open them up."

Ed: "There isn't a key. You got to boomph your way out."

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING TO BOOMPH YOU OUT OF THE WHOLE CAR."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I am the General. What I say goes."

Alice: "Then you better say Alice because I am going."

"Follow The Boys":

(Ralph comes home to a candlelit dinner.)

Alice: "Hello Ralph!"

Ralph: "So you forgot to pay the electric bill, huh?"

"Hero Part 1":

Mrs Halloway: "'He also says that if anybody says anything bad about you, he is willing to fight them."

Ed: "That kid is going to have a lot of fighting to do."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-13-2011, 06:59 AM   #621
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Sunday's Quotes:

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

Ralph (yells): "WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ALICE? WOULD YOU GET OFF
MY BACK? I TOLD YOU THIS PLACE WILL LOOK BEAUTIFUL."

Alice (yells): "YOU MADE A MISTAKE. WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT IT RALPH?"

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I ADMIT IT! I MADE A MISTAKE. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME. GO AHEAD AND KILL ME."

Alice (yells): "DON'T TEMPT ME RALPH! DON'T TEMPT ME."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

Doctor: "This is an aptitude test Mr. Kramden. You are supposed to take an object and fit it in its respective hole."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Ralph (to Carlos): "It's easy for you to play Sir Galahad. You don't work. When you work, you dance. That's not work. When we work, we work. Dirty work. Just take a look at my friend's hands and mine and yours."

Ed: "It's not fair to compare my hands to his. I got mine in water all day."

"On Stage":

(Ralph is thinking of how to greet the Raccoons in his letters.)

Ed: "How about 'Greetings!'?"

Ralph: "'Greetings?'"

Ed: "Yeah, the draft board did pretty good with that one."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

(The car won't start.)

Trixie: "Ralph, it might help if you turned the ignition key."

Ralph: "I was just about to do that. I just wanted to see if the battery was alive."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "First you almost made me lose my hearing. Then, you try to electrocute me. Why don't you help me some more, run over me with the car?"

Ed: "I can't get the car started."

"Play It Again, Norton":

Ralph: "I am a nobody."

Ed: "I could have told you that 10 years ago."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "The bills will get bigger and bigger and I will have less to eat. I will start losing weight. Then, do you know what I will look like?"

Alice: "Yeah, a human being."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "You want my salary to leak out?"

Alice: "Your salary coundn't even drip out."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-14-2011, 07:19 AM   #622
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Monday's Quotes:

"We're Off To See The Wizard":

(The girls are upset that the boys paid Emma and Clarance $200. Emma & Clarance fooled the boys ino thinking that there was buried treasure and sold them the map that guided them to the place where the "treasure" was for $200.)

Alice: "You two have cost us $200."

Ed: "$208. We paid Clarance $8 to borrow the shovel from him."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "Alice, come on out. Dynamite is here."

(Alice slams the bedroom door.)

Ralph: "I guess that she is still asleep."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ed: "Suppose they don't give me the promotion?"

Ralph: "Then you scare them. Tell them that after 17 years in the sewer, you are finally washing your hands of the whole thing."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "When I win that $100, I am going to get myself some bowling shoes, a leather lumber jacket, and you are going to get a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

(Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.)

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would like some of my records better. Here is a good one."

(Ed puts it on.)

(Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.)

(Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"Hair-Raising Tale":

(One of Ralph's failed inventions that was revealed in this episode was Glow in the Dark shoeshine polish.)

Ed: "Mr. Mitchell, would you like to try shoeshine polish that glows in the dark?"

Ralph (yells): "WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"Boy Next Door":

Ralph: "My dad once said this: 'For one of a sock, a shoe was lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a war was lost. For one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'"

Alice: "Yeah? Why don't you get lost?"

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ralph: "The more brains men have, the less hair they got."

(Alice puts her fingers in Ralph's hair.)

Alice: "I rest my case."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-15-2011, 07:12 AM   #623
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Tuesday's Quotes:

"A Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 1":

Ralph: "I got news for you Alice. Your husband is crazy."

Alice: "Okay. So what's the big news?"

"The Loudspeaker":

(Ralph slips on the rock candy that Ed put down.)

Ralph (yells): "ROCK CANDY?! WHAT DO YOU HAVE, ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME OR SOMETHING NORTON?"

Ed (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU YELLING AT ME FOR? YOU GOT RID OF THE HIC-
OFFS, DIDN'T YOU?"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Norton Moves In":

Ralph: "They are going upstairs."

Alice: "They are staying here."

Ralph (yells): "THEY ARE GOING UPSTAIRS."

Alice: "They are going upstairs over my dead body."

Ralph: "Don't tempt me."

"Pal O' Mine":

Trixie: "Ed said for all the sewerworkers to come formal to the party."

Alice: "Formal?"

Trixie: "White ties and black boots."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ralph: "How could I get there as fast as you Alice?"

Ed: "Take off 90 pounds."

"Brother Ralph":

Ralph: "You don't know how to handle money."

Alice: "Of course not. I never had any practice."

"Hot Tip":

(Ed comes in with a loud jacket.)

Ralph: "Where did you get that jacket?"

Ed: "That is what they are wearing at the track."

Ralph: "Yeah, the horses. Not the people."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ed: "How long is the lease for?"

Ralph: "The usual."

Ed: "What is the usual?"

Ralph: "99 years."

"Play It Again, Norton":

(Ralph & Ed went to see Mr. Worthiington Kenmore. Ed disguised himself to look 18. Later on, Washington Kenmore visited the Kramdens.)

Trixie: "I'm Treeny's high school sweetheart."

Worthiington Kenmore (looking at her): "You're kidding."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-16-2011, 07:48 AM   #624
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Wednesday's Quotes:

"Please Leave The Premises":

Mr. Johnson: "I couldn't just ask the rent commission for me to raise the rent. I had to prove hardship."

Ralph: "What did you use for evidence, a picture of this dump?"

"Principle of The Thing":

(The Kramdens have no water. Ed tries to listen to the pipes with a stethoscope to see what the trouble is.)

Ed: "There is your trouble right there. No water."

Ralph: "Did you hear that? He said no water. There's an intelligent man who has spent practically his entire life in the swer and believe you me when he says that there is no water, there is no water." (yells): "I KNOW THERE IS NO WATER."

Ed: "Now you are getting it from the expert's mouth."

"Principle of The Thing":

Ralph: "I think the wallpaper is pretty. Alice thinks it is rotten. What do you think?"

(Ed looks at it.)

Ed: "I think that you are both right. It's pretty rotten."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "The horoscope is bigger than I am."

Alice: "Nothing is bigger than you are."

"King of The Castle":

(Trixie kicked Ed out.)

Ralph: "I don't know what went wrong. I told you to say to her that you are the king of your castle."

Ed: "I knew my part. Trixie didn't know hers."

"You're In The Picture":

(The man is holding a picture of Ralph and a girl kissing. If Alice found out, she would get mad.)

Man: "You give me $500 so you can have this picture or I will give it to your wife."

Ed: "Don't take the money. Let Alice have the picture than you can get it from her for nothing."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

(Ralph and Ed try to lift the dresser.)

Ralph: "I'll count to three and on three we lift and then we heave ho. One..two...three."

(Ralph lifts the dresser but he can't lift his side of the dresser.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRGGGGH!" (normal voice): "Why didn't you lift?"

Ed: "We didn't heave ho."

"We Spy":

(Ralph & Ed greet the girls wearing Russian uniforms. They try telling the girls the story about them being mistakes for spies in Russia.)

Ralph: "Honestly I am telling the truth. Where do you think we got these clothes from?"

Alice (reading the label on Ralph's uniform): "'The Fat Man's Shop.'"

"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

(Ed & Ralph are sparring with each other.)

Ed: "Cover up your face! Cover up your face!"

(Ralph does that. Ed hits him in the stomach.)

Ralph (yells in pain): "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA! WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME IN THE STOMACH WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO COVER UP MY FACE?"

Ed: "That should tell you not to trust anybody in the ring."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-17-2011, 07:26 AM   #625
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Thursday's Quotes:

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "Just remember; you can't put your arms around a memory!"

Alice: "I can't even put my arms around you!"

"Brother-In-Law":

Ralph: "I'm the boss. You're nothing."

Alice: "Big deal. You are the boss over nothing."

"Kramden Vs. Norton":

Ralph: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and I."

Ed: "This poolroom ain't big enough for you and anybody."

"Hair-Raising Tale":

(Ed is gving the bottles to Ralph and saying what each and every bottle has. He picks up one of the bottles.)

Ed: "This is a tough one. 'Oliveoil.'"

(Ralph picks up the bottle and looks at the label.)

Ralph: "'Oliveoil?'" (yells): "THAT'S OLIVE OIL."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "There isn't anything in this world that's going to stop me from going down that sewer tomorrow and talking to Ed's boss."

Alice: "Oh no? There isn't a manhole in this city that you could fit through."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph. You're my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Without Reservations":

(Everybody is in the run-down hotel.)

Ralph: "We don't have to get the hotel ready until they build the highway."

Alice: "I think it would be easier if they built the hotel and we built the highway."

"Without Reservations":

(Everybody is in their respective uniforms. Ed's bellhop uniform barely fits.)

Ralph: "Are there any questions?"

Ed: "Yeah, how do I get out of this chicken outfit?"

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "You are so funny that I am going to put you in my act. It's going to be called: 'Punch & Judy.' And you are going to be Judy."

Alice: "And you are going to be Punchy."

Ed: "Punchy. Ha ha ha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!"
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-18-2011, 07:51 AM   #626
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Friday's Quotes:

"Please Leave The Premises":

Alice: "You got fingers in your gloves. Fix the silverware."

Ralph: "How would you like some fingers in your nose?"

"The Safety Award":

Man: "How close are you to Ralph Kramden."

Ed: "I am as close as anybody can get to him."

"Something Fishy":

Ralph: "When did you ever catch anything?"

Alice: "15 years ago. I caught 300 lbs. of blubber."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "Alice, come on out. Dynamite is here."

(Alice slams the bedroom door.)

Ralph: "I guess that she is still asleep."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "When we get to Fred's Landing, I won't even introduce you to Fred."

Alice: "Oooooh, from this blow I may never recover."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "What could a guy want that is down in the sewer that he needs two bucks right away?"

Ed: "You see, today is pay day and the guys got a couple of dice in the sewer, well you might call it a floating crap game."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "When I win that $100, I am going to get myself some bowling shoes, a leather lumber jacket, and you are going to get a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"The Honeymoon Is Over":

(Ed puts a beauty mark on Ralph's left cheek after the makeup put some makeup on Ralph's eyes and lipstick.)

Ralph: "What did you just do?"

Ed: "I put a beauty mark on your left cheek."

Ralph: "Why did you do that?"

Ed: "Without it, you look exactly like Barbara Streisand."

"Life upon the Wicked Stage":

(Alice is dressed up as a hula girl. Trixie is dressed up as a sailor. They are rehearsing for a talent contest. Ralph comes in.)

Ralph: "What are you doing and who is he?"

Alice: "That's Trixie."

Ralph (to Trixie): "All right. What are you doing and who is she (Alice)?"
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-19-2011, 07:30 AM   #627
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Saturday's Quotes:

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ed uses a lit match to look at the thermometer.)

Ed: "What is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"

Ralph: "98.6."

Ed: "What would you saya bad temperature is?"

Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"

Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Head of The House"):

Ralph: "I am a horse. You are a mouse."

Ed: "Well, let me say this. I rather be a live mouse than a dead horse."

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, how did Alice know of something like TV sets. I thought you kept her in the dark on things like that."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "All I know is that when I win the jellybean contest, I am going to get myself that leather lumbar jacket, a pair of bowling shoes and before I am finished, you will have a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah, and if you lsoe, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "I wear the pants around this house."

Alice: "Believe me, those pants would fit around this house."

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "If you can play music, you can play any kind of music."

"Ed: "Oh yeah? Name me one Rhumba that Beethoven wrote."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "You work in the sewer and you can't stand the smell of paint?"

Ed: "I got sick down there too. They were painting the sewer."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the mustard and sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I
want."

Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"

Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor
movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."

Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"

Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."

Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."

Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."

Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate beige."

Ed: "Yeah."

Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Trixie: "I married two dummies in one day."

Ed: "Are you insuinuating that I am the other dummy?"

Trixie: "Yes dear."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-20-2011, 07:35 AM   #628
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Sunday's Quotes:

"Norton Moves In" (Color):

(The Nortons come down and ask if they can spend the night since they can't stand the smell of the new paint in their house. Alice okays it. They leave. Ralph is still asleep.)

Ralph: "3am? Why did you wake me up at this time for?"

Alice: "Because the Nortons had their apartment painted today."

Ralph: "Did that newsflash just come across the radio?"

"Brother-In-Law":

Ralph: "You are a doer and I'm a thinker."

Ed: "You certainly are."

"A Man's Pride":

Alice: "Why can't we go to the Colonade Room?"

Ralph: "Name me one truck driver who eats there?"

"Better Living Through TV":

Trixie: "Someday Ed, you are going to ask me to do something for you."

Ed: "I am asking you right now. Leave."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Ralph: "This is only one of the branches of this bank."

Ed: "That is good for us."

Ralph: "Why?"

Ed: "Because if he doesn't give us the money, we can borrow a few bucks from each of the other branches."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Ralph: "Why did you have to wear that tie?"

Ed: "What is wrong with it?"

Ralph: "Look at the stain on it."

Ed: "That is all right. It's pot roast."

"My Fair Landlord":

Ed: "Can you paint this place during a time when I am not here like on a Sunday?"

Ralph: "Why not now?"

Ed: "I can't stand the smell of paint."

Ralph: "Are you kidding me? You work in the sewer all day and you can't stand the smell of paint?"

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "I got a solution on how we should remove the dresser. The drawers are probably filled with junk."

Ralph: "That's not a bad idea."

(Ed takes the drawers and puts them on top of the dresser.)

Ralph: "Okay, let's go."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-21-2011, 07:31 AM   #629
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Monday's Quotes:

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Alice: "There's an old wives' tale Ralph. 'A man works from sun-to-sun but a woman's work is never done.'"

Ralph: "Good gosh!"

"A Dog's Life":

(Ralph & Ed are thinking of what to name their dog food. Mr. Marshall will be one of the first people to taste it.)

Ed: "How about Kramden's Delicious Marshall."

Ralph: "What kind of stuff is Marshall?"

Ed: "Well, we don't know what this stuff is. You might as well call it Marshall."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph. You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I am your brother."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ed: "The door is busted."

Alice: "Don't be ridiculous. It's a Dutch door."

Ed: "Boy, those Dutch people must be very short."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Trixie: "I don't know how Ed can become unconscious so fast."

Ralph: "He has got a pretty good head start."

"Songs & Witty Sayings Part 1":

Alice: "Molly wally unga."

Ralph: "What does that mean?"

Alice: "That is Hawaiian for: 'Ahh, shut up.'"

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "Do you know what a manager and a trainer get of the purse? A third. Do you know what a boxer can get? $300,000 to $400,000 a fight."

Ed: "A strong kid like that can fight five or six times a week."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(Ralph is trying to do an aptitude test.)

Ed: "A five-year-old can do this."

Ralph: "Don't worry. I'll do it."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(The doctor gives Ralph a word association test.)

Doctor: "Man."

Ralph: "Woman."

Doctor: "House."

Ralph: "Furniture."

Doctor: "Dog."

Ralph: "Cat."

Doctor: "Bus."

Ralph: "Those dirty rotten passengers."
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Old 11-22-2011, 07:43 AM   #630
Frank Gannucci
Member
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,529
Default Tuesday's Quotes:

"Vacation At Fred's Landing" (1954 version):

(A "real" bear comes to Ed. Ed thinks that it's Ralph in disguise. Ralph is in back of Ed.)

Ralph: "Norton, I am over here."

Ed (yells in fright): "EEE!"

"The Loudspeaker":

Ed: "You got a call from the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler, the emperor of all Raccoondoom? I don't believe it."

Ralph: "Sure you don't because you never got a call from him."

Ed: "He doesn't have to call me. He works right beside me in the sewer."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

(Ralph and Ed rehearse their mind-reading act in which Ralph will hold up an object while Ed tries to guess it with the help of Ralph's clue while he can't see. Ed's eyes are closed while Ralph holds up a watch.)

Ralph: "Watch out for this, o' swami."

Ed: "What's the clue?"

"Dinner Guest":

Man: "Me and my wife are big TV fans. Where's the TV?"

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "It's out getting repaired."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "We don't have a TV set."

Ralph (speaking at the same time as Alice): "We don't have a TV set."

Alice (speaking at the same time as Ralph): "It's out getting repaired."

Ralph: "What my wife is trying to say is that if we had a TV set, it would be out getting repaired."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Ralph is eating a stick of celery with a fork and knife right by him.)

Alice: "Ralph, how do you like your supper?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THAT WAS MY SUPPER?" (picking up the utensils, yells): "WHAT ARE THESE THINGS FOR, TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH?"

"Dial J For Janitor":

(Ed is trying to bang his pipes to get water for his apartment. Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON, WOULD YOU STOP THAT BANGING? I GOT A HEADACHE."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "I NEED WATER. I NEED TO TAKE A BATH."

Ralph (yells): "DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY DIRTY JUST FOR THE NIGHT."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Ed has been hypnotized to believe he's going to work.)

Great Fatchumara: "You are down in the sewer now."

Ed: "I am down in the sewer now. Prepare to submerge."

(Ed "submerges.")

Ed: "I am now walking in the water." (looking at Ralph): "Look out. There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby Dick."

"Sleppy Time Gal":

(Alice is making the Great Fatchumara, Ralph & Ed think that she is hypnotized.)

G.F.: "Mrs. Kramden, what do you think of your husband?"

Alice: "I don't want him. You can have him. He's too fat for me."

"The Sleepwalker":

Doctor: "Mr. Norton, I want you to count down from 100."

Ed: "100...99...98...97...3."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Thelma: "O-KAY"

Ralph: "I said stop saying O-Kay It's very good sir, this happens to be my guest and I am your employer."

Thelma: "Some guest and some employer, The SIMP and the BLIMP!!"
Frank Gannucci is offline  
Closed Thread


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:48 AM.


Although the administrators and moderators of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards will attempt to keep all objectionable messages off this forum, it is impossible for us to review all messages. All messages express the views of the author, and neither the owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards, nor vBulletin Solutions Inc. (developers of vBulletin) will be held responsible for the content of any message. The owners of the Sitcoms Online Message Boards reserve the right to remove, edit, move or close any thread for any reason.

VigLink badge

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.