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Old 03-31-2017, 11:36 AM   #16
TVAdam No More
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EPISODE #7. Unrequited Love... Requited

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck (31 years-old)
Professor Tincher (46 years-old)
Katie Collins (21 years-old)
Mickey Tork (20 years-old)

Guest Starring:
Cutter Magee [pictured below]
Debbie Garfield [pictured below]
Bernie Boswell
Hailie Morgan
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Old 03-31-2017, 11:52 AM   #17
TVAdam No More
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EPISODE #7. Unrequited LoveÖ Requited

Originally Released on November 5th, 2013

And Now, Our StoryÖ

Masked Bagger is standing in the back hallway, cautiously looking around.

Masked Bagger: Where are you Cutter? Show yourself!

Suddenly, Cutter Magee races into sight, riding a hand-jack. He slams into Masked Bagger, causing him to fly in the air and land on the concrete floor.

Cutter Magee: Here I am! As you requested!

Masked Bagger: Thanks. Now where is she?

Cutter Magee: Who would that be?

Masked Bagger: Donít play games, Magee! Your hostage. Where are you keeping her?

Cutter Magee: I donít want to tell you yet. You and I are having some fun! Now, on guard!

Cutter Magee steps off the jack, and takes out his box cutter (which he is named after). He holds it out like a sword and wants to duel Masked Bagger. The 717 Guardian takes out a box cutter of his own.

Masked Bagger: Letís do this!

Cling! Clang! Both men duel with their box cutters. Masked Bagger doesnít really know how to - but heís been getting lucky so far. Cling! Cling! Clang! Cutter Magee swipes his weapon, and cuts Masked Baggerís arm.

Cutter Magee: Ha-ha!

Masked Bagger: Just a jacket wound. Iím unharmed.

They both look at the baggerís arm, and suddenly it starts to bleed.

Masked Bagger: Okay, I spoke too soon. Never mind me. Whereís the girl?

Cutter Magee: Look up.

The 717 Guardian looks up and sees the kidnapped girl strapped to the ceiling. Sheís filled with fear. Cutter Magee gets back on the hand-jack.

Cutter Magee: Sheís set to be released from the ceiling any moment now. I doubt sheíd survive the fall, so save the girl, or chase after me. Which do you choose?

Cutter speeds off on his hand-jack. Masked Bagger looks up at the girl. He chooses to save her. The girl is in her mid-twenties, and is beautiful. This is, after all, a superhero story.

Masked Bagger: Hang tight. Iím coming to get you.

CUT TO: Adam is sitting alone in the break room. He is terribly depressed. Debbie Garfield, the floral head, enters the room.

Debbie Garfield: Oh, sweetie, you look miserable!

Adam Hauck: I am.

Debbie Garfield: Care to talk about it?

Adam Hauck: Itís my, uh, love lifeÖ or lack thereof.

Debbie Garfield: Oh, honey pie, my love life is lacking these days, too.

Adam Hauck: Uh-huh, well Iíve never had a love life, and the girl Iím currently in love with doesnít seem to want me.

Debbie Garfield: Thatís a shame. Youíre a good looking young man. I canít imagine you having much trouble getting a girl.

Adam Hauck: Girls just arenít attracted to me.

Debbie Garfield: Iím sure that isnít true. If I was younger, I would be all over you. You wouldnít be able to escape my slobbery kisses.

Adam Hauck: Well thank you for that disturbing image, but Iím afraid a girl loving me back just isnít in the cards for me. Itís okay. Iím getting used to the loneliness.

Adam gets up and walks out of the break room. Debbie looks sad as he walks off. She then starts to talk to herself.

Debbie Garfield: Yep, sure is a shame. I think something needs to be done about this.

Bernie Boswell enters, holding a magazine about guns, and his face lights up as he sees his crush, Debbie, sitting there.

Bernie Boswell: Debbie, hi.

Debbie Garfield: Hello, sugar.

Bernie Boswell: Iím not gonna lie to you. My body aches with desire just thinking about you. I suspect you ache as well. We could cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife.

Cutter Magee appears.

Cutter Magee: How about a box cutter?

Bernie Boswell: No, itís gotta be like a big knife.

Bernie realizes who heís talking to, and gets nervous. He holds up the gun magazine as if it were a weapon.

Bernie Boswell: Iíve got this gun magazine, and Iím not afraid to use itÖ paper cut the hell outta you!

Cutter Magee: BOO!!

Bernie gives out a high pitched scream. Adam is already on his way to the front, but hears Bernieís scream and runs back up, unnoticed by anyone in the room. He sees the villain and sneaks off to change identities. When Masked Bagger enters, he finds Bernie Boswell in just his underwear, about to pull them down.

Masked Bagger: WHAT in the world is going on here?

Bernie Boswell: I figured this box cutter villain would kill either or both of us, and I didnít want to die without having done the deed with Debbie.

Masked Bagger: Cutter, why didnít you stop it?

Cutter Magee: I was intrigued. I wanted to watch this.

Masked Bagger: And Debbie?

Debbie Garfield: Like I was telling Adam, my love life has been lacking these days.

Masked Bagger: (to himself) Why do I save these people?

Suddenly, Masked Bagger whips out hisÖ bag-gun, and shoots Cutter Magee. Heís captured. The hero walks over to him, grabs the bagged foe, and heads for the basement. Bernie and Debbie look at each other.

Bernie Boswell: Should we?

Debbie Garfield: Now that our lives arenít in danger, it just seems weird.

Bernie Boswell: Yeah. With all the crazy characters in this store, Iím sure our lives will be on the line again. Weíll have plenty of chances.

CUT TO: The basement lab. Adam is sitting there, wearing his Masked Bagger outfit, minus the mask. Professor Tincher enters from the jail area.

Professor Tincher: Well Cutter is incarcerated. Great job, Adam.

Adam Hauck: Thanks. I wish getting Katie to love me was as simple as capturing a villain.

Professor Tincher: Adam, you have to move on. You and Katie are not going to happen. Thereís no chance in any Earth level for you two. There are so many other girls out there. Pick one you actually have a chance with. Iím gonna say itÖ lower your standards.

Adam Hauck: Okay for the record, Iím *not* a fan of brutal honesty.

Professor Tincher: That was my sugar-coated version, but seriously, youíve been here for around nine months. Sheís aware you like her, but doesnít seem to return those feelings. Iím sorry. Move on.

Adam Hauck: I canít. I love her so much.

CUT TO: Adam is bagging for a customer. Katie walks up to him.

Katie Collins: Adam, can we talk?

Adam Hauck: Yeah, of course. Letís go to the baggerís closet.

Adam stops bagging mid-order, and the two walk to the baggerís closet. The customer looks mad, but theyíre just going to have to get over it. They donít know how much Adam loves Katie.

Katie Collins: Adam, I was thinking, and I want to be with you.

Adam Hauck: In what sense?

Katie Collins: In a romantic sense.

Adam Hauck: You wanna be my girlfriend!?!

Katie Collins: Yeah.

Adam Hauck: I donít believe this! I want to be with you, too!

Katie Collins: (smiles) Yeah, I kinda knew that.

Adam Hauck: This is amazing!

Katie Collins: Sure is, Puddiní.

Adam Hauck: And you called me Puddiní. I love it when you call me Puddiní. Iíve got to come up with a girlfriend name for you. How about Princess? Youíre my Princess.

Katie Collins: I love it.

Adam Hauck: I love you.

They hug. Adam finally has Katie Collins as his girlfriend. All is right with the world.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is in front of the deli, battling some bird-men. However, heís doing a lot more dodging and coming off like a coward. Heís playing it safe, and the fight, which would normally last a couple minutes, ends up taking twenty. Professor Tincher is watching on the monitors, and is upset by it.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger enters the basement lab. He removes his mask, and heads over to the Professor.

Professor Tincher: What was with THAT fight?

Adam Hauck: Now that Iím with Katie, I have a reason to live. I canít risk my life anymore. Iím also thinking about telling her that Iím The Masked Bagger. I donít want to keep any secrets from her.

Professor Tincher: You canít tell her!

Adam Hauck: Whatís the harm? I mean, I know what happened to you in the past was horrible, but this is different. We canít build a life together if I keep my alter ego from her. Plus, sheíd freak out if she didnít know Iím The Masked Bagger, and then she has my baby and heís born wearing a mask.

Professor Tincher: Sometimes I canít tell if youíre playing dumb or actually being stupid. Obviously, your son wonít come into the world with a mask on his face. Thatís ridiculous.

Adam Hauck: And so is not telling Katie the truth. I have to.

Professor Tincher: Youíre making a mistake. I canít stop you, but I can warn you.

Adam Hauck: Like you said, you canít stop me. I just wonder how I should reveal it to her. Maybe dressed as The Masked Bagger, I walk up to her and give her a big passionate kiss. Then when itís over, sheíll say something like ďThat was great. Best I ever had. But Iím in a relationship with Adam.Ē Then I would remove my mask, flash her my award winning smile, and say ďThen itís a good thing I *am* Adam.Ē

Tincher looks at Adam like heís crazy.

Professor Tincher: Really, youíve actually won an award for your smile?

Adam Hauck: Yes I did, and it didnít feel good because it was from some classmates, and was actually for ďUgliest Smile,Ē but that still counts as ďaward winning.Ē

CUT TO: Adam opens the door to his home, and lets Katie walk in first. He follows behind her.

Adam Hauck: So this is it. This is where I live.

Katie Collins: Itís nice.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, I like it. Of course I like it a lot better with you here. Itís like you belong here.

Katie Collins: I feel like I do.

Adam Hauck: Katie, I have something to tell you. Um, I was kind of planning a different way to do this, but I think Iíll just tell you.

Katie Collins: What?

Adam Hauck: Uh, well, I donít want to keep any secrets from you, and I have to say it. I have a big one. A really big one.

Katie Collins: (smiles naughtily) You do?

Adam Hauck: Yes. I have a really big secret.

Katie Collins: Oh, the *secret* is big. I misunderstood you.

Adam Hauck: Okay, well, um, here goes. I donít lead a normal life. I mean, theyíve made cartoons and movies about the kind of things I do on a daily basis. You see when I first came to store 717, it was to be more than just a guy who bags groceries and get carts.

Katie Collins: I donít get it.

Adam Hauck: Thatís because you interrupted me. I wasnít done yet.

Katie Collins: Sorry, ha-ha.

Adam Hauck: You know what, Iíll tell you later. It can wait. No need to jump right into the secret. So what do you want to do? I have a bedroom over there with a big bed in it. Hint, hint.

Katie Collins: Iím gonna need you to dance with me. Then, weíll see.

Adam Hauck: Oh, yeah. Sounds good.

Adam takes his remote control and turns the TV to the Oldies channel. The Associationís ďEverything That Touches YouĒ plays. Adam and Katie embrace each other and dance to the music. Although Adam is loving it, he isnít as happy as he thought heíd be.

('Everything That Touches You' by The Association)

CUT TO: Adam is in Professor Tincherís office.

Adam Hauck: I havenít told Katie yet. Iím waiting for the right time. I think she needs to know more about me before I reveal the big secret.

Professor Tincher: Well Iím glad you havenít told her yet, but I must again advise you to not ever tell her.

Adam Hauck: Thereís just one minor thing bugging me.

Professor Tincher: Whatís that?

Adam Hauck: I finally have the woman of my dreams, so why am I not completely happy?

Professor Tincher: *Sheís* the woman of your dreams?

Adam Hauck: Whatís wrong with Katie?

Professor Tincher: Nothing. Sheís a lovely woman. Itís just I donít see you two together. I mean, for one, thereís an age difference.

Adam Hauck: Not a problem for us, so it shouldnít be a problem for anyone else.

Professor Tincher: You know what? Youíre right. As long as you two are in love, thatís all that matters. I guess Iím happy for you, Adam.

Adam Hauck: Well thanks, Professor. So far youíre the only one accepting of our relationship. Why canít they just be happy that after thirty-one lonely years, I finally got the girl?

Professor Tincher: Come on, Adam. You have to admit, it looks a little strange. I mean no one ever thought you two would get together. I donít think anyone even entertained the possibility of it happening.

Mickey Tork walks in. He sees the two talking, and is curious.

Mickey Tork: So what are you guys talking about?

Adam Hauck: My girlfriend, and how no one is happy for me.

Mickey Tork: Look, no offense, but the two of you are considered a freak show. Again, no offense.

Adam Hauck: Why? I donít get it. Sheís sexy. Iím sexy. Weíre the sexy couple of the store.

Mickey Tork: Doesnít the age difference bother you?

Adam Hauck: No way! Iím in loveÖ no wait. I can finally say *weíre* in love. The age thing doesnít bother us. Nor should it bother anyone else.

Mickey Tork: But Adam, ewwe!

Adam Hauck: Listen, I appreciate the concern, but itís not needed. The two of us are very happy together.

Professor Tincher: I thought you said you werenít completely happy?

Adam Hauck: Well Iím taking it back. We are very happy. And you know what, Mickey, I think youíre just jealous that sheís with me, and not you.

Mickey Tork: Again Adam, ewwe!

CUT TO: Tincherís office. Adam, Mickey, Bernie, and Hailie all walk in. Tincher is at his desk. He looks bothered.

Hailie Morgan: Yo, why you be calling us in here? I be neediní to know why you done called us in here.

Professor Tincher: Iím afraid I have some unsettling news. Katie CollinsÖ

Adam Hauck: Here we go.

Professor Tincher: Öis in a coma.

Everybody is shocked, especially Adam.

Adam Hauck: What happened? How did this happen? I donít get it!

Professor Tincher: On her vacation, she just fell ill. Doctors canít explain it. They donít know if sheís gonnaÖ well, letís just hope and pray for the best.

Adam Hauck: Vacation? When was she on vacation?

Hailie Morgan: Katie be on vacation all this week.

Adam Hauck: No. It canít be.

Mickey Tork: No, really. Sheís on vacation this week.

Adam rushes out of the office and walks the floors of Kroger, confused and scared out of his mind. He bumps into - of all people - Katie.

Katie Collins: There you are, Puddiní.

Adam Hauck: Thank God! Youíre alive! I was told you were in a coma. Youíd better get in the office and tell Tincher and the others that itís not true.

Katie Collins: I have a confession. Iím not Katie.

Adam Hauck: What do you mean youíre not Katie?!

Suddenly, Adam is able to see what everyone else has seen all along. Itís actually Debbie Garfield - not Katie.

Debbie Garfield: Not the official Katie, anyways. I can *be* Katie though, like I have been this past week.

Adam Hauck: Why?

Debbie Garfield: I could sense how much you love her, and that love is unrequited. Makes me so sad to see unrequited love. Itís my super power to morph into the girl and be there for the man.

Adam Hauck: Wait, I never told you I was in love with Katie.

Debbie Garfield: I could sense who it was, so I became herÖ for you.

Adam Hauck: But Katie was in a coma, and I wasnít at the hospital with her, waiting for her to wake up. I thought she was here and in love with me.

Debbie Garfield: Donít get mad, but Iím kind of responsible for her grave condition. When I morph into someone, it drains their energy.

Adam Hauck: What if we were together for a month?

Debbie Garfield: Oh sheíd be dead by the end of this week. But think about what that puts on me, having to find new ways to keep you from discovering her death.

Adam Hauck: I donít believe this! And not only me, but youíd have to keep her death from everyone else.

Debbie Garfield: Not really. They see me as me. They always have.

Adam thinks for a moment. He gets it.

Adam Hauck: So THATíS why everyone has been acting the way they have. They think I fell in love with YOU! But wait, Iíve been saying Katie all along.

Debbie Garfield: Now *that* I had some control over. I made it so every time you said ďKatieĒ they would hear ďDebbie.Ē

Adam Hauck: What about Facebook? I updated my relationship status. Now there I listed Katie Collins.

Debbie Garfield: No, you didnít, sweetie pie. It says youíre in a relationship with Debbie Garfield. On a subconscious level, you knew it was me you were dating. So when you went to post that, you automatically typed in my name.

Adam Hauck: So thatís why I wasnít totally happy. Some part of my brain knew I wasnít with the one I love, and that it was all a lie.

Debbie Garfield: Yeah. So now that you know the truthÖ are we breaking up?

Adam Hauck: UH, YEAH!

Bernie jumps in from out of nowhere.

Bernie Boswell: YES! This disaster of a relationship is over! Now I get to play the part of the rebound. Debbie, my room tonight. We will make magic together. Now, yes, I still live with my parents. I hope thatís not going to be a problem. If it is, I will ask them to put their hands over their ears, so they wonít hear all the noises coming out of my room.

Adam Hauck: Well thatís my cue to leave.

He does.

CUT TO: Adam and Tincher are in the basement.

Adam Hauck: I feel like a fool.

Professor Tincher: Donít. Now that I know what was really going on, itís kind of amusing. You and Debbie, that is.

Adam Hauck: (sarcastically) Yes, I can barely contain my laughter.

Professor Tincher: Adam, you have to bag Debbie Garfield.

Adam Hauck: You donít know how close it came to that.

Professor Tincher: No, I mean sheís a super villain. You have to become The Masked Bagger, bag her, bring her down here, and Iíll incarcerate her.

Adam Hauck: But sheís Debbie Garfield. Sheís not out to hurt anybody. She could sense I love Katie, and tried to help. True, it just made things worse, but her heart was in the right place.

Professor Tincher: Did you forget that Katie almost died because of her?

Adam Hauck: Yes I did. Itís bagging time! How do you like that as my catchphrase?

Professor Tincher: Kinda corny. Not a fan of it.

Adam Hauck: (angry) Well then YOU come up with a catchphrase. I canít bag villains, date Katie impostors AND come up with a catchphrase!

Adam storms out.

CUT TO: The Masked Bagger walks over to floral, where Debbie Garfield is.

Masked Bagger: Iím sorry, Debbie, but youíre coming with me.

Debbie Garfield: Why, may I ask?

Masked Bagger: You almost killed Katie Collins, and donít seem to have any remorse about it.

Debbie Garfield: But I didnít kill her. This is insane. Donít I even get a trial. This is America!

Masked Bagger: No, this is Kroger.

Debbie Garfield: But I didnít mean any harm. Yes, I was aware I was causing it, but that wasnít my intention. I was just trying to make Adam happy.

Masked Bagger: By killing Katie?

Debbie Garfield: I have no control over what happens to people when I morph into them.

Masked Bagger: I tell you what Iím gonna do. Iím gonna let you go. You will take an early retirement, and leave Kroger immediately. I never want to see you in here again. I will be monitoring you, and if you ever use your powers again, I will track you down, and incarcerate you in the Kroger basement prison. Is that understood?

Debbie Garfield: Yes, and might I say I love a man who tells me what to do. Itís what people refer to as a ďturn on.Ē

Masked Bagger: Get outta Kroger, Debbie. Now!

Debbie grabs her purse, and walks out of floral, and then exits the main door to the building. Masked Bagger watches her leave and quietly says to himselfÖ

Masked Bagger: And thanks for the dance.

He starts to hear Everything That Touches You in his head, remembering his dance with ďKatie.Ē

CUT TO: A few days later. Katie walks into Kroger. Mickey, Tincher, Hailie and Bernie are all up front awaiting her arrival.

Professor Tincher: Welcome Back, Katie. How are you feeling?

Katie Collins: Better, obviously. Still a little weird, but I should be fine.

Professor Tincher: Donít ever scare us like that again.

Mickey Tork: Glad youíre okay. I donít know what Iíd do if I didnít have you bagging by my side, to help keep me sane at this job.

Katie Collins: I love you, Mick.

They both hug.

Hailie Morgan: Girl, you done scared us. I be like ďKatie-Girl in a coma? No way!Ē You my sis. Donít be getting into no comas again.

Katie Collins: I wonít, Hailie.

Bernie Boswell: Well itís stupid of you to promise that you wonít get into a coma again. You never know whatíll happen. Things could be out of your control.

Katie Collins: Did you at least miss me while I was away?

Bernie Boswell: Of course. Give Bernie a hug.

Katie Collins: Is ďnoĒ an option?

Bernie Boswell: If you wanna be like every other girl, then sure.

Katie Collins: I wanna be like every other girl.

Adam walks up. Both Katie and he look at one another. The others decide to leave the two alone, so they walk away.

Adam Hauck: So, um, how was your vacation?

Katie Collins: I was in a coma.

Adam Hauck: SoÖ restful?

Katie Collins: Iím done talking to you.

Adam Hauck: Listen, I had no idea what was going on. I thought you were here. I thought youÖ loved me.

Katie Collins: Me and you are friends. Thatís all. I love my boyfriend.

Adam Hauck: You have a boyfriend?

Katie Collins: Yep. Weíve only been going out for a couple weeks, but weíve known each other for a few months. He went with me on vacation, and we live together.

Adam Hauck: ďLive togetherĒ as in the same house, or are you speaking of like you both live together in the same state?

Katie Collins: The same house. We share a bed.

Adam Hauck: Bunk beds by any chance? Like youíre on the top and heís on the bottom?

Katie Collins: (jokingly) Oh Iím on top alright, but weíre not on bunk beds.

Adam quickly puts his fingers in his ears.

Adam Hauck: La la la la laÖ I canít hear youÖ la la la!

He takes them out.

Katie Collins: Adam, youíre insane.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, I get it. Iím insane sometimesÖ but then there are other times when Iím totally sane.

Katie Collins: Huh?

Adam Hauck: I donít know. I thought it would sound meaningful or something, but it just sounded dumb.

Katie Collins: Are you glad Iím back?

Adam Hauck: Oh yes. Iím very glad youíre back. Iíll take the real Katie, who's cold to me, over a fake one whoís all over me, any day.

Katie Collins: ThatísÖ kinda creepy.

Adam Hauck: I get that word a lot, but I mean well.

Katie Collins: Iím sure you do, Puddiní.

CUT TO: Adam goes out the front door. Standing out there are Professor Tincher, Mickey Tork and Bernie Boswell.

Mickey Tork: Iím sorry about Katie. Letís drown your sorrows in some beer. Weíll have a guyís night out or something.

Adam Hauck: Thanks, but I donít drink. Plus I think I want to be alone.

Bernie Boswell: You have the rest of your life to be alone. Besides, this isnít just for you. All of us are hurting right now. I just found out that Debbie has retired. I may never see her again.

Mickey Tork: Yeah, the girl Iíve been chasing for the past two weeks, told me she only likes fat guys. So I need to drink all the beer I can to gain weight.

Professor Tincher: Today would have been Baileyís birthday. So Iím feeling kind of sad.

Adam Hauck: You know what? Okay. Why donít we go bowling? Banta Bowling is having a dollar day special going on right now. Plus, the beer is freeÖ to anyone with a 300 game.

Bernie Boswell: Oh yeah! In addition to that, the lady who runs the little restaurant is a hottie.

Professor Tincher: Wait, I know her. Sheís got to be at least seventy-six years old.

Bernie Boswell: Yeah! Do I need to give the whole sexy fine wine metaphor again?

Mickey Tork: No. Never again, please.

The four Kroger men walk away, chatting and being witty.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-19-2017 at 05:44 AM.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:23 AM   #18
TVAdam No More
Senior Member
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,004

EPISODE #8. Carts Ahoy!

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Cartastrophe [pictured below]
Davy Tork [pictured below]
Bernie Boswell
Mindy Dalton [pictured below]
Tony Walmer [pictured below]
Attached Images
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:27 AM   #19
TVAdam No More
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,004

EPISODE #8. Carts Ahoy!

Originally Released on November 21st, 2013

Hereís the StoryÖ

Katie is outside on the lot, gathering carts. She spots a stranded cart, and touches the handle, when suddenly her hand becomes stuck to it. The handle spins around, and is strong enough that it lifts Katieís body, and throws her inside. Once in the cart, her hand is unstuck. However, the cart takes off at a fast speed. Katie screams as she has no control over whatís happening. Masked Bagger races towards her, and takes out his cart strap, and hurls it at the speeding cart. It attaches itself to the back of the cart, and suddenly the 717 Guardian is in the air, holding onto the strap. He slowly climbs forward, and then hops in to be with Katie.

Masked Bagger: I just dropped in to see how youíre doing. Everything fine or you need some help?

Katie Collins: Duh! Help me!

Masked Bagger: On it.

The handsome masked hero takes out a remote control and pushes a couple of buttons. The cart continues to speed around the parking lot. Cars honk their horns as they are about to crash into it. The Bagger-Mobile drives up alongside them. Masked Bagger unhooks the cart strap from their uncontrollable ride, and instead hooks it to his own vehicle.

Masked Bagger: Okay, grab on to it.

Katie Collins: Are you hitting on me in the middle of a rescue? Ďcause I have a boyfriend, so I ainít grabbing nothing of yours!

Masked Bagger: (frustrated) Grab the *cart strap*, and hold on tight. Donít let go until youíre safely in the Bagger-Mobile.

Katie takes a hold of the cart strap. Masked Bagger then lifts her up, and she leaps into the vehicle. She sits, and it slows down as it drives her back to the sidewalk, thanks to Masked Baggerís remote control skills. He then turns around to face his own problem. The cart is headed straight for a car, which is backing out of its spot, unaware of the situation. The 717 Guardian looks down, and notices a device hooked to the cart. Figuring it has something to do with a remote control of its own, Masked Bagger unhooks it. Sure enough, the cart slows down, but is still headed for the car. Our hero overcomes his fears of jumping out of a moving cart by jumping out of the moving cart. He then grabs the handle and stops it just before it would have hit the car. When itís all over, Masked Bagger heads to the sidewalk, where Katie is.

Katie Collins: Thank you, Masked Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Youíre welcome.

Katie Collins: I just have one question. How did you get here so fast? It seems like as soon as I was inside the cart, you jumped in to the rescue.

He canít tell her the truth that as Adam, he was on a break outside, watching the sexy Katie getting carts.

Masked Bagger: Iím, uh, just good at my job. Always alert.

Katie smiles, and then walks inside.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher & Masked Bagger are in the basement lab.

Masked Bagger: Whoís behind this cart attack?

Professor Tincher: His name is Randy Blaine. He blends in with other carts because he *is* a cart himself now.

Masked Bagger: You know him?

Professor Tincher: Yes. He was a bagger. About a couple months before you came to the store, he was outside on carts, and the ground just opened up and he fell in. No one has seen him since. However, I went out for lunch today, and *it* rolled up to me. I got a good look at it. It clearly has the face of Randy. I donít know what happened to him underground to turn him into a cart-boy, but thatís exactly what he is now. For some reason heís using remote control carts to scare people.

Masked Bagger: What would he want with Katie, though?

Professor Tincher: Maybe itís not personal. He just decided to attack the cart getter. Then again, itís been almost a year since he vanished. Maybe heís ready to come out and cause some chaos. You know, make his presence known.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, his presence is definitely known.

Professor Tincher: On the lighter side, in a couple days weíre having a Kids Day at the store, to make up for not doing anything for Trick or Treat this year.

Masked Bagger: Why are you telling me? I donít have to do anything for it, do I?

Professor Tincher: Youíre a local superhero. I want you to make an appearance for the kiddies.

Masked Bagger: Canít you just make another clone of me to make these personal appearances?

Professor Tincher: Considering what happened the last time I made a clone of you, no. I wonít do it again. Now I canít force you to do it, but Iím asking nicely. Please do it.

Masked Bagger: Ugh, fine.

CUT TO: Bernie Boswell is holding up a painting, and showing it to Katie, whoís doing a price check in produce.

Bernie Boswell: Katie, have you seen this painting yet?

Katie Collins: No. Did you paint that?

Bernie Boswell: No, of course not. My brother did. He evenÖ

Just then, a gorgeous young woman, named Mindy (in her early thirties) walks up and hears the rest of what Bernie is saying.

Bernie Boswell: Öwon an award for this painting. Iím so proud.

Katie Collins: Thatís nice. Iím trying to care, but I just donít.

Bernie Boswell: Carry on with your price check.

She does. Mindy, however, walks over to Bernie.

Mindy Dalton: That painting is absolutely beautiful.

Bernie Boswell: Thank you.

Mindy Dalton: Do you think you could paint me?

Bernie Boswell: Well actually, IÖ

Mindy Dalton: Itíll be in the nude.

Bernie Boswell: YES! I would love to paint you in the nude.

Mindy Dalton: Great. Weíll get together in a couple days then. Saturday perhaps?

Bernie Boswell: Actually, I have to be here for a stupid ďKidís DayĒ thing. You know what? Screw it. Art is more important. Uh, how much do I have to pay you?

Mindy Dalton: Thatís ridiculous. Iíll be paying you, of course.

Bernie Boswell: Of course. Itís been a while since Iíve painted a nude. I kind of forgot about the monetary arrangements, ha-ha. So, um, I donít suppose you have a grandma that might want to pose naked with you?

Mindy Dalton: Actually my grandma just died.

Bernie Boswell: Hmm, have they already buried her? If not, we could prop her up next to you. Iíll find a way to make it tasteful.

She looks freaked, as any normal person would. He realizes this.

Bernie Boswell: Kidding, of course. I make bad jokes but beautiful paintings. You know artists, weíre all a little kooky. See you on Saturday. Oh, and Iím sorry about your grandma.

CUT TO: A couple days later. The promo aisle is set up for kids, with an Oreo stacking table, a coloring contest table, and a couple other tables with kid related stuff. Some kids are in the aisle, having fun. Mickey Tork and his kid brother, 8-year-old Davy are walking in the parking lot to enter the store.

Mickey Tork: I canít believe Iím actually coming here on my day off. The things I do for you, Davy.

Davy Tork: Itíll be fun.

As the Tork brothers enter the store, Cartastrophe watches and hatches a scheme in that demented cart-mind of his.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is in his office. Tony Walmer enters.

Tony Walmer: Mr. Tincher, hello. My name is Tony Walmer. Iím the head reporter for the Kroger Gazette.

Professor Tincher: Hello. Are you searching for a story at this store?

Tony Walmer: As a matter of fact, I am. This store is legendary for one reason and one reason only.

Professor Tincher: Our really terrific customer service?

Tony Walmer: NoÖ The Masked Bagger. I want to know who he is, why he does what he does, and most importantly, WHO he is. Did I say that already? Well Iím putting more emphasis on it this time. Whoís the man behind the mask?

Professor Tincher: I would love to tell you, but Iím afraid one of our carts is a former bagger. So most of my concerns are with that right now. Did you want to get a ďcart-boyĒ exclusive, or hey, how about ďKidís DayĒ here at the good Ďol 717? That could be a fun piece.

Tony Walmer: No. The story I came for is the story Iím gonna leave with. Now where can I find this Masked Bagger?

Professor Tincher: Really? Over a story about a kid who literally turned into a cart? Seems silly.

Tony Walmer: Iím just interested in The Masked Bagger. Whatís he up to right now?

Professor Tincher: Probably off doing something heroic.

CUT TO: Adam is in the break room, smiling at the pizza on the table heís about to eat.

Adam Hauck: Mmmmm, pizza!

Katie walks in.

Katie Collins: Can I borrow your phone?

Adam Hauck: Sure.

She walks past him, and Adam hands it to her. She sits a few seats down from him, dials a number and puts the phone to her face.

Katie Collins: Hi babe. What are you doing?

Adam groans as he realizes Katie is talking to her boyfriend, Austin.

Katie Collins: Iím on break. I canít wait to get off. I need to see you. Iíve only been here two hours but I miss you.

Adam is quite uncomfortable. He loves her and hates listening to her having a romantic conversation with her boyfriend.

Katie Collins: Okay, well, I have to go.

Adam Hauck: (to himself) Please donít say it. Donít say it. Donít say it.

Katie Collins: I love you.

She said it! Bothered, Adam looks down at his pizza.

Adam Hauck: Not even *you* can save the moment now.

CUT TO: A while later. Mickey and Davy walk outside.

Mickey Tork: Did you have a good time, Davy?

Davy Tork: Yeah!

Cartastrophe wheels up to them. Heís wearing a saddle on his back.

Cartastrophe: Donít leave without a cart ride!

Davy Tork: Ooh, can I Mickey? Please!

Mickey Tork: I donít know. I donít remember Mr. Tincher mentioning anything about cart rides.

Davy Tork: Please!

Mickey always has a tough time saying no to his brother.

Mickey Tork: Okay.

He picks Davy up, and sets him on top of Cartastrophe.

Cartastrophe: Hold on, little one.

He rolls around close to Mickey for a little bit, making it seem like a pleasant ride, but then suddenly speeds off. Mickey freaks out.

Mickey Tork: Ride over! Ride over!

Mickey looks inside the store and spots Masked Bagger, making his rounds for the customers. He runs over to him.

Mickey Tork: Masked Bagger, that cart ride outside has gone haywire!

Masked Bagger: Cart ride?

Suddenly he realizes it must be Randy Blaine. He runs outside and looks around but doesnít see him anywhere.

Masked Bagger: Mickey, Iím afraid that was no ride. Itís the latest 717 super villain!

Mickey Tork: We have to save my brother!

Masked Bagger: ďWeĒ?

Mickey Tork: Iím coming with you. No offense, but with Davyís life on the line, just one guy to the rescue isnít enough.

Masked Bagger: Letís go.

Mickey Tork: Great! Where to?

Masked Bagger: I donít know. I usually go down to the basement, and discuss things with Professor Tincher.

Mickey Tork: Thereís a basement? Whoís Professor Tincher? Is he Mr. Tincherís brother, or someone?

Masked Bagger: Oops. Itís possible Iíve revealed too much.

CUT TO: Back at the office with Tincher and Tony.

Professor Tincher: You know, even if you meet Masked Bagger, itís not like he gonna give you personal information about himself. He never reveals too much.

Tony Walmer: Maybe, maybe not, but Iím a reporter, and I have to try.

Professor Tincher: Listen, Iíll tell you what you want to know. Masked Bagger first came to 717 in February of this year. Since then, heís defeated seven super villains, not to mention countless evil birds. He fights to keep the floors of Kroger safe for the public, not to mention the employees.

Tony Walmer: So you say youíre gonna tell me what I want to know, but then you donít. I want to know his secret identity!

Professor Tincher: If I tell you, it wonít be a secret, now will it?

Tony Walmer: But I wonít tell another living soul. Iíll simply type the news onto a piece of paper. Thatís it. Now, true, that paper will be the cover of the Kroger Gazette, but itís not like Iím going to go around blabbing, or anything.

Professor Tincher: No.

Tony Walmer: Whatever. Listen, what about the captured villains? Where are they atÖ or is your fine superhero a murderer?

Professor Tincher: I keep them incarcerated in the basement!

Tony Walmer: Take me down there. Iíd like to talk to some of them.

Professor Tincher: Why? Itís not like any of them know his secret identity.

Suddenly, Tincher remembers that Meat-Man DOES know that Masked Bagger is really Adam Hauck!

Tony Walmer: No, of course not. I just want some interesting stories.

Professor Tincher: Okay, Iíll take you down there but first you should know something about me. I hope it doesnít happen during your visit, but Iím a narcoleptic. I could just fall asleep at any moÖ

Tincher drops to the floor, pretending to be asleep. Tony shakes him.

Professor Tincher: (drowsy) Iíll get up in a few minutes, mom.

Tony is ticked off, but decides to just wait for Tincher to wake up.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger and Mickey Tork are in the basement.

Masked Bagger: Tincherís not down here, but I can look at the outside monitors myself. Maybe I can see where the cart has taken Davy.

Mickey Tork: This visit down here would be so much cooler if I wasnít scared to death for my little brother. I love him so much. If anything happens to him, Iíll justÖ

Masked Bagger: Nothingís gonna happen to him. We got this.

Mickey Tork: I hope youíre right.

The 717 Guardian watches the monitors.

Masked Bagger: Okay, I donít know what this means. I spot the cart villain, but heís hiding with all the other carts on the side of the building. I donít see Davy anywhere.

Mickey Tork: Maybe he turned Davy into a cart. Like how a vampire bite turns someone into a vampire.

Masked Bagger: No, I donít think so, but thereís one way to find out.

CUT TO: Mindy is inside Bernieís house. His parents are gone for the moment. His room is set up with a stool for Mindy and painting tools for himself.

Bernie Boswell: Okay, why donít you shed the clothing, sit down, and Iíll get started. This will be a masterpiece. I can just feel it.

Mindy Dalton: Iíve wanted a nude painting of myself for quite some time, but no one has the right painting skills to capture my beauty. I know itís not very modest, but when you look like this, being modest about your looks just makes you seem ignorant.

Bernie Boswell: I agree. Well chit chatís over. Strip, sit, and smile.

She does. This is a great moment for Bernie, even if she is younger than what he prefers. Although sheís at least ten years older than him, so there's that. He begins to paint, figuring that he can do as good a job as his brother.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger and Mickey are out front.

Masked Bagger: Mickey, you stay behind. Iíll confront the living cart.

Mickey Tork: No way. Iím going with you.

Masked Bagger: I insist. Stay here.

Mickey Tork: Fine.

The hero in a mask walks over to the carts where the villain is.

Masked Bagger: Show yourself, Cart-Boy!

Cartastrophe: Actually, my name is Cartastrophe.

He rolls out. His feet turn from wheels to normal feet, and he stands up in front of Masked Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Hey, a kind of creative villain name. Bravo! Now what did you do with Davy Tork?

Cartastrophe: All in good time, Bagger. Just know, I have no beef with the kid.

Masked Bagger: Who do you have a beef with?

Cartastrophe: Wouldnít *you* like to know.

Masked Bagger: Uh, yeah. Kinda why I asked.

The evil cart remains silent.

Masked Bagger: Okay, if you wonít tell me, Iím gonna have to take you in.

Cartastrophe punches Masked Bagger in the face with his wheel.

Masked Bagger: Ouch! Hey donít be mad at me. Iím just doing my job. Iím a bagger. Youíre a cart. Itís Kroger nature for me to take you in!

Cartastrophe: Youíre not a very bright bagger if you think youíre taking *me* in!

Masked Bagger: Well then ignorance is bliss!

Cartastrophe: Youíre an idiot!

Masked Bagger: I donít know that! Iím *ignorant* to that! But forget this! Why are you doing this? What do you have against Mickeyís brother?

Cartastrophe: The simple fact that he *is* Mickeyís brother. When I was just a human bagger, and the ground opened up, I called out for help. Mickey Tork was there. He witnessed the whole thing, but didnít even try to help me. Itís time for revenge.

Masked Bagger: Nope, sorry. We already did a revenge story. Unless you can top throwing an onion at Mickey.

The cart villain smiles.

Cartastrophe: The best way to hurt someone is to hurt the one they love. Thatís why I have little Davy tied up in the fuel center, which is rigged with explosives!

Masked Bagger runs away, headed to the fuel center. However, Cartastrophe has twenty-five remote control carts set up to prevent our hero from reaching his destination in time.

CUT TO: The office with a fake-sleeping Tincher and an upset Tony.

Tony Walmer: Wake up!

Professor Tincher: Did I just fall asleep? How embarrassing.

Tony Walmer: No, you didnít *just* fall asleep. Youíve slept for an hour and a half!

Professor Tincher: Well what are we waiting for? Letís go downstairs to talk to the super villains.

Tony Walmer: Finally. Itís 3:15!

Professor Tincher: Oh, itís 3:15? Well all the villains are having a nap right now. I wonít wake them up, either. Theyíll be cranky, and itís a chore getting them back to sleep.

Tony Walmer: Are you kidding me, Tincher?

Professor Tincher: You know what, Iíve had it with your attitude. Get out of my store!

Tony Walmer: I was sent here by corporate. I ainít leaving without my story.

Professor Tincher: Iím sure they donít want you to reveal the secret of Masked Baggerís identity. Theyíre on my side.

Tony Walmer: Okay, fine. Iím outta here. Just know one thing. Iíll be back, and when you least expect it. Only, you wonít know Iím back. I can be very sneaky.

Tony leaves the office. Professor Tincher heads for the basement, proud that he got rid of the reporter without revealing Masked Baggerís identity.

CUT TO: Bernie is almost finished painting Mindy.

Mindy Dalton: Are you close to being done, yet?

Bernie Boswell: Tut, tut, donít rush a genius of art.

Mindy Dalton: Iím sorry. Itís just cold in here.

Bernie Boswell: I know. My parents keep it at 60 degrees inside the house.

Mindy Dalton: I have to pee.

Bernie Boswell: Just two more strokes, and Iím finished.

Bernie finishes the painting.

Mindy Dalton: Done?

Bernie Boswell: Yep. Put on your robe, and come over here, and take a look at my finest painting yet!

Mindy puts her robe on, and walks over to Bernie and the painting. Itís no masterpiece. All Bernie did was paint a stick figure. To be fair, itís honestly the best he could do, but nevertheless, sheís mad.

Mindy Dalton: Is this a joke? I posed for three hours for you, and THAT is what you painted? What do you call this?

Bernie Boswell: (nervous) Um, abstract.

Mindy Dalton: Itís a freaking stick figure!

Bernie Boswell: But a beautiful stick figure - the Mona Lisa of stick figure paintings!

Mindy Dalton: Unbelievable!

Bernie Boswell: Considering your feelings on the painting, this might be a bad time to bring it up, but Iím gonna need you to pay me the $300 now.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is on the parking lot, running to get to the fuel center before it blows up, killing Davy, whoís trapped inside. However, a remote control cart sideswipes the 717 Guardian, knocking him to the ground. Our hero gets back up, and continues to run but only makes it a few steps before another cart rams into him. He doesnít fall down this time, but itís certainly slowing him down. Masked Bagger continues to run, but carts keep hitting him, preventing him from going very far. Itís a couple minutes later, and heís not even made it to where the first parking space is.

Masked Bagger: This is maddening!

He takes a few more steps, and is run into by another cart. A crowd has formed, watching our beloved hero getting beaten by carts. Tony Walmer walks outside, and is also a witness to this. Masked Bagger runs a little bit more, but, as you guessed, was hit by another cart. Heís getting angry. He finally runs faster than he did before, and no carts come close to himÖ until one rolls up, and rams him from the side. He flies in the air, but before landing, another cart slams into him, causing him to continue flying in the air, going back to the sidewalk - where he started. He hits the ground, and rolls back to Cartastrophe, who smiles.

Cartastrophe: There, there, simple bagger. You didnít get very far. Donít worry about the time, though. Itís not counting down to zero to blow. It will blow up when I crash into it because I know you canít stop me. I can outrun you any day. No offense, but youíre kinda out of shape.

Masked Bagger: I have the full intention of exercising but then I just donít.

Cartastrophe: (sarcastically) Hey tell THAT story again!

Suddenly he takes off, headed for the fuel center. Masked Bagger runs after him, knowing what will happen if he doesnít. The evil cart is smiling as he feels a victory coming on. Masked Bagger is running as fast as he can alongside Cartastrophe, but it doesnít seem to be fast enough. He takes out his bag-gun, and shoots it at the villain, but it doesnít connect.

Masked Bagger: No! Donít do this!

Cartastrophe outruns the hero, and it looks as though nothing can be done to save young Davy Tork. Cartastrophe accelerates his speed as he yellsÖ

Cartastrophe: Kamikaze Cart!!!

Masked Bagger: No!!!

Seeing no way of beating the wheeled villain to the fuel center, the 717 Guardian stops in his tracks, and watches as Cartastrophe successfully slams into his destination, and BOOM!!! The fuel center blows up. Debris is hurtling through the air. Masked Bagger drops to his knees, and tears come out of his eyes. He has failed. Mickey walks up behind him.

Mickey Tork: This is why I wanted to help you. No matter how good you are, sometimes you just need a little help.

Masked Bagger turns around, and sees Mickey Tork standing thereÖ next to his kid brother, a very much alive Davy. Our hero stands up.

Masked Bagger: How did youÖ What happened? I thought you were dead! The explosion and allÖ you were supposed to be inside.

Davy Tork: Sorry to disappoint.

Masked Bagger: No, Iím just confused.

Mickey Tork: Itís quite simple. While you were battling those carts, I snuck into the fuel center, and got Davy out myself. Luckily all those carts were focused on you, and you alone.

Davy Tork: Yeah, Mickeyís a hero!

Masked Bagger: Yes he is. Employee of the Month material in my opinion.

Tony Walmer walks up to the sexy 717 Guardian.

Tony Walmer: Masked Bagger, Iím Tony Walmer of the Kroger Gazette. Iíd like to interview you!

Masked Bagger: No.

Tony Walmer: Donít you want your story out there?

Masked Bagger: The only story I want out there is the story of these two brothers, and how one risked his life to save the other.

Tony Walmer: Yeah, I suppose corporate WILL want a story on the explosion - darn it. Know this, I WILL get a Masked Bagger exclusive one day, and the world WILL know your true identity.

Masked Bagger: Cool story, bro. (smiles) I got that from the internet.

Masked Bagger walks away, headed for the store. He makes his way through the crowd of people and into the lobby, through the store, and finally downstairs to the basement. Professor Tincher is there, unaware of what went on outside.

Professor Tincher: You will not believe the stressful kind of day I had.

CUT TO: A couple hours later at the fuel center. Masked Bagger is there with a few other people, who are cleaning up the area. Among the debris is an unconscious Cartastrophe. He lets out a faint moan. Heís alive! Masked Bagger quickly takes out his bag-gun and shoots him.

Masked Bagger: Got him.

CUT TO: The next day. Adam is up front bagging. Bernie walks into the store. Adam sees him and asksÖ

Adam Hauck: Bernie, howíd you get that black eye?

Bernie Boswell: Apparently my artwork is too controversial for some to handle.

Adam Hauck: You have artwork?

Bernie Boswell: I donít want to talk about it. Itís too painful, except to say that artists really do suffer. I think Iím gonna go cut off my ear now. Itís what we do.

Bernie walks over to produce. Adam resumes bagging. Mickey and Katie walk over to Adam.

Katie Collins: Once again, you missed all the excitement yesterday.

Adam Hauck: Did I?

Mickey Tork: Yeah. Cartastrophe kidnapped my kid brother, and blew up the fuel center. Thanks to Masked Bagger, I was able to sneak off and get Davy out of there before it blew.

Katie Collins: Yeah, and you were nowhere in sight. Big surprise.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, I seem to always miss out on all the fun.

Adam then turns to you - the reader - and winks.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-22-2017 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 04-02-2017, 11:59 AM   #20
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EPISODE #9. Return of the Pineapple-Man

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Pineapple-Man alias Vince Beckett
Bernie Boswell
Hailie Morgan (who disguises herself as Pineapple-Princess [pictured below])
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Old 04-02-2017, 12:02 PM   #21
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,004

EPISODE #9. Return of the Pineapple-Man

Originally Released on January 12th, 2014

Here Now, Our StoryÖ

Masked Bagger is making his rounds in the store when he sees a guy putting meat into his jacket. Our hero walks up to him.

Masked Bagger: Boo!

Guy: That didnít scare me. You donít scare me.

Masked Bagger: You *should* be scared of me.

Guy: Is that a threat?

Masked Bagger: No. Itís advice.

The guy takes a swing, but Masked Bagger ducks and then punches the guy in the face. He goes down.

Masked Bagger: Thatís all it took? Oh, I forgot. I usually battle villains with super powers. Well, time to call the cops.

CUT TO: Adam enters the basement lab. The Professorís down there.

Adam Hauck: I caught a meat thief!

Professor Tincher has a big smile on his face. Adam wonders why.

Adam Hauck: What are you so happy about? It wasnít *that* big of a deal.

Professor Tincher: I did it!

Adam Hauck: Oh, okay. Congrats. Is she still here?

Professor Tincher: What? No. I mean I did what Iíve been trying to do all this time. Iíve found a way to turn super villains back into their original persona.

Adam Hauck: Hey, thatís big! Youíre a genius.

Professor Tincher: I know.

Adam Hauck: Not very modest, however.

Professor Tincher: No need to be modest. Iíve done something wonderful. Now, so far Iíve only done it to *one* of the villains. Heís our guinea pig. If everything works out, Iíll do it to the rest.

Adam Hauck: Whoíd you choose?

Adam hears footsteps, and looks over to see Vince Beckett - no longer the Pineapple-Man - coming towards them. The former produce head has a smile on his face. Itís contagious as now all three men are smiling.

Vince Beckett: Why hello there, Adam.

Adam Hauck: Vince, itís been a while. (playing dumb) I thought you quit the store or something. I hadnít seen you around.

Vince Beckett: I was preoccupied with something else. However, Iím back now, and ready to take over the helm of produce once again.

Adam turns to Tincher.

Adam Hauck: Uh, this now presents a problem. What about Bernie?

Professor Tincher: I donít know. I didnít think everything through. Iím just glad to have successfully transformed him back.

Vince Beckett: By the way, what are you doing down here in the basement, Adam? I assumed only Mr. Tincher and The Masked Bagger knew about this place.

Adam Hauck: Um, well, I stumbled across it a couple months ago, and since then have been coming down here every once in a while to chat with the good Ďol Masked Bagger, and Tincher, too.

Professor Tincher: Vince, I just wanted to apologize for making you work that day. Obviously, had I known what was in store for you, I wouldnít have.

Vince Beckett: Keep your apologies, Stan. Sure I was mad at the time, but since Iíve been incarcerated here, youíve taken care of me as well as the other store villains. Youíre an honorable man. If anything, I must apologize to you.

Professor Tincher: For what?

Vince Beckett: Well for trying to kill you, of course.

Professor Tincher: (laughs) Oh yeah. I forgot.

Adam Hauck: Well I should go back upstairs and bag. Good to see you again, Vince. I mean it.

Vince Beckett: Thank you, Adam.

CUT TO: Adam is walking back up front when he spots Katie doing re-shops. Even though she has a boyfriend, Adam still likes her, and is planning to wait out this new relationship.

Adam Hauck: Hi, Katie. How are you doing?

Katie Collins: Bad. Austin is pissing me off. Heís such a jerk.

Adam Hauck: Iím sorry. Anything you care to talk about?

Katie Collins: No.

Adam Hauck: Good, because I didnít want to hear about it anyways.

Katie Collins: Youíre a jerk, too!

Adam Hauck: No, I was just trying to be nice by asking if you wanted to talk about it. Itís just too hard for me to listen to your relationship stories, feeling for you the way I do.

Katie Collins: All you need to know is that Austin is a jerk and doesnít treat me right.

Adam Hauck: Iím sorry to hear that.

Katie Collins: Whatever. I have to get carts now.

Katie walks away. Adam thinks this could be it for Katie and Austin, and gets an idea.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher and Vince Beckett walk over to produce and spot Bernie Boswell.

Professor Tincher: Bernie, Iíd like you to meet Vince Beckett.

Bernie Boswell: Why does that name sound familiar?

Vince Beckett: Because itís the name of the man you replaced.

Bernie Boswell: Oh yeah. You turned evil and started throwing all the produce at people.

Vince Beckett: Well Iím back now, so Iíll be resuming department head duties.

Bernie Boswell: What? Mr. Tincher, is this true?

Professor Tincher: I feel for right now, you two can be partners until I figure something out, or make transfer plans.

Bernie Boswell: Wait, who would be getting transferred?

Professor Tincher: I donít know. Wow me.

Bernie Boswell: I donít think thatís how it works, but in any case, how about dinner tonight at my place? My dadís making spaghetti.

Jokingly, Tincher turns to Vince.

Professor Tincher: Vince, can you top spaghetti?

Vince Beckett: No, ha-ha. Iíll transfer to a different store. Itís not fair to Mr. Boswell here that I just come back and take his job from him.

Bernie Boswell: Thanks for understanding.

Professor Tincher: Well you two can work together for now, right?

Vince Beckett: Of course.

Adam walks up.

Adam Hauck: I donít mean to interruptÖ but I will. Bernie, doesnít your uncle own a recording studio?

Bernie Boswell: Yeah. Why? You wanna make a CD together?

Adam Hauck: Yes I do. Along with Mr. Tincher and Mickey. I figured you three could sing back up. Iíll be the lead singer.

Professor Tincher: Why do you want to do this? Itís not an attempt to impress Katie, is it? She has a boyfriend, Adam.

Adam Hauck: Can he sing?

Professor Tincher: Can you?

Adam Hauck: Kinda.

Professor Tincher: Well in that case, Iím in.

CUT TO: A recording studio. Adam, Tincher, Bernie and Mickey are in the booth.

Bernie Boswell: Iím sorry I wasnít able to get you a discount, Adam.

Adam Hauck: Itís okay. Iím just glad weíre here, and we can make a vanity CD.

Mickey Tork: But what kind of CD is this? Weíre only doing one song.

Adam Hauck: Itís called a single. Besides this is the only song I know. Also, itís cheaper this way. No offense Bernie, but your uncle charges a lot to use this booth.

Bernie Boswell: No offense taken because I donít like my uncle.

Professor Tincher: This seems silly to me.

Adam Hauck: Come on. Itís going to be fun.

Professor Tincher: I think you and I have different opinions on whatís considered fun, but Iím doing this anyways, as a friend.

Adam Hauck: Thanks.

CUT TO: The produce back room. Vince drops an apple, but before it hits the floor, he uses telekinesis to stop it and send it back up to him. Back in his hand, Vince takes a big bite out of the fruit and smiles.

CUT TO: The guys back at the recording studio.

Adam Hauck: Alright. Everybody ready?

Tincher, Mickey & Bernie: Yes.

Adam Hauck: Letís do it. One, two, a-one, two three, fourÖ

The music starts for the song ďNa Na Na (Kiss Him Goodbye).Ē

Tincher, Mickey & Bernie: ♪ Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye. ♪

Adam Hauck: ♪ Heíll never love you, the way that I love you. Cause if he did, no, no, he wouldnít make you cry. He might be thrilliní baby but a-my loveÖ ♪

Tincher, Mickey & Bernie: ♪ My love, my love. ♪

Adam Hauck: ♪ So kiss himÖ ♪

Tincher, Mickey & Bernie: ♪ I wanna see you kiss him, I wanna see you kiss him goodbyeÖ ♪

They sing the rest of the song. When itís over, theyíre all proud of themselves, and start high-fiving one another. They are now ďAdam & the Others.Ē

(Steam performing "Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye")

CUT TO: Adam is in the produce department, looking at the apples, trying to pick out one for a customer who forgot to get it and asked the bagger to go for it. As heís looking, a rumbling occurs in the fruits.

Adam Hauck: Weird.

Suddenly all the fruits and vegetables leave their shelf and fall upwards as if gravity is on the ceiling. Adam looks up, but doesnít know what to make of it. The customer is watching and aggravated.

Customer: Could you hurry up? I donít have all day to spend here at the grocery store.

Adam Hauck: Do you not see what I see? Everything is up on the ceiling!

Just then, it all falls to the floor. Adam grabs one, and runs over to the customer at the register.

Customer: No, I donít like that one. Get me a better one!

Adam Hauck: Are you serious? Did you not see what just happened to me over there?

Customer: (with attitude) I'm sorry, is it all about you, or is it all about the customer?

Adam Hauck: Fine, but I am so going to vent about this on Facebook later.

Adam heads back to produce. He hears a couple of screams off in the distance and looks over to see Pineapple-Man - no longer Vince Beckett - walking slowly towards the department. All the fruits and veggies from the floor return to their spot on the shelves, thanks to Pineyís telekinesis.

Pineapple-Man: I made the full transformation.

Adam Hauck: Pineapple-Man? Youíre back!

Pineapple-Man: This is true, and I have a message for Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: Whatís that?

Pineapple-Man: Iím not mad at him for what happened to me. We fought and I lost. Iím not out to get revenge. This is my produce department, however, so Bernie will have to be rescued because Iím going to kill him. Why donít you run along and fetch the good hero of our store before Bernie ends up deceased?

Adam Hauck: This feels like a trap, but Iíll do my best to get him.

Adam runs off to the baggerís closet. When he comes out, heís Masked Bagger - guardian of 717! He heads back to produce where Pineapple-Man is still standing. The customer thinks Adam is still in the baggerís closet, and is upset with him for not returning with her apple.

Masked Bagger: Here I am, Piney!

Pineapple-Man: I thought I told you I hate that nickname.

Masked Bagger: Good! Now what are you doing back?

Pineapple-Man: The good professor let me out. Itís time to have some fun. Iíve really wanted to have a good kill while I was incarcerated. Iím choosing the idiot they got to replace Vince Beckett.

Masked Bagger: Come on, Vince. I know youíre still in there!

Pineapple-Man: Give it up, Bagger. Vince is a memory.

Masked Bagger: Professor Tincher reformed you! It wore off, so just take another dose of the medication!

Pineapple-Man: You fool. I was never reformed. My former appearance returned, and I knew if I said it worked, and faked it for a while, I would be freed from that basement prison.

Bernie walks up and spots Pineapple-Man.

Bernie Boswell: Yes! With Beckett evil again, thereís no question I get to keep my job!

The pariah of produce turns around to face Bernie.

Pineapple-Man: How can you keep your job if youíre dead?

Bernie Boswell: I couldnít. Itís a good thing Iím alive.

Pineapple-Man: You canít take a hint, can you?

Bernie Boswell: No. Why?

Pineapple-Man quickly takes out a sharp produce knife, and stabs Bernie in the chest. He drops to the floor. Masked Bagger runs over.

Masked Bagger: No!

Pineapple-Man: (jokingly) What kind of a superhero are you, Bagger? You were supposed to rescue the weird produce boy. You have failed and will have to live with this failure for the rest of your life. Hahaha, THATíS my revenge!

Piney - using telekinesis - hurls a cantaloupe at Masked Bagger, hitting him in the face, which serves as a diversion for the bad guy to run off. The 717 Guardian bounces back quickly, and goes over to Bernie, who is on the floor, dying.

Bernie Boswell: Donít tell my mom Iím dead. She lost her mind years ago and believes there are tiny aliens living under her bed, ready to attack at any moment. So just tell her I joined the military, was shrunken, and sent under her bed to keep the aliens from taking over earth. My dadís sane, so you can tell him the truth - a giant, walking, talking pineapple stabbed me to death.

Masked Bagger: Weíre gonna get you to the hospital, Bernie. Donít give up yet. Itís not your time!

CUT TO: Masked Bagger and Professor Tincher are in the basement lab.

Professor Tincher: I canít believe I failed.

Masked Bagger: Donít beat yourself up over this.

Professor Tincher: I canít help it. I was so sure I did it. I was so happy about it. I felt as though I had some small control in this crazy world. Because of me, BernieísÖ

Masked Bagger: In the hospital. Hopefully he recovers, but right now, we have to figure out a way to stop Pineapple-Man.

Professor Tincher: Did you try using your bag-gun?

Masked Bagger: That sounds simple enough, but most of the time Iím fighting a villain, I donít think to shoot them with it. So no, I didnít try my bag-gun.

Professor Tincher: Well try that, but for now we have to figure a way to get him out in the open. I mean, I assume heís in hiding right now.

Our hero looks at the monitor, which is right behind Tincher. It shows Pineapple-Man, proudly walking around produce.

Masked Bagger: Um, heís not hiding. Look!

He points to the monitor. Tincher turns and looks at it.

Professor Tincher: Go get him!

Masked Bagger leaves the basement, headed for produce.

CUT TO: The produce. Pineapple-Man is standing there, when Hailie Morgan walks up to him. Sheís instantly smitten with him.

Hailie Morgan: Who be you?

Pineapple-Man: What?

Hailie Morgan: Who be you?

Pineapple-Man: Please speak English.

Hailie Morgan: Iím asking who you are.

Pineapple-Man: Oh, Iím Pineapple-Man.

Hailie Morgan: Dang, you fine. How Ďbout we find someplace to go, and press it?

Pineapple-Man: Excuse me?

Hailie Morgan: ďPress itĒ - you know, press our bodies together, doing the sex thang. Another term for bumping nasties.

Pineapple-Man: Where were you raised, young lady?

Hailie Morgan: Nunya.

Pineapple-Man: Nunya?

Hailie Morgan: Nunya business.

With his mind, Pineapple-Man hurls a peach at Hailieís stomach.

Hailie Morgan: Ouch. (smiles) I love it when men get rough. Iíll be back. I think I know what you want!

Hailie walks away.

Pineapple-Man: You leaving - thatís exactly what I want.

Masked Bagger comes up to the super villain, holding his bag-gun. Piney quickly, telekinetically, throws a pineapple at the gun, knocking it out of our heroís hand. It hits the floor and breaks.

Pineapple-Man: We wonít have a repeat of before when you defeated me using a cart strap and that bag-gun.

The produce pariah thinks of all the fruits and vegetables covering Masked Baggerís body, and because he has that power, it happens. The 717 Guardian is suddenly buried under all the produce in the store. Then, using his mind control, Piney pushes them, sliding our hero with them, all the way to the deli. When Masked Bagger gets out, he looks down at produce, but Pineapple-Man is gone. Masked Bagger walks off as all the fruits and vegetables are left on the floor of the deli.

Voice on Intercom: Clean-up in the deli. Clean up in the deli.

Mickey, the cleaner, walks over to the mess.

Mickey Tork: I knew it was a mistake getting out of bed this morning.

CUT TO: The next day. Pineapple-Man is once again strutting around the produce department. Hailie walks over to him. She is now gussied up to look like a female version of the produce pariah.

Pineapple-Man: Who are you?

Hailie Morgan: Pineapple-Princess! I be all yours.

Pineapple-Man: I must admit, this *is* doing something for me.

Hailie Morgan: I knew it would. Letís press it.

Pineapple-Man: Oh wait. Youíre that obnoxious girl with the bizarre way of speaking.

Hailie Morgan: Yep, that be me.

Pineapple-Man: Goodbye.

Hailie Morgan: Give me a chance. Maybe we have some stuff in common. Whatís your favorite TV show?

Pineapple-Man: I donít watch television.

Hailie Morgan: Oh. Mine be ď14 and Dreaming of Being Pregnant.Ē

Pineapple-Man: (sarcastically) Thatís some quality programming there.

Hailie Morgan: You dang tootiní.

CUT TO: Adam walks into work. Professor Tincher is up front.

Adam Hauck: Any word on Bernie?

Professor Tincher: Heís still in critical condition. I donít know if heís gonna make it.

Adam Hauck: Thatís it. Until Pineapple-Man is captured, Adam Hauck is gonna be off work. Iím Masked Bagger non-stop.

Professor Tincher: Quick, pretend like youíre sick.

Adam groans really loud. Customers and employees look as he fakes being doubled over with stomach pains.

Adam Hauck: I have to go home. I am so very sick!

Professor Tincher: Yes, by all means, go home, Adam!

Adam walks outside, changes into Masked Bagger, and re-enters the store. The Professor decides to keep things going.

Professor Tincher: Why hello there, Masked Bagger. Did you happen to see Adam Hauck outside?

Masked Bagger: Yes, I passed him on my way in here. He looked sick. I imagine heíll be okay though. Now if youíll excuse me, I have work to do.

The Masked Bagger heads over to produce. Both pineapple people are standing there.

Masked Bagger: What did you do to Hailie?

Pineapple-Man: I didnít do anything to her. She did this to herself.

Hailie Morgan: I be the Pineapple-Princess.

Masked Bagger: Walk away, Hailie. This doesnít concern you.

Hailie grabs a pear and throws it at Masked Bagger. He catches it and tosses it on the floor.

Masked Bagger: Youíre making me angry, Hailie.

Hailie Morgan: Pineapple-Princess!

Masked Bagger: You realize Pineapple-Man is evil? He stabbed Bernie, and a few months ago kidnapped Mr. Tincher, and almost killed him.

Hailie Morgan: I like bad boys.

Pineapple-Man: You were kind of amusing for about two seconds, but now Iím done with you. Join Bernie.

Pineapple-Man takes the knife out of his pants pocket.

Hailie Morgan: That was a knife in yo pocket? Dang, I thought you be turned on.

He raises his arm. Masked Bagger pushes Hailie out of the way. As the knife is about to make contact with our heroís masculine chest, a giant plastic bag covers Pineyís body. Masked Bagger looks over, and sees Professor Tincher, holding the bag-gun.

Professor Tincher: I fixed it. Funny how it *was* the very first thing I thought to do when I saw him.

Hailie Morgan: What? Thatís it? I be wanting to see some blood - a ghetto style fight!

Masked Bagger: Sorry to disappoint. How are you doing with that still being alive thing, though?

Hailie Morgan: (insulted) You be wanting a thank you?

Masked Bagger: No. Thatís not why I do what I do.

Hailie Morgan: Well thanks, anyway. Thanks for screwing up my love life. He be like my soul mate.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher walks back into the basement lab after incarcerating Pineapple-Man. Masked Bagger is standing there.

Professor Tincher: And back to the cell he goes.

Masked Bagger: Where he belongs.

Professor Tincher: No. He belongs upstairs. He belongs back in produce. He belongs with the normal people.

Masked Bagger: Have you been upstairs lately? Who are these ďnormal peopleĒ youíre referring to?

Professor Tincher: You know what I mean. Iíve failed.

Masked Bagger: Professor, itís not your fault that Vince is Pineapple-Man. It wasnít your fault when he was first transformed, and itís not your fault now. Weíre battling evil here. It was evil that placed that ladder in front of the compost, and it was evil that struck that ladder with lightning causing Vince to fall in. I have faith that we will win in the end, but the end is a long ways off. So until then, we just have to rely on each other to get through this and to manage the chaos.

Professor Tincher: (smiles) I knew there was a reason I chose you to be our hero.

CUT TO: Adam finds Katie to present her with the CD the guys and he made. Heís nervous, but believes sheíll love it.

Adam Hauck: Hi Katie. How are you doing?

Katie Collins: Great! I love Austin so much! Heís so sweet!

Adam Hauck: Um, what? I thought you were mad at him.

Katie Collins: Yeah, I was, but not now. Heís my honey bun.

Adam Hauck: So youíre not on the verge of breaking up?

Katie Collins: Youíve never been in a relationship, have you?

Adam Hauck: Once, but she lied about her ageÖ and identity. Plus she took up smoking.

Katie Collins: Well you donít break up over a little fight. Couples fight, but then they make up. You werenít wishing for us to break up, were you?

Adam Hauck: No, of course not.

Katie Collins: Good. Iíll see ya later, kid.

Katie walks off.

Adam Hauck: (to himself) Itís quite possible that I am a fool.

He then throws the CD in the garbage.

CUT TO: A few days later. At the hospital. Masked Bagger and Professor Tincher are walking down the hallway, just having a casual conversation.

Masked Bagger: No, youíre forgetting Bashful. Itís Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy and Bashful.

Professor Tincher: Oh, right.

They walk into Bernieís room. Heís laying in the bed, looking goodÖ well for Bernie.

Bernie Boswell: I donít believe it - The Masked Bagger! Hello!

Masked Bagger: Hi, Bernie. How are you doing?

Bernie Boswell: Good.

Masked Bagger: So, youíre going to live?

Bernie Boswell: Thatís what the doctors say. Thanks to my religion - Boswellity - I canít die. I should have had more faith in that before.

That is not the reason he survived, but Bernie seems to believe it.

Professor Tincher: Masked Bagger captured Pineapple-Man, which means Vince Beckett is gone, too. So when you return to work, you donít have to worry about either one of his personalities.

Bernie Boswell: Thatís great.

Masked Bagger: Iím sorry this happened to you.

Bernie Boswell: Donít be. Iím loving the attention. Itís nice to finally have people show they care about me. Getting stabbed was the best thing to ever happen to me. Plus, I got the nurseís phone number.

Professor Tincher: Let me guess, sheís old.

Bernie Boswell: Itís tacky to give her age, but Iíll put it to you this way, sheís lived through three presidential assassinations.

Professor Tincher: No, thatís impossible, Bernie.

Bernie Boswell: Well, Iím not sure exactly how old. I guess sheís about your age, Mister Tincher.

If Masked Bagger wasnít there to stop the Professor, Bernie may have had a longer stay in the hospital.


Last edited by Adamantium; 09-23-2017 at 02:17 PM.
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Old 04-02-2017, 04:11 PM   #22
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EPISODE #10. Kroger Genesis

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Time-Clock alias Chuck Hardy [pictured below]
Barney Kroger [pictured below]
Kroger Devil [pictured below]
Roy Carter [pictured below]
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Old 04-02-2017, 04:15 PM   #23
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EPISODE #10. Kroger Genesis

Originally Released on January 28th, 2014

And Now This EpisodeÖ

JANUARY 2013 - Professor Tincher is in the basement lab. Heís working on a time machine outfit with his friend, co-manager Chuck Hardy. This is a full month before Adam arrives at 717 and becomes the masked hero we all know and love.

Professor Tincher: Thatís it. Iím done!

Chuck Hardy: Youíve just invented a time machine thatís also a suit of armor. Youíre going to be famous!

Professor Tincher: I didnít do this for fame. I did it so I can go back in time and find out what happened to my son, Bailey. I have to rescue him, which would of course save Brooke, too.

Chuck Hardy: Too bad thatís not going to happen, buddy.

Professor Tincher: Why not?

Chuck Hardy: Iíve got other ideas for it.

Professor Tincher: Huh?

Chuck Hardy: Youíre a genius but not very bright. Iíve been using you for your brain. Do you honestly think I like you?

Just then, Chuck punches Tincher in the face, knocking him out. He takes a syringe and jabs it in Tincherís temple.

Chuck Hardy: There, Iíve erased your knowledge of time travel, so you wonít be able to duplicate this machine and come after me.

Chuck puts on the suit of armor, becoming a walking, talking time machine. Thereís a flash of light as Chuck Hardy, now The Time-Clock, vanishes.

CUT TO: JANUARY 2014 - Itís the morning and Adam enters the store. Heís looking upset. Professor Tincher happens to be up front and greets his employee.

Professor Tincher: Good morning, Adam. How are you doing?

Adam Hauck: Not good. I got on Facebook earlier and noticed that Katie has changed her name to ďAustin Katie Slaughter.Ē Itís like she just looks for new ways to twist the knife in my heart.

Professor Tincher: Adam, you have to get over her.

Adam Hauck: I canít. I know itís right.

Professor Tincher: You seem to be the only one who *knows* that.

Adam Hauck: Maybe so, but that doesnít make it any less right.

Professor Tincher: Listen, I need you to put on your Masked Bagger outfit. Weíre gonna shoot that commercial now.

Adam Hauck: Iím on it.

Adam walks away to become Masked Bagger - Guardian of 717, star of his very own commercial.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is standing in front of Masked Bagger with a camcorder. They are in the managerís office.

Professor Tincher: Okay. Masked Bagger commercial take oneÖ action!

Masked Bagger: Hello. My name is Masked Bagger. I am a superhero from Kroger store 717. Kroger goes back to the year 1883, when a gentleman by the name of Barney Kroger opened the very first store. Back then, his biggest problem was simply living in the 1800s. No TV, no internet, no rock and roll music. I know *I* couldnít have survived back then. Luckily, today thereís plenty of TV, lots of internet and the rock and roll music is here, too.

Professor Tincher: Cut! Adam, none of this is from the script.

Adam Hauck: Iím sorry, Professor. I didnít memorize the script. I figured I could just wing it.

Professor Tincher: Why?

Masked Bagger: I was up all night writing a series of stories about what my life would be like if I hadnít come to 717. Iím just Adam, a cleaner working at store 832 and having all sorts of wacky misadventures. In my latest issues, Iíve just gotten married and now itís a month later and my beautiful bride tells me that sheís pregnant. These stories are accurate to what Iím sure would be going on in my real life right now had I not come here.

Professor Tincher: Sorry to have taken you away from all that.

Masked Bagger: Itís okay. As soon as I buy some ink, Iíll print you out a copy.

Suddenly, thereís a flash of light as The Time-Clock appears. Tincher recognizes the outfit instantly. Masked Bagger, obviously doesnít.

Time-Clock: Letís play a time game!

Professor Tincher: Chuck Hardy? Is that you?

Time-Clock: My name is Time-Clock.

Masked Bagger: Is this a super villain, Professor?

Professor Tincher: Itís someone from the past.

Just then, Time-Clock lunges at Masked Bagger, and they both fall to the floor. Once they land, thereís a different surrounding. Our hero looks around, confused. Itís a much smaller store and is painted red, inside and out.

Masked Bagger: Whatís this?

Time-Clock: Tag. Youíre it!

The villain gets off our precious hero and stands over him.

Time-Clock: Iím going to take off for a while. If you donít find me by the time I leave this period, then youíre stuck here forever!

Masked Bagger: What? Where is ďhereĒ?

Time-Clock: I believe you mean *when* is here? For you seeÖ

A man by the name of Henry Preston enters the store and sees this.

Henry Preston: I donít believe it - a man made out of metal!

Time-Clock extends his left arm and shoots a laser beam at Henry, killing him instantly.

Time-Clock: Like I was saying, this is a time game.

The terrible time villain turns around and runs off. Masked Bagger rolls over to the late Henry Preston and checks on him. Yep, heís dead.

Masked Bagger: Rest in peace, sir.

Masked Bagger stands up, still trying to figure out where he is. The store doesnít look anything like what heís used to. For one thing, itís just one big room. There are no aisles or departments. Just a big counter with groceries on the shelves behind it. Masked Bagger heads for the door and steps outside. Itís summertime out there. He sees a man riding a horse and buggy. There are other people walking around, dressed up in clothes from the olden days. Our hero realizes he really has gone back in time!

Masked Bagger: Oh boy!

Masked Bagger walks back inside. Barney Kroger enters from the back room. Heís surprised to see a man in a mask there.

Barney Kroger: Who are you?

Masked Bagger: Excuse me, but where am I?

Barney Kroger: Why are you wearing that mask?

Masked Bagger: Just please tell me where I am.

Barney Kroger: This is The Great Western Tea Company.

Masked Bagger: Not Kroger?

Barney Kroger: My name is Kroger.

Masked Bagger: Barney Kroger?

Barney Kroger: Yes.

Masked Bagger: Okay, now I have a nutty question for you but please just answer it straight. What year is this?

Barney Kroger: Are you out of your head? Itís 1883, of course!

Masked Bagger: 1883? Thatís a long ways off of 2014.

Barney Kroger: Yes, Iíd say it is. Now please explain the mask.

Masked Bagger: Oh, uh, Iím just headed to a costume party and I seem to have stumbled into your fine establishment. They had costume parties in the 1800s, right?

Barney Kroger: Thatís a little peculiar, mainly due to the fact that Iím not open for business yet. The grand opening isnít for a couple of hours, and of course we have costume parties.

Masked Bagger: So this is how it all began, huh?

Barney looks over and sees the late Henry Preston dead on the floor. Assuming heís passed out drunk, Barney runs over to him.

Barney Kroger: Henry. Henry, are you soaked? Drinking whisky before weíre opening the store!

Masked Bagger: Heís dead. I saw the man who did it. He was also dressed in a costume.

Barney Kroger: Dead? It canít be.

Masked Bagger: Looks like things are off to a rough start.

CUT TO: Out of the dirt, crawls an evil being. One day he will be known as The Kroger Devil, but for now, heís simply a devil. Thereís a difference in his appearance: his skin is tan, his tail doesnít have the Kroger ďKĒ, and his clothing is different. He laughs as his full body is above ground. He looks ahead at The Great Western Tea Company and grins.

CUT TO: The Great Western Tea Company. Barney is outside, talking to the men who are taking Henryís body away. Masked Bagger is still inside the store. Magically, Professor Tincher appears. Our hero looks over and sees him.

Masked Bagger: Professor! I canít believe itís you!

Professor Tincher: Yes, well, Iím here in hologram form. Only *you* can see and hear me.

Masked Bagger: Like in the TV show ďQuantum LeapĒ?

Professor Tincher: Exactly. Thatís where I got the idea from. Look, I invented the time machine armor that Chuck stole a year ago. Since Iím the inventor, I have a device that allows me to tune into the same frequency as Time-Clock. As long as heís in this time period, I can visit, but once he leavesÖ well thatís it.

Masked Bagger: You mean Iíll never see you again?

Professor Tincher: Youíre playing a time game. As long as you find Time-Clock and tag him before he exits the period, youíll return home, and everything will be fine.

Masked Bagger: Do we know when heíll return to 2014?

Professor Tincher: By my calculations, we have three days here. Just donít change history. You didnít, did you?

Masked Bagger: No, I didnít, but Time-Clock killed somebody. They say his name was Henry Preston. Can you get any info on him?

Professor Tincher: I donít need to. I already know who he was. Have you met Roy Carter yet?

Masked Bagger: No, I donít think so.

Professor Tincher: Roy Carter ran a grocery store called Carterís. Itís across the street from this place, but itís not very good. Itís poorly run and the merchandise was crap and it wasnít cheap either. Since there was no other grocery store around for miles, many people had little choice other than to shop there. Then along came Kroger, which took pride in the business and Carterís sales took a serious nosedive within just three days. Crazed, Carter aimed to shoot Barney Kroger, but Henry Preston shoved Kroger out of the way and got shot in his place. If Henryís not alive to give his life for Barney, then our founder will be murdered, and at this crucial point in the life of the store, if there is no Barney Kroger, the place will just be shut down.

Masked Bagger: This is heavy!

Professor Tincher: Okay, you did your little homage to ďBack to the Future.Ē Now letís return to our actual situation.

Masked Bagger: Right.

Professor Tincher: If you find Time-Clock and return to the present without saving Barney first, then there wonít be a Kroger to come back to. Without a Kroger on this Earth level, the evil wonít be contained and thereís a very good chance this world will be overrun with evil.

Masked Bagger: So, I just beat up Roy Carter now? Stop him before he ever gets a chance to kill Kroger.

Professor Tincher: No. History has to play out as closely as possible to the original timeline, or anything could happen. Roy went into hiding after this and eventually fathered two children. One of them would grow up to be quite heroic and saved many lives. So we canít risk Royís son not being born.

Masked Bagger: Well I understand but this wonít be easy.

Professor Tincher: So Kroger wonít get suspicious as to why youíre hanging around his store, I suggest you try and get a job here.

Masked Bagger: Okay but Iíll have some serious seniority when I get back to our store.

Professor Tincher: Technically this is the site for our store, too. They eventually moved store number one down a few blocks and 717 was built here.

Masked Bagger: Wish me luck. Iím about to have a job interview with Barney Kroger himself. It doesnít get higher up in the company than that.

CUT TO: Adam enters The Great Western Tea Company (which will one day be called Kroger). Heís dressed in 1880ís attire that he found hanging from a clothes line in someoneís backyard. Once he walks in, Barney spots him.

Adam Hauck: Hello, Iím here looking for work.

Barney Kroger: You are in luck. My one employee just passed away so thereís an opening. Have you ever worked in a grocery store before?

Adam Hauck: Yes, but it was nothing like this.

Barney Kroger: Whatís your name?

Adam Hauck: Uh, MartyÖ Marty McFly.

Barney Kroger: Well Marty, since I need help immediately, Iím going to take a chance on you. Do you have any questions for me?

Adam Hauck: How are you gonna run this business different from Carterís?

Barney Kroger: For one thing - with pride. I wonít sell just anything. Itís my feeling that you need to be particular. Never sell anything you would not want yourself.

Adam Hauck: Awesome.

Barney Kroger: Our vernacular is quite different, Iím afraid. What, may I ask, is ďawesomeĒ?

Adam Hauck: Itís a word where I come from meaning good, or awesome. No, I shouldnít use the word as its own definition.

CUT TO: ďThe Transit of Venus MarchĒ (music from 1883) is playing over this montage. Adam is working behind the counter as some of the first customers enter the store. They point to items on the shelf they want, and Adam gets it for them. / Adam is snooping around the store in search of Time-Clock. He also goes outside and looks around but to no avail. / With no currency he can use, Adam gets to eat with Barney Kroger. Itís good food, but itís not pizza. Adam was shocked to learn they didnít sell frozen pizzas at the store back then. He has to drink a glass of water which is not as clean as heíd like it to be. Adam would prefer some delicious Mountain Dew, but that wouldnít be invented until 1940. / Adam continues working at the store, while Professor Tincher spends time in both 1883 and 2014.

("Transit of Venus March")

CUT TO: Kroger 717, present day. Katie and Mickey are bagging. The place is packed with customers. There is a threat of snow, so naturally every person from Ohio has to do their shopping now.

Katie Collins: I canít believe Adamís not here today.

Mickey Tork: I think heís the only person whoís not.

Katie Collins: Heís always wandering the store or calling off. I wonder how he even keeps his job.

Mickey Tork: Well heís good friends with Mr. Tincher. Iím sure that has something to do with it.

Katie Collins: Yeah.

Mickey Tork: Mr. Tincher is also the guy who helps and mentors Masked Bagger. Of course, Adam first showed up around the same time Masked Bagger did. I wonder ifÖ

Katie Collins: Youíre not saying Adam is Masked Bagger? Imma need you to jumpstart your brain!

Mickey Tork: Yeah, youíre right. Iím being silly.

Customer: (to Mickey) And slow. Could you hurry it up? Iíd like to get home before the snow covers my car and Iím stranded here.

CUT TO: Back to 1883. Itís now the third day, which is both the day Time-Clock is set to leave, and the day Barney Kroger is to die. Royís losing money to the competition and heís upset. The Kroger Devil and Roy Carter are in the back room of Carterís.

Kroger Devil: Barney Kroger needs to die. Thatís the only way you are going to get ahead of the competition.

Roy Carter: I most certainly will not take a manís life.

Kroger Devil: You most certainly willÖ take the fall.

Roy Carter: Who are you, anyway?

Kroger Devil: Iím a devil.

Roy Carter: Thatís preposterous! Youíre not the devil!

Kroger Devil: Not *the* devil, no. Iím *a* devil. The devil of Krogerís place over there.

Roy Carter: A place has its own devil?

Kroger Devil: This one does.

Roy Carter: Be gone. I want nothing more to do with you!

Kroger Devil: Weíll have to do this the fun wayÖ against your will.

The Kroger Devil puts his hand on Royís forehead, which causes his eyes to turn red. Roy is now under the control of that rotten devil.

CUT TO: Adam is behind the counter. Barney enters the store.

Barney Kroger: Iíve returned from making deliveries. This is great. Iím really in the grocery business.

Adam Hauck: Thanks for making those deliveries in my place since I donít have my horse and buggy license.

Barney Kroger: Itís quite alright. Iím enjoying it.

Adam Hauck: Also, thanks for setting me up in the hotel across the street. Itís good to know my employer is also my friend.

Barney Kroger: Iím not going to have my employee living on the street. It could be bad for business.

Roy Carter enters the store with a glazed look in his eyes and a gun in his hand. He aims it at Barney. Adam ducks down and quickly puts on his Masked Bagger outfit. He then gets up and stands next to Kroger.

Roy Carter: Who are you?

Masked Bagger: Masked Bagger. Donít do this, Roy.

Roy Carter: Donít talk to me like I have a choice in the matter.

Roy Carter, possessed by the Kroger Devil, shoots at Barney but Masked Bagger pushes him out of the way and literally takes a bullet for him. Our hero drops to the floor. Both men are shocked, especially Roy, who runs out of the store. Barney Kroger kneels down beside the masked hero.

Barney Kroger: I donít know who you are under that mask, but you have saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

Professor Tincher returns to the scene and finds Masked Bagger laying on the floor. He doesnít know what to think.

Professor Tincher: Adam? What happened?

Masked Bagger: Barney, I would gladly do it again. Could you give me a moment to myself, though?

Barney Kroger: Certainly.

Barney leaves the store. Once heís out, our hero begins talking.

Masked Bagger: Professor, I guess this is goodbye. Iím sorry I failed you. I did my best.

Professor Tincher: You didnít fail me, Adam. You have been a superb superhero. Iím so proud of you.

Masked Bagger: Please tell Katie that I love her, and Iím happy for her that sheís found someone who makes her happy.

Professor Tincher: Iíll tell her.

Masked Bagger: Thank you, Professor. Thank you for giving me this life. Iíve had so much fun as The Masked Bagger. Itís given my life meaning. I guess youíll have to find someone else to don the mask and fight evil at 717 now.

Professor Tincher: I donít want to think about that right now. I just canít believe your bulletproof vest failed.

Masked Bagger: Bulletproof vest?

Professor Tincher: Your jacket - itís bulletproof. It didnít work though.

Masked Bagger opens up his jacket and notices thereís no wound on his chest.

Masked Bagger: Okay, that explains why Iím not bleeding all over the place and why I feel fine.

Professor Tincher: Huh?

Masked Bagger: Thereís a chance Iím not dying. I just assumed I was because I was shot and all.

They both smile and soon burst out laughing. This attracts the attention of Barney Kroger, who rushes back inside.

Masked Bagger: Iím going to be alright. My jacket caught the bullet.

Kroger extends his hand to our hero and helps him up off the floor.

Barney Kroger: Wonderful!

Professor Tincher spots Time-Clock out the window, hiding in some bushes.

Professor Tincher: Adam, I see Time-Clock! Heís outside in some bushes! Go get him!

Masked Bagger: Mr. Kroger, you have a great business here. I wish you the best of luck with it.

Barney Kroger: Thank you, but you sound as if youíre leaving.

Masked Bagger: I am, and so is (he takes off his mask, revealing his identity) Marty McFly. My real name is Adam Hauck. I donít know why I lied about that before. Youíve been a great boss, but I have to go, so goodbye.

Barney Kroger: Goodbye, Masked Bagger. Thank you for everything.

Masked Bagger puts his mask back on, runs outside, and attacks Time-Clock, who gets out of the bushes. They begin to fight. Masked Bagger punches Time-Clock in the face. It hurts only our hero, since the villainís face is made of metal. Suddenly, Professor Tincher gets a chill down his spine. He sees the Kroger Devil standing there, watching the fight.

Professor Tincher: Adam, look!

Masked Bagger: Professor, is that who I think it is?

Professor Tincher: Oh yes - The Kroger Devil. He looks slightly different, but thatís him. Iím really glad he canít see me right now. Of course, he doesnít know who I am at this point in history anyways.

Masked Bagger: Probably because you donít exist at this point in history.

Professor Tincher: Thatís why, yes.

Kroger Devil: Well, well, what do we have here? A man in a mask fighting a man in some freaky metal armor?

Masked Bagger: You answered your own question, Devil!

Kroger Devil: You donít get to speak my name, Masky! I want to talk to the man in charge. Give me Kroger!

Barney walks outside.

Barney Kroger: Iím here. What do you want with me?

Kroger Devil: Iím gonna burn this place to the ground. I just want you to know that, and that thereís nothing you can do about it.

An army of little demons appear behind Kroger Devil. Their hands are made of fire and they look anxious.

Professor Tincher: You have to stop this.

Masked Bagger: I donít know how.

Professor Tincher: Neither do I, but just find a way.

Masked Bagger: You really *are* management.

Barney Kroger: Just hold it right there. No one will harm my building, but even if they do, it wonít change anything. Iíll just rebuild. You can destroy the building but not the spirit of the man or his will to go on.

Kroger Devil: So I have permission to destroy the building?

Barney Kroger: Not quite.

Kroger Devil: Good. I like it better this way. DemonsÖ destroy!

All the little demons run to the building. Masked Bagger runs in front of them and as they try to enter, he kicks them away. This doesnít stop them. It only slows them down. They are determined to get inside. The 717 Guardian doesnít stop, either. He keeps on kicking them away from the building.

Barney Kroger: I know who you are, Devil. I was warned about you. I also know that I am the only person who can defeat you.

Barney runs for the Kroger Devil. They roll around on the ground for a little bit, fighting. The little demons are wore out. Masked Bagger looks at Time-Clock and notices that the clock on his chest is counting down from ten. Masked Bagger runs over and jumps on Time-Clock, knocking him down. Once they land, our hero realizes heís back in 2014. He gets off Time-Clock, who immediately stands up.

Masked Bagger: Weíre back! Youíre under arrest!

Time-Clock: I donít think so!

Professor Tincher, no longer a hologram, runs over to the villain.

Professor Tincher: Chuck, how could you betray me? You know why I need the armor. Give it back!

Time-Clock removes his mask, revealing Chuckís face. He smiles.

Time-Clock: Is it too obvious that Iím gonna say no, or should I not worry about it, and just say no?

Masked Bagger punches the villain in his stomach. This affects the armor and suddenly a time portal opens behind Hardy. He is sucked through, and has no control over where heís going.

Masked Bagger: What happened?

Professor Tincher: I donít know, but heís gone.

Masked Bagger: Will he be back?

Professor Tincher: I donít know. I hope so. I need that armor.

Masked Bagger: What about the past?

Professor Tincher: Oh, you mean 1883? Well things worked out. Just like in the original timeline, Barney Kroger defeated the Kroger Devil and banished him for a little over 120 years. Which is what I knew would happen. Thatís why I wasnít really worried for you. It wasnít your job to defeat the Kroger Devil. It was Krogerís. Although youíll get your turn with him at some point.

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) Yay.

CUT TO: Mickey and Katie walk by and spot Adam coming out of the office. They stop to talk to him.

Mickey Tork: Adam, there you are. We havenít seen you in a couple days. Whereíve you been?

Adam Hauck: Uh, Mr. Tincher wanted me to write an article about the history of Kroger for the Gazette, so Iíve been busy doing the research. Hey, it was either that or bag, ha-ha.

They donít find it funny since they had to spend the whole time bagging.

Adam Hauck: Mickey, if you donít mind, Iíd like to talk to Katie alone.

Mickey Tork: Okay.

Mickey walks away.

Katie Collins: What is it?

Adam Hauck: I have to say that, um, you are everything to me. When I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, you will play a prominent role in that flash back. Even though I know I wonít even make the cut in yours.

Katie Collins: Adam, thatís sweet, but you know Iím with Austin.

Adam Hauck: I know. I just want you to know exactly how I feel. If anything ever happens to me, I donít want to leave this world without you knowing that I love you, Katie Collins, with all my heart.

Katie smiles.

Katie Collins: Youíre weird.

Adam knows she doesnít return the feelings he has for her, and is satisfied - for now at least - with the smile and joking insult. Suddenly, Mickey runs past them.

Mickey Tork: The birds are back!

He runs off. Adam and Katie look at one another.

Katie Collins: You better get to the photo lab and hide.

Adam Hauck: (smiles) Itís what I do.

Adam runs to the photo lab and looks back. Katie walks off in the other direction. This gives him the chance to head up front, where he gets in the baggerís closet and becomes Masked Bagger. Dressed as the guardian of 717, our hero shouts outÖ

Masked Bagger: Yippie-Ki-Yay, Mother-Feathers!

He then begins to fight off the giant birds, protecting the people of the store once again.


Last edited by Adamantium; 09-24-2017 at 10:27 AM.
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Old 04-02-2017, 05:02 PM   #24
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Now that I've completed the first season, I plan to re-read all of the episodes on here to check for typos. Then I shall begin posting the second season in a new thread. I try to do an episode a day (today I managed to get two in).

If you have anything to say or ask, please leave a comment.
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Old 04-12-2017, 01:24 PM   #25
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Okay I FINALLY went back and checked all of the episodes for typos. There were quite a few. It was annoying, and I'm sorry to those of you who read the stories with the typos.

Since I enjoy doing Casts-Per-Episodes ListsÖ

The Masked Bagger
Season One: 2013 - 2014 (10 episodes)
Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck (10 episodes)
Professor Stan Tincher (10 episodes)
Katie Collins (10 episodes)
Mickey Tork (10 episodes)

Recurring Cast:
Bernie Boswell (6 episodes)
Hailie Morgan (4 episodes)
Mindy Dalton (1 episode)

The Villains:
Pineapple-Man alias Vince Beckett (2 episodes)
The Powder alias Bailey Moore (2 episodes)
Salt-Man alias Dan Lewis (1 episode)
Meat-Man alias Rob Jenkins (1 episode)
Kroger Devil (3 episodes)
Mr. Hyatt (1 episode)
Cutter Magee alias Johnny Magee (1 episode)
Floralicity alias Debbie Garfield (1 episode)
Cartastrophe alias Randy Blaine (1 episode)
Time-Clock alias Chuck Hardy (1 episode)
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Old 06-28-2017, 02:23 PM   #26
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If you notice any typos, please let me know. I want these to be 100 percent correct.
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Old 07-13-2017, 12:32 PM   #27
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So has anybody read any of these episodes? If so, what do you think? I'm not getting any feedback or comments, and I want them.
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Old 11-20-2017, 01:32 PM   #28
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I must ask again if anyone has read these stories? I see it's gotten views but of course that doesn't mean the stories have been read. I'm just curious. I'd like to see what people think.
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Old 02-13-2018, 09:07 PM   #29
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The very first episode was released to a few co-workers (in the form of an "issue") five years ago today! Happy birthday, Masked Bagger!

Even though I get the feeling no one even cares. Five years and only a couple people have read these stories (only one person read all forty). Nothing like four years of your life writing a story that no one reads.
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