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Old 08-21-2008, 01:41 PM   #1
misskate1990
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Default Favorite Roseanne Quotes!!!

[Darlene is on the phone]
Roseanne: Get off, now.
Darlene: Why are you picking on me for?
Roseanne: 'Cause I can't find Becky.


Roseanne: That is not funny! You're grounded until menopause!
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father's!


D.J.: Was I an accident?

Roseanne: No, D.J., you were a surprise.

D.J.: Oh. What's the difference?
Roseanne: Well, an accident is something that you wouldn't do over again if you had the chance. A surprise is something you didn't even know you wanted until you got it.

D.J.: Oh. Was Darlene an accident?

Dan: No, Darlene was a disaster.


D.J.--Moom, Darlene called me a prevert.
Roseanne--You're not a prevert honey, you're a pervert.

DJ: "You're only moving to Chicago because your mom has to have an operation"
Todd: "No she doesn't"
DJ: "She does too, my mom says shes having a big stick taken out of her butt"


[All of the kids have left for school]
Roseanne: Quick, they're gone. Change the locks.

Becky - Why don't you just kiss my butt?
Darlene - Well haul it on over here jumbo!
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Old 09-29-2008, 10:12 PM   #2
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Roseanne -" You know i consider myself a good judge of people and thats why i don't like none of em"


Roseanne (when she thought she might be pregnant) "Well ths isn't going to happen again cause i'm just gonna go get myself fixed"
Dan" You mean get your tubes tied?"
Roseanne " Ah no i mean get my knees sewn together"
LOL
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Old 09-29-2008, 10:33 PM   #3
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I love Roseanne. I like the one where Arnie borrows like $1500 and gets Nancy a boob job... Roseanne sees the pic of her boobs and says "which one is ours?"
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Old 09-29-2008, 10:45 PM   #4
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LOL i forgot about that one.

Roseanne to Arnie " You got her a boob job!!"

Arnie "Yeah two of them"

LOL
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Old 10-04-2008, 01:12 AM   #5
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During the tornado episode
Roseanne: What's the worst that can happen? So the tornado picks up our house and slams it down in a better neighborhood.
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Old 10-05-2008, 11:30 PM   #6
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Upon Busting Up A Bachelor Party, Roseanne Looks Disgustingly at the Stripper who was in the midst of taking off all her clothes. With A Sneer She says "...And Its because Of Women Like YOU That They'll Never Be A Lady President!"
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Old 10-09-2008, 12:10 AM   #7
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I know I'm not going to have this word for word....

Roseanne - I can't believe I've been mad at you all these years for something as stupid as a wedding when there's a better reason to be mad at you....you're a bitch!!

Cousin Ronnie - I'm a bitch?!! Woo, I bow to the queen of all bitches. Do you know why you weren't in my wedding? Because there wasn't enough tangerine chiffon in all the state of Illinois to make your dress!

Roseanne pauses and looks at Ronnie - Good one!!
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Old 02-23-2009, 01:40 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Purffin
Roseanne -" You know i consider myself a good judge of people and thats why i don't like none of em"


Roseanne (when she thought she might be pregnant) "Well ths isn't going to happen again cause i'm just gonna go get myself fixed"
Dan" You mean get your tubes tied?"
Roseanne " Ah no i mean get my knees sewn together"
LOL
That is one of my favorite Roseanne quotes.
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Old 02-23-2009, 08:56 PM   #9
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"This is why some animals eat their young."
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Old 03-19-2009, 11:05 AM   #10
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Dan: [D.J. is screaming and running up the stairs] Whoa, whoa, settle down!
D.J.: Mom was just telling me a story I don't want to hear anymore!
Dan: Well that's no reason for you to go running out of the room screaming like a maniac!
D.J.: It was about her having her period!
Dan: As you were.
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:56 AM   #11
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Roseanne in the episode where she hurts her back.

"Iv'e fallen, and I don't have one of those things. I shouldn't have laughed at that old lady on tv!"
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Old 03-30-2009, 12:23 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Mel
Roseanne in the episode where she hurts her back.

"Iv'e fallen, and I don't have one of those things. I shouldn't have laughed at that old lady on tv!"
I remember seeing that episode when I was little and I used to laugh at those commercials. My sister and I used to watch Roseanne and when Roseanne said that my sister told me that would happen to me someday.
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Old 04-24-2009, 03:59 PM   #13
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when roseanne is working for "the little maggot" in a fast food restaurant. A Customer is taking forever to order, then he says right i know i'll have the number 4 "you only live once right?" Roseanne's line is "Yeah, why drag it out"
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Old 04-24-2009, 04:08 PM   #14
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"So that's what happened to the guy from CHiPS! Hey, he's way better in this!" - Roseanne watching TV with Mark's friend Roy. (They were watching the telenova Dos mujeres, un camino, which starred Erik Estrada aka Ponch on CHiPS).
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:49 PM   #15
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