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Old 06-22-2018, 06:23 PM   #61
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Max: (to Caroline) "You might want to kickstart some underwear."

Han: "Can't you at least put your phones on 'vibrate'?"
Max: "I don't like to mix business with pleasure."
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Old 07-11-2018, 09:51 PM   #62
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Max: "I'm not projecting, I just know a deadbeat dad when I don't see one."

Caroline: (to Max)"Sitting on the stoop is nice. How come we never sit out here?"
(Two gunshots are heard, followed by a woman's scream.)
Caroline: "There it is."
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Old 07-11-2018, 09:54 PM   #63
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Caroline: (to Sophie)"What about sex?"
Sophie: "Oh. No one knows better than me."

Max: "We're not family until we have to testify against each other in a manslaughter trial."
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Old 07-11-2018, 09:56 PM   #64
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Max: "The only grand tetons Chestnut trusts are mine."
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Old 07-13-2018, 10:00 AM   #65
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Caroline: Sophie, it’s nice to see you so giddy about something.
Max: Yeah, you’re like me sitting on that broken washer at the laundry mat.
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I love all three boys from Home Improvement.

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"Ciao, baby!" - John Larroquette as Dan Fielding

Goodnight, sweet prince. Harry Anderson 1952-2018

Errrrrrruuuuuuuuahhh?? - Tim Allen
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Old 07-13-2018, 01:17 PM   #66
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From episode 1: Customer: "Where is my waitress?"
Max: "She's coming right now"

Also the scene where the customer gives Caroline a massage in the diner instead of a cash tip. It isn't so much any lines but the hilarious scene it creates.
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Old 07-13-2018, 01:58 PM   #67
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What, you can’t light a couple’s head on fire without it being about your ex-boyfriend?

- Max
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:55 PM   #68
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Max: "Earl, I need to get the wireless router."
Earl: "Oh, is that what this is? I thought it was a cookie warmer."
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:58 PM   #69
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Caroline: [brings Andy a birthday cupcake with a candle atop it] "Happy birthday! Now come on, blow it out."
Andy: "I don't really feel like doing that."
Max: "Welcome to our world."
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:59 PM   #70
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Max:
[after Han decides to install a karaoke machine in the diner] You can't give hipsters a microphone. That's like throwing gasoline on a pretentious fire.
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Old 07-13-2018, 04:00 PM   #71
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Max:
What?! No way! No way! Is this Narnia? I'm about to say something I swore I'd never say. OMG! Again, OMG! It's lame, but nothing else really nails it. This is the room that OMG was born for
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Old 07-13-2018, 05:13 PM   #72
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(Caroline finds a pre-approved credit card in the mail)

Caroline: "Max, you will not believe what just came addressed to you."
Max: "Let me explain: I'm not a Scientologist, I just went there one time because I heard some rich guy was looking for a wife."
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Old 07-13-2018, 05:19 PM   #73
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[Caroline texted Nicolas saying she would only have dinner with him if he left his wife, and he agreed to do so]
Caroline: When I texted him that, I was just being flirty.
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Old 10-17-2018, 04:52 PM   #74
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Max & Han quotes:
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Old 10-22-2018, 01:39 PM   #75
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Max, I can’t believe it. I screwed me and the horse I rode in on.

- Max
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