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Old 03-25-2017, 04:02 PM   #1
TVAdam No More
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Default The Masked Bagger: Season 1 (episodes 1-10)

This is going to be a different kind of fan fiction. It's fan fiction of the grocery store Kroger. These are original stories I wrote between the years 2013 and 2017. I had just intended to share them with friends and co-workers, but decided to put them online as well. I didn't know where, so I decided on Sitcoms Online.

I've written 40 issues (I'll call them episodes on this site), and plan to post them all. But I have to basically re-write each episode to fit into the structure of Sitcoms Online.

Excuse any typos, as I typed this in a hurry.


EPISODE #1. Transfer to 717

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck (31 years-old)
Professor Tincher (45 years-old)
Katie Collins (21 years-old)
Mickey Tork (20 years-old)
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:09 PM   #2
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Guest Starring:
Vince Beckett (47 years-old)
Evil Race of Bird-Men
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:22 PM   #3
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EPISODE #1. Transfer to 717

Originally Released on February 13th, 2013

The Story BeginsÖ

The Masked Bagger is sitting in a gigantic birdís nest, high up in the sky above Kroger 717. He looks defeated. He takes out his camcorder and pushes record.

Masked Bagger: Iím The Masked Bagger. Although I guess by the time youíre watching this video, I *was* The Masked Bagger. I donít see any way out of this situation. I imagine Iíll die up here, but I donít want to die without telling my storyÖ the story of how I became The Masked Bagger. To start off (pause) Iím not from this Earth. Itís been explained to me that there are five different levels of Earth. I merely come from one of them. Incidentally, itís the boring one. You see, it all started when I was outside my Kroger store, sweeping the sidewalk. Suddenly, there was a loud crash. I looked over and noticed a briefcase that wasnít there before. I opened it up. There was a DVD inside.

CUT TO: Adam Hauck is inside his house. He puts the DVD inside the player and sits down. Professor Tincher appears on the screen.

Professor Tincher: If youíre watching thisÖ we need your help. I work for Kroger store 717. Itís um, on a different Earth, so your travel arrangements will be quite unique.

The upcoming dialogue is narrated over scenes of Adam watching the video, packing his things for the move, and hugging his family and friends goodbye. He ends up at Kroger, in the managerís office, and then vanishes.

Masked Bagger Narration: Professor Tincher seemed very convincing. He explained to me that I would be a superhero on this other earth. I was skeptical at first, of course, as any normal human being would be. But, you know, it would be an adventure, and I was longing for adventure in my life. Besides, the supernatural evil has already found its way to four of the five different Earth levels. So by my coming here to fight, I would be protecting my Earth from the dangers that come with it. Anyways, back to the story. I returned to my Kroger store - as instructed - to be transported to this earth level.

CUT TO: Kroger 717 - The Managerís Office. Professor Tincher is standing in the room, looking straight aheadÖ at nothing. Suddenly, Adam Hauck appears out of thin air. The two men look at one another.

Professor Tincher: Adam Hauck, I presume.

Adam Hauck: Professor Tincher, hello.

They shake hands.

Professor Tincher: We have a lot of work to do, so letís go downstairs to the basement of Kroger.

Adam Hauck: You guys have a basement? Neat-o.

Professor Tincher: ďNeat-O.Ē Is that a word the people of your Earth use?

Adam Hauck: Sure. I mean a couple people do, I guess.

They both exit the office.

CUT TO: The basement of Kroger 717. The Professor and his eager student walk down the steps, and end up at a laboratory.

Adam Hauck: I like it. So this is like my Bat-Cave?

Professor Tincher: Yes. Very much so. This is where I spend most of my time. Heck, I reside here. When the employees think Iíve gone home for the night, I actually go down here.

Adam Hauck: I donít live down here, too? Do I?

Professor Tincher: No, no. I own a house across the street. Youíll live there - rent free.

Adam Hauck: Cool. Thanks.

Professor Tincher: Itís nothing.

Adam Hauck: So in the video, you said Iíll be a superhero. Howís that gonna work? What powers am I going to have?

Professor Tincher: Super strength.

Adam Hauck: Awesome! Because Iíve always been kind of a weakling.

Professor Tincher: Coming from the level of Earth you do, you have 17% more strength than the average person in this world. Hence, the super strength.

Adam Hauck: Wait, thatís it?

Professor Tincher: Yep. Donít worry. Iíll train you how to fight, and youíll be equipped with certain gizmos and gadgets to battle the bad guys.

Adam Hauck: Did I come all this way just to be Kroger security?

Professor Tincher: Adam, listen to me. This is the hot spot of evil for this world. Thatís why we have this store. To contain it. The customers are the bait that keeps the evil here.

Adam Hauck: Iím sure theyíd love to know *that*.

Professor Tincher: Thatís why weíre in business. To keep the evil inside this building so it wonít escape, and spread like wildfire, consuming this world. There are a couple of super villains Iíve apprehended and imprisoned down here already, but I just barely survived both times. Thatís when I knew I had to contact someone from your Earth level to be our guardian. The customers are just so sick and tired of dying while shopping here.

Adam Hauck: Then why do they shop here?

Professor Tincher: We have some really great sales.

CUT TO: Moments later. The Professor is standing by, waiting for Adam. Adam comes back into the room dressed in full Masked Bagger attire.

Adam Hauck: This is it? Just this little mask over my eyes?

Professor Tincher: Thatís it. Pretty cool, huh?

Adam Hauck: My name is The Masked Bagger. I only bag as Adam, so The Masked Bagger isnít even a bagger, and this is a dinky mask. If itís in the name, shouldnít the mask be more prominent?

Professor Tincher: Adam, please. You donít want some big mask thatíll get you all sweaty. Itís much better this way.

Adam Hauck: But wonít everyone know itís me?

Professor Tincher: You know how in comic books on your world, no one ever knows that Batman is Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker is Spider-Man, Dick Grayson is Robin, and most of all, no one knows that Clark Kent is Superman? All he does is TAKE OFF HIS GLASSES! People are quite clueless in the comics.

Adam Hauck: Sure, but those are comic books - stories of fiction.

Professor Tincher: The people of this world have the same mentality as the people in comic books on your world. Trust me. No one will know youíre The Masked Bagger unless you tell them.

Adam Hauck: So people in this world are all some percentage dumber than the people of my world?

Professor Tincher: In certain aspects yes. You and I are quite possibly the smartest people here.

Adam Hauck: Well see, now thatís just scary.

CUT TO: The front end of the store. Professor Tincher - known to the employees as ďMr. Tincher,Ē the store manager - introduces Adam (who is now wearing his regular Kroger clothes) to the two other baggers: Mickey Tork and Katie Collins.

Professor Tincher: Mickey, Katie, this is our newest bagger, Adam Hauck. Mickey, Iíd like you to train him.

Mickey Tork: Sure thing, Mr. Tincher.

Tincher leaves.

Mickey Tork: So, Adam, how old are you?

Adam Hauck: Iím 31.

Katie Collins: And youíre a bagger? Shouldnít you be a cashier, or work in another departmentÖ something? I mean DANG! Youíre old for a bagger.

Adam Hauck: No, Iím content with this.

Adam notices how stunning Katie is. Heís instantly fallen for her. Which explains why he has trouble looking in her direction, and why he mainly focuses on Mickey. Heís shy.

Adam Hauck: So are you ready to train me?

Mickey Tork: Yes, but donít get pushy. I was about to take my break, so I think Iíll do that first. Just stay by Katieís side, and sheíll show you the ropes until I get back in twenty.

Adam Hauck: Arenít breaks *fifteen* minutes?

He smiles at Katie as if by saying that, heís impressing her. Sheís not.

Mickey Tork: Are you a spy?

Adam Hauck: Huh?

Mickey Tork: Did Mr. Tincher hire you to spy on the baggers?

Adam Hauck: No.

Mickey Tork: Okay. Good. Then like I say, Iíll be back in twenty.

Mickey walks away. Adam turns to Katie. She smiles at him. Itís just a friendly smile, but it melts his heart.

Katie Collins: So Imma Ďbout to go outside and do carts. You can come with.

Adam Hauck: Oh, okay.

Adam stands there smiling at her nervously. Sheís weirded out by it.

Katie Collins: Imma need you to stop smiling like a jackass, and get yo butt outside.

Adam Hauck: You talk like youíre from the streets. Thatís so cute.

Katie Collins: Youíre a weirdo.

CUT TO: Mickey is walking Adam around the store.

Mickey Tork: Listen, Iím sorry if I was kind of rude before. I just get grouchy when Iím hungry, and my break was already so late.

Adam Hauck: Itís okay. So, Mickey, what do you think about Katie Collins?

Mickey Tork: I love her. Sheís a buddy of mine.

Adam Hauck: Just a ďbuddyĒ?

Mickey Tork: Yep. Thatís all. I guess the real question isÖ what do *you* think about Katie Collins?

Adam Hauck: Sheís cute, and seems to be really nice. Does she have a boyfriend?

Mickey Tork: Not at the moment, but I think thereís a guy sheís talking to.

Adam Hauck: Oh, well. I guess I should wait and see if Iím gonna stay here before I start to pursue her.

Mickey Tork: Why wouldnít you stay here at the store?

Adam Hauck: ďThe storeĒ? Yeah, thatís what I meant. Stay hereÖ at the store.

Mickey Tork: Dude, are you suicidal?

Adam Hauck: Uh, no. I thought I was, but then I kept *not* killing myself, so I donít think I could be considered suicidal.

Mickey Tork: Then what are you talking about?

Adam Hauck: Nothing. Now on with the training.

Mickey Tork: Okay, but if I spend today training you and then you just up and kill yourself tomorrow, Iím gonna be ticked. Day wasted.

Adam Hauck: Gotcha. I wonít kill myself - just for you.

Mickey Tork: Thank you. Now on with the training.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is in his lab. Suddenly, an alarm goes off.

Professor Tincher: Uh-oh. The birds are loose!

CUT TO: Adam and Mickey in the produce department doing a price check. Vince Beckett is standing by the pineapples.

Mickey Tork: Watch out for this guy, Adam. His name is Vince Beckett. Heís the produce head. Heís a tool.

The two baggers approach Beckett.

Mickey Tork: Hey Vince, how much are the pineapples?

Vince Beckett: Who wants to know?

Mickey Tork: A customer. She claims theyíre buy one get one free, but they donít ring up that way.

Vince Beckett: Then, Mr. Tork, the customer is wrong. If you donít believe that, then youíre saying I donít know how to do my job and put the correct price in the computer. I know you wouldnít dare say that, would you?

Mickey Tork: Um, no?

Vince Beckett: Very good.

Vince looks at Adam.

Vince Beckett: Hello, Iím Vince Beckett.

Adam Hauck: Adam Hauck. Iím new.

Vince Beckett: Seeing as Iíve been here seventeen years, and this is the first Iíve seen of you, I assumed you were new. You just wasted your voice by telling me that.

Adam Hauck: (loudly) Wow, youíre right Mickey. This guy IS a tool!

Mickey Tork: (nervous) Adam!

Vince Beckett: Why you littleÖ

Suddenly - and interrupting Vince - gasps and screams from throughout the store are heard in the produce. Adam turns around and sees panicky people. He runs over to the baggerís closet - where his Masked Bagger outfit is - and changes into the identity of the superhero where heís about to go to action for the first time! People in the store look at the masked figure standing in front of the baggerís closet. Theyíre amazed, even though they donít know who he is.

Masked Bagger: Donít panic people of the store. I am The Masked Bagger, Guardian of Kroger 717! Iíll protect you!

Suddenly a giant bird-man flies over to The Masked Bagger, and lands in front of him. Adam has a massive fear of birds, so seeing one as big as himself is naturally terrifying to him.

Masked Bagger: Gotta go!

Masked Bagger runs away as fast as he can, headed for the basement. Not exactly the debut he wanted, but once again, Adam lets fear control his actions.

CUT TO: The basement. Professore Tincher is down there, watching the store on a monitor. Heís expecting Adam. Adam - still in his Masked Bagger outfit - arrives.

Masked Bagger: You didnít say anything about giant birds!

Professor Tincher: Bird phobia, eh?

Masked Bagger: Yes. Big time.

Professor Tincher: Face your fears. You have a job to do.

Masked Bagger: I canít fight giant birds.

Professor Tincher: They are very easy to defeat. Just one punch and theyíre dead.

Masked Bagger: Thatís it? One punch?

Professor Tincher: Yes. Theyíre more of a nuisance than a threat. They have a giant nest up above the store. So every now and then they make their way inside and scare the customers.

Masked Bagger: So I punch them and suddenly thereís a bunch of dead bird bodies all over the place? That thought creeps me out, too.

Professor Tincher: No. Once they die, they vanish. Itís just that most people are so frightened of them, they donít think to punch the birds. Itís not like we can have a sign on the door telling people to just punch the giant bird-men attacking them. Plus PETA is highly against even this conversation.

Masked Bagger: Tell me more about supernatural evil.

Professor Tincher: Supernatural evil comes in the form of ďfreak accidentsĒ that turn regular people into super villains. Thereís this legend of a Kroger Devil that causes these accidents. Now, I donít know the complete origin of these birds, but they are all part of its evil plan. So what do you say? Get back to work?

Masked Bagger: I quit. You can send me home, right?

Professor Tincher: (sighs) I can, if thatís what you really want.

Masked Bagger: I canít do this. Iím too scared. You donít know this but I have a lot of fears. Plus Iím lazy. I have no motivation for anything. Thatís always been the case. I was hoping it would be different with this, but I just donít have the motivation I thought I would.

Professor Tincher: Iíll bet if your ďUncle BenĒ was murdered, youíd find the motivation to fight crime!

Masked Bagger: Hey, donít use my love of superhero origin stories to get me to stay!

Professor Tincher: Come on, Adam. The store needs you.

Masked Bagger: The store needs something a whole lot bigger than me.

They both pause for a moment.

Masked Bagger: Iím sorry. Iím just used to setting up jokes where someone hits me with a punch line like ďThere IS nothing bigger than you, fatty!Ē Iím outta here.

Adam begins to walk away.

Professor Tincher: If you walk, there is zero hope for this store. There is zero hope for Katie Collins!

Adam stops and turns around. He walks back to the Professor.

Professor Tincher: Yeah, I know you have a crush on her.

Masked Bagger: What can I do? Iím just a coward from another world.

Professor Tincher: If thatís all you were, you wouldnít be here in the first place. You were chosen for this store for a reason.

Masked Bagger: And whatís the reason?

Professor Tincher: Um, well, the reason is to show how any random person can be a superhero with the proper training. I had a list of all the Kroger employees on your world, closed my eyes, and pointed to a name. I picked you.

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) Well Iím certainly flattered.

Professor Tincher: You should be.

Masked Bagger: (sighs) I guess I have to try harder before I give up - this time. I always give up too easily. Thatís why I never did anything with my life. My childhood dream was to be a superhero, and Iím talking about walking away from it. If I give up on this, thereís no hope for me at all.

Professor Tincher: (jokingly) Good. Make this all about YOU. Selfish.

Masked Bagger: Right, well anyways, Iím back in. Letís do this. Some men fight their inner demons. I fightÖ giant bird-men. Somehow, I prefer the inner demons.

Professor Tincher: Alright. ďThe Masked BaggerĒÖ take two!

CUT TO: The Masked Bagger is walking from the managerís office - where the basement lab is underneath - headed for the front end of the store. There are plenty of the bird-men walking around the store. Some are even flying. The Masked Bagger approaches a bird-man.

Masked Bagger: Letís see if the Professor was right.

Masked Bagger punches the evil bird-man in the face. It falls to the floor, and a couple seconds later, vanishes.

Masked Bagger: (he smiles) Son of a bleep. It works.

As The Masked Bagger makes his way to the front end, he punches a few more bird-men, killing them. One bird-man flies over him. As it does so, Masked Bagger jumps up and grabs both wings with each hand, then swings his arms down in front of him, causing the bird-man to hit the floor, head first. A couple seconds pass and it vanishes. Remember, these arenít normal, everyday birds. These are evil creatures. So donít feel sorry for them. Anyway, The Masked Bagger makes it to the front end of the store, and sees six bird-men surrounding Katie. She looks terrified. Masked Bagger approaches. He notices two 2-liters of Big K pop on a register, and gets an idea. He grabs both of the 2-liters.

Masked Bagger: Hey feathered freaks! Why donít you peck on me? (he smiles) Get it? Itís like ďpick on meĒ but because youíre birds, I changed it to ďpeck on me.Ē Iím funny.

No one laughs.

Masked Bagger: Okay, note to selfÖ you wonít be a superhero that makes witty remarks.

All six bird-men walk over to Masked Bagger. They surround him: two in front of him, facing him; two behind him, and one bird-man on each side. Masked Bagger throws the pop bottle from his left hand up in the air, followed quickly by the one in his right. As he aims to punch the two bird-men in front of him, his elbows bash into the two bird-men behind him, causing them to fall over and vanish. His fists move forward at a fast pace as he punches the two in front of him. They also fall back and perish. Masked Bagger grabs the bird-man on his left by its shirt, and pulls it close by, where the Big K pop bottle lands on its head, killing it. He then grabs the last bird-man - on his right - and pulls him closer, where the other pop bottle falls and hits it on the head as well, causing its death. All six evil creatures have perished. Katie walks over to the superhero.

Masked Bagger: Youíre safe now, Katie.

Katie Collins: How do you know my name? Who are you?

The Masked Bagger looks down for her name tag, so he can say ďYour name tag says Katie.Ē However, sheís not wearing one.

Masked Bagger: Uh, IÖ

Just then, one of the giant birds swoops down and grabs Masked Bagger, and flies away with him. The bird-man flies outside of the building and drops Masked Bagger in a giant bird nest, high above the Kroger store.

Bird-Man#1: Stay here. When I return with my posse, we will KILL you!

The bird-man flies away.

Masked Bagger: These birds can talk!?! It just got real all up in here!

CUT TO: Back to The Masked Bagger making his farewell video.

Masked Bagger: And here I am. Just waiting to die. Itís funny how I can save others but not myself. Itís also funny how easily I give up. People of Kroger 717 need me and here I am sitting in a birdís nest, defeated and feeling sorry for myself.

Masked Bagger looks down. Itís a long way down.

Masked Bagger: Either I die up here when the birds come back or I try to get down there and maybe I survive to protect the people of 717 from the evil that is sure to be headed their way. Itís a no-brainer. Thatís got a double meaning too, because if I fall, my brain will be laying next to whatís left of my body, and so Iíll have no brain. Hence the term ďno-brainer.Ē Yep, now Iím just stalling. Enough splattered-brain talk. Time to save the day!

Masked Bagger pushes the stop button on his camcorder, and puts it in his pocket. He takes his orange cart strap and hooks it to a secure part of the nest. He takes a deep breath and then jumps off the nest, holding onto the strap (obviously). He swings down to underneath the nest and grabs onto the pole, which the nest is sitting on. Masked Bagger yanks on the cart strap, and it lets go of the nest. He wraps it back around himself and slides down the pole. Itís a long way down but itís the only option he has at the moment. After a couple minutes of sliding, The Masked Bagger finally makes it to the ground. The pole is right behind the Kroger building, so Masked Bagger runs around to the front of the outside of the store. There are bird-men out there, walking around and terrorizing people. The Masked Bagger gets his cart strap and swings it in the air a few times before aiming at a bird-man and landing a blow with it, causing it to fall over dead. Masked Bagger does that to a couple more bird-men, swinging the cart strap around and hitting them with it. He puts it away, and as if possessed by a Power Ranger, he punches and kicks these bird freaks on his way back into the store. There are still plenty of bird-men inside. The Masked Bagger decides to return to the basement. Not because heís scared, but rather to see if the Professor has a plan.

CUT TO: The Masked Bagger enters the basement. Professor Tincher sees him.

Professor Tincher: Adam! Youíre alive!

Masked Bagger: Donít sound so surprised, Prof.

Professor Tincher: Iím sorry. Iím just happy.

Masked Bagger: So do you have any ideas? Iíve taken a bunch of these bird freaks out, but thereís still a lot more.

Professor Tincher: I have an idea. Itís time I introduce you to the Bagger-Mobile. Itís a cleaning cart that Iíve turned into a vehicle.

Masked Bagger: And this job just gets cooler as it goes along.

CUT TO: Katie is still on the front end. She looks over, towards the managerís office, and sees Masked Bagger, driving the Bagger-Mobile, headed in her direction.

Katie Collins: Look everyone! Itís The Masked Bagger! Heís coming back! And he be driviní!

Suddenly an applause fills the store as all the people clap at the return of their protector. The Bagger-Mobile continues to drive, until the masked hero stops by one of the birds, who is taunting a female customer.

Masked Bagger: Yippie-Ki-Yay, Mother-Feather!

Masked Bagger pushes a button and a giant Kroger bag is ejected from the vehicle. It covers the bird-man as if it was a large body bag, from head to claw. The hero then pulls a lever and a large toilet paper roll shoots out at such a fast speed that when it hits the bagged bird-man, it kills it. The bag drops to the floor. Itís occupant - dead and vanished. Masked Bagger continues driving. He drives around the whole store, ridding the building of these evil bird-men. In one case, a bird-man is flying by, and Masked Bagger ejects another large Kroger bag, capturing it in mid-air. This time, the bag stays attached to the vehicle and at our heroís command, it starts to spin around. After a few speeding twirls, the bag separates from the Bagger-Mobile, sending the bird at a high speed into a wall, killing it on impact. The Masked Bagger gets to the bakery and looks down through the meat department, all the way to dairy. Bird-men are lined up, angry and waiting to take on the masked hero.

Masked Bagger: This better work.

Masked Bagger begins to speed towards the bird-men. He pushes a button in the vehicle, and a big metal shield covers the front of the Bagger-Mobile. He plows into these creatures, causing them to bounce off the metal shield and die. Masked Bagger has made it to the dairy and spins the vehicle around. He looks ahead at where all those bird-men were, and some are still alive. They avoided certain death somehow. The shield goes back down, and Masked Bagger steps on the gas, headed in their direction. This time he speeds by them shooting out enough Kroger bags to capture each of them. They canít fly inside the bags, so they just lay on the floor, wriggling around. Masked Bagger stops his vehicle at the bakery department and gets out. He walks towards the evil bagged creatures and kicks each of them, instantly killing them. Once heís finished, The Masked Bagger walks back to the Bagger-Mobile and drives off, looking for more. Once he gets to the front end, he realizes that theyíre all gone. At least for now. He gets out of the car to a crowd, who again, applaud their hero.

Masked Bagger: Thank you. Seriously, thanks, everyone. Strange, evil things will occur in this store, like they have for a while now. But donít worry. Iím here to protect you all. To the customers: continue to shop here. We have great prices, and I never get a day off, so Iíll always be here for you. To the employees: Keep up the great work. Together, we can make this one of the best grocery stores out there. If any of you ever need me, well, Iíll be around. And please only contact me with the intercom in case of emergency.

He gets back into his vehicle and speeds off, headed for a secret entrance in the photo lab. A couple minutes later, Mickey walks over and spots Katie. He runs up to her.

Mickey Tork: Katie!

Katie Collins: Mickey!

They hug. Adam - in his regular Kroger clothes - walks over and sees the two baggers hugging. Heís jealous that Mickey gets to hug Katie, and decides to go for a hug himself.

Adam Hauck: Katie!

Adam hugs her, but she doesnít hug back. Her arms are down at her sides.

Katie Collins: Where have you been, Adam? Once the store turned to chaos, I didnít see you.

Adam Hauck: I, uh, hid in the photo lab. I was scared.

Katie Collins: I figured you were a coward. Looks like Iím right.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, well, itís been a heck of a first day.

Katie Collins: Yeah, Puddiní. I guess it has been.

Adam smiles at Katie calling him ďPuddiníĒ but figures it doesnít mean anything.

Adam Hauck: Letís get back to bagging. Surprising as it is, after such an event, there are already customers in line to pay for their groceries.

Mickey Tork: Haha, yeah. Some have been there the whole time.

Adam Hauck: Kroger customers are the most fearless people out there. Their lives are in danger, but that wonít stop them from buying the cereal they came in for.

Katie Collins: Or the pack of cigarettes.

Mickey Tork: They gotta have their Tastykakes, too.

Adam, Katie and Mickey all look at each other and start to laugh. Then the three baggers each go to a different register and bag for the customers.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher and Adam Hauck are in the basement lab.

Professor Tincher: You did it, Adam. How does it feel?

Adam Hauck: It feels great. I didnít give up this time and I actually made a difference. I helped people. My fear of birds hasnít gone away. In fact, itís bigger than it was before, but at least I know Iím capable of fighting them when I need to. I think Iíll do fine in my new job.

Professor Tincher: Itís gonna be a long battle to rid this store of evil villains, but thereís no one else Iíd rather have wearing that mask than you. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Adam Hauck: Yep. The only downside to all of this is that when Iím not fighting crime, I have to actually bag.

Professor Tincher: Oh hush, and enjoy your first victory asÖ The Masked Bagger!


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-09-2017 at 11:55 AM.
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:24 PM   #4
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Additional pictures shows the Bagger-Mobile and another bird-man.
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Old 03-26-2017, 12:42 PM   #5
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EPISODE #2. The Pineapple-Man Cometh

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Pineapple-Man alias Vince Beckett
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Old 03-26-2017, 12:48 PM   #6
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EPISODE #2. The Pineapple-Man Cometh

Originally Released On March 9th, 2013

Our Story Begins...

Itís a rainy Monday morning. Adam and Katie are at the registers, bagging. Mickey walks up to them.

Mickey Tork: Well Iím Employee of the Month again. Itís pretty exciting.

Katie Collins: Congrats.

Adam Hauck: Thatís great, Mick. Although, youíd kind of think Masked Bagger would be Employee of the Month. I mean he did save the store from those insanely giant birds.

Mickey Tork: Yeah. Yeah, he did. However, weíve had those birds in the store before. They are a problem, yes, but they would have left on their own eventually.

Adam Hauck: I donít know. From what I sawÖ

Katie interrupts.

Katie Collins: You didnít see anything. You were in the photo lab, hiding like a little baby.

Adam Hauck: (sarcastically) Yeah, thatís exactly what babies do. They hide. You got me. Iím a big baby.

Mickey Tork: Look, Masked Bagger is a great addition to the store, but Iíve been here three years. Heís been here half a month. Itíll be his turn one day.

Adam Hauck: Maybe *Iíll* even have a turn to be Employee of the Month.

Katie and Mickey both snicker.

Katie Collins: Pretty sure you have to do some actual work to get that. Youíre always wandering around the store when you should be up here bagging.

Adam Hauck: I have important business elsewhere.

Mickey Tork: Like cleaning the photo lab, so in case of another bird attack, youíll already be in your hiding place?

Mickey and Katie both laugh. Adam wants to speak up about where he goes, but thatís Masked Bagger related, and he has to keep it a secret.

CUT TO: Vince Beckett is outside about to throw away fruit remains into the compost. Heís angry and talking to himself.

Vince Beckett: How dare Tincher force me to work today? I am Vince Beckett, and I had plans. He has no right to make me work. Something needs to be done about that maroon.

Vince sees a ladder standing in front of the compost, and steps up on it. He lifts the lid and looks down, noticing the fruit and vegetable remains are starting to boil. Vince is fascinated and a little frightened. Within a few seconds, they all melt into liquid form.

Vince Beckett: Hmm, thatís peculiar.

Ignoring the strange happenings, Vince reaches down and picks up the trash can with the leftover fruit and veggies, and watches them melt. A weird feeling comes over Vince. Suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes the ladder, causing Vince to fall forward - right into the compost. He makes a splash, stays under for only a few seconds, burns, and quickly crawls out. He drops to the ground and lays there in agony. His flesh is starting to mutate.

Vince Beckett: (quietly) HelpÖ me.

CUT TO: Later in the day. Adam is depressed and bagging for a customer.

Customer #1: I have my own bags.

Adam Hauck: I wasnít going to say it, but you DOÖ right under your eyes.

CUT TO: Adam is bagging for a different customer. Heís almost finished bagging the order in plastic bags. The customer looks down at him and saysÖ

Customer #2: I want them bagged in paper sacks!

Adam Hauck: And I want a girlfriend. We donít always get what we want. However, had you said paper sacks before I started bagging, you might have gotten them.

CUT TO: Adam is bagging for a different customer.

Customer #3: Oh, I brought my own bags.

Adam Hauck: You are aware that we provide bags for you, right? You donít need to bring your own. Itís like if I joined the military and was about to be given weapons, and said ďNo thanks. I brought my own guns.Ē They wouldnít be too happy with that. Or if I go out to a restaurant and a waiter comes over and asks me what I want, and I say ďIím good. I brought my own food.Ē Then I whip out a pizza and start eating it. No.

CUT TO: Adam is sitting in the managerís office with Professor Tincher - who besides being Masked Baggerís mentor, is the store manager.

Professor Tincher: Adam, I donít know. As a superhero, youíre doing a great job. You faced your fears and battled big birds and saved the day. As a bagger, howeverÖ

Adam Hauck: I was a bagger for a really long time at my old store. Iím just tired. Plus, I donít see why I have to bag at all. Shouldnít I focus all my energy on fighting crime and saving lives?

Professor Tincher: Have you even read a single comic book at all?

Adam Hauck: Yes, and thatís back when it made me an outcast. Now itís ďthe cool thing to do.Ē Whatís your point?

Professor Tincher: Superheroes lead double lives. They have secret identities to protect the loved ones around them. Also, theyíre vigilantes, so they donít want the police to know where they live.

Adam Hauck: Okay, look. Iím not gonna lie. I want to impress Katie. I canít do that when I have to pretend to be scared so she doesnít suspect who I really am.

Professor Tincher: Iím sorry about that. Honestly, though, I donít see how youíd even have time for a relationship. Youíre on call 24/7. You get in a relationship with her and then when I need you, youíll ignore me because youíll both be at The Mall, and sheíll need you to walk next to her, carrying her purse, and repeatedly telling her how beautiful she is. (raising his voice) Your first responsibility is to this store as The Masked Bagger!

Adam Hauck: Calm down, Professor. Besides, Katie doesnít seem to be into me, so you donít have anything to worry about.

Professor Tincher: Iím sorry. Now letís get back to why youíre in here - for being rude to customers. *You* know I wonít fire you because of your other persona, but just think of how it looks to other people when youíre making wise-cracks and insulting customers and I donít do anything about it. You must act as though you are one of them, able to lose your job at any time.

Adam Hauck: Fine. I get it. Though it wonít be as much fun. Oh, by the way, why is Mickey Tork Employee of the Month? Shouldnít it be Masked Bagger?

Professor Tincher: I agree with you. However, I donít pick the employee. Our Inclusion Team does. Mickey, though, does excellent work, and if he keeps it up, one day heíll be sitting in this chair - or a chair like it - but still in this office.

Adam Hauck: Uh-huh. Maybe if we fake an attack on the Inclusion Team and Masked Bagger ďrescuesĒ them? That way they would be more willing to vote for him.

Professor Tincher: No.

CUT TO: Vince Beckett is sitting in the produce cooler with the lights out. The fruits and vegetables in the room are all slightly rumbling.

Vince Beckett: (calmly) Iím a freak now, and it is all Tincherís fault. I told him I needed the day off, but he made me work. He will soon learn what a mistake that was.

CUT TO: A few minutes later. Katie walks into the produce back room. It appears to be empty. Little does she know Beckett is in the cooler, hatching a plan to destroy Tincher.

Katie Collins: Hello. Anyone in here? Iím doing a price check.

Katie notices a watermelon sitting on the counter start to slowly wobble. It goes faster and faster, and then rolls off the counter, and lands on the floor - SPLAT!

Katie Collins: Thatís weird.

Suddenly an orange flies past her from one end of the room to the next. She watches, frightened, as a peach also flies past her. Then an apple flies by and actually hits her on the arm. It stings. Katie runs away and makes it to the front office where she grabs the phone to make a page on the intercom.

CUT TO: Adam and Tincher are still in the managerís office. They hear Katie on the intercom.

Katie Collins: (voice-over) Masked Bagger! Masked Bagger is needed in produce. Hurry up!

Adam Hauck: Thatís Katie! She needs me!

Professor Tincher: She needs The Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: Uh, spoiler alert. I *am* The Masked Bagger!

Professor Tincher: Okay, you missed the point. Just go.

Adam Hauck: Good call. Itís morphiní time!

Adam stands there, in morphing position. Tincher is concerned.

Professor Tincher: You realize you canít just morph? You have to actually put on the costume yourself.

Adam Hauck: Right. Well, it would be quicker, though, if I had morphing abilities. Something to think about, Professor.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger walks around produce, but doesnít see anything alarming. He then goes over to the back room, opens the door and walks inside. Behind him - the produce cooler. In front of him - a row of fifty limes, floating in the air, level to his face.

Masked Bagger: Um, hello.

Suddenly the first lime is hurled at Masked Baggerís face and hits him.

Masked Bagger: Ouch! Hey, whatís going on?

Another lime throws itself at our hero and another and another. They move at a fast pace. A few hit him but The Masked Bagger decides to dodge the rest. He feels stupid that he didnít think to dodge sooner. Suddenly, Beckett steps out of the produce cooler. However, heís not recognizable as Vince Beckett. Thatís because heís not Vince Beckett anymore. He is nowÖ The Pineapple-Man! Masked Bagger turns around and is face to face with his very first super-villain.

Pineapple-Man: My, my. If it isnít the superhero of Kroger. Whatís your name again?

Masked Bagger: Masked BaggerÖ but you knew that.

Pineapple-Man: Indeed, I did. Would you like to know my name?

Masked Bagger: Fruit freak?

Pineapple-Man: That is what I am. That is not my name. I am The Pineapple-Man, and you will find me to be your worst nightmare.

Masked Bagger: You know, once Vince Beckett returns and finds you in his produce department, heís gonna be *your* worst nightmare.

Pineapple-Man: You fool. Beckett is dead.

Masked Bagger: What?

Pineapple-Man: There was an accident at the compost and from his ashes, I was born. I am The Pineapple-Man!

Masked Bagger: I already know your name.

Pineapple-Man: Yes, but it felt like a better moment to reveal it than before. I was hoping you had forgotten I said it earlier.

Masked Bagger: I hadnít.

Pineapple-Man: By the way, pineapples are buy oneÖ

Pineapple-Man raises his right arm, and using his telekinesis on fruit, hurls a pineapple at Masked Bagger. It hits his chest.

Pineapple-Man: ÖGet one free!

That pariah from produce raises his left arm and once again, using telekinesis, throws a pineapple at The Masked Bagger, hitting him in the face. He falls back and lands on his butt.

Masked Bagger: Ouch! Whatís your problem?

Pineapple-Man: Iím standing here talking to you when I have something else I need to do. Be gone, Bagger. Iím sure weíll finish this up at a later time.

Masked Bagger stands up.

Masked Bagger: Iím going, but not because you told me to, but rather because my nose is starting to bleed and I need to get a tissue.

Masked Bagger leaves the produce back room.

CUT TO: In the basement laboratory. Masked Bagger and Professor Tincher are discussing what happened.

Professor Tincher: And you walked away?

Masked Bagger: I had to.

Professor Tincher: What, did he sprout wings and a beak?

Masked Bagger: No, smarty. He just has this way about him. I felt like it was just best to leave and come back laterÖ like after my nose stopped bleeding.

Professor Tincher: Needless to say, Iím disappointed, Adam! Beckett is now a super villain. You have to take him down, not walk away from him.

Masked Bagger: Fine. Iíll go back. Iíll get him. I just hope he doesnít hit me in the face with fruit again.

Professor Tincher: Bring Beckett in alive. Weíll incarcerate him down here.

Masked Bagger: Why? I mean, heís evil.

Professor Tincher: Iím working to rehabilitate all the super villains. They were - at one time - regular people. If thereís a chance we can return them to their previous selves, then as decent human beings, we must try.

Masked Bagger: Okay, I get it.

Masked Bagger turns around and starts to walk away.

Professor Tincher: (smiles) Oh, and donít embarrass yourself this time. Make me proud I chose you to defend our store.

Masked Bagger: (still walking away) Eh, whatever happens, happens.

CUT TO: The front end. Katie and Mickey are bagging. Masked Bagger walks past them on his way to the produce.

Mickey Tork: (to Katie) Hey, itís The Masked Bagger!

Katie Collins: Somethingís about to go down and look whoís not hereÖ Adam. Heís probably hiding scared again.

Angry that Katie is badmouthing Adam, Masked Bagger stops and turns around.

Masked Bagger: Katie, Adam is on his break upstairs. He has no clue whatís about to happen.

Katie Collins: Whatís about to happen?

Masked Bagger: Iím about to slice a pineapple, so to speak.

Mickey Tork: May as well slice two. Theyíre buy one get one free, you know?

Masked Bagger: (he winces) I know.

The hero of 717 turns around and continues walking to produce where Pineapple-Man is out in the open. The customers walk by, thinking heís a mascot or something. They havenít a clue heís evil. The Masked Bagger comes up to him and stops.

Masked Bagger: Iím back and this time youíre coming with me.

Pineapple-Man: You amuse me, Bagger, because I most certainly am not going with you.

Masked Bagger: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I must warn you, though, that I have a cart strap and Iím NOT afraid to use it.

Pineapple-Man: I have telekinesis over produce. I win.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, well, whatever. Can we just hurry this up? Iím hungry. Itís pizza time.

Pineapple-Man: Iím a little hungry myself. Though I prefer pineapples.

Masked Bagger: Ugh, isnít that cannibalism?

Pineapple-Man: Letís end this now.

Suddenly thereís a rumbling as all fruits and vegetables from the refrigerated case along the walls start to shake. They are all lifted from the shelving and are floating in mid-air. This includes packaged fruits and bottled beverages. Pineapple-Man has his arms in the air and as he moves them forward, hundreds of the different fruits and vegetables act as a tidal wave, heading towards Masked Bagger. He turns around to run off.

Masked Bagger: Mama said thereíd be days like this!

He starts to run and decides to warn the others.

Masked Bagger: Stampede! Everybody Out!

Seeing the oncoming fruits and veggies, all of the customers from up front clear the area. Katie and Mickey, however, decided to hide out in the front office. The produce continues to be hurled at our hero, the majority of it is on the floor, rolling towards him.

Masked Bagger: And everybody told me my daily cheeseburgers were gonna kill me. But *this* is how I go outÖ a fruit stampede! Okay, one-liners are only fun if someone hears me saying them.

The 717 Guardian runs over, gets on a register and stands there, while fruits and veggies storm past him on the floor, like a raging sea. A head of lettuce flies up and hits him on the stomach.

Masked Bagger: I never *was* good at dodge ball. Dang it, I canít stop the one-liners. At least theyíre not corny like in ďBatman & Robin.Ē These are more organic. Okay, ďcornyĒ and ďorganicĒ both have to do with produce. Just an observation.

In all the chaos, Masked Bagger doesnít realize Pineapple-Man has walked away - headed for the managerís office. Once heís at a far enough distance, all of it suddenly stops. His telekinetic powers only work at a close range. After things have calmed down, Masked Bagger looks over at the front office and spots Katie and Mickey.

Masked Bagger: Are you two okay?

Mickey Tork: Yeah. Are you gonna protect us?

Masked Bagger: Thatís the plan.

Katie Collins: By the way, we heard what you said up there. Do you always talk to yourself?

Masked Bagger: Only when I think Iím alone.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is in his office. Pineapple-Man walks into the room and sneaks a floating watermelon past Tincher. It hovers over the Professorís head, though he is unaware of it.

Pineapple-Man: Weíve worked together a long time, Stan. Too long.

Professor Tincher: Vince! I heard about your transformation. Maybe thereís something we can do to get you back to the way you were.

Pineapple-Man: If I was back to the way I was, then I wouldnít be able to do thisÖ

The watermelon over the Professor drops. It hits Tincher on the head and knocks him out.

CUT TO: Adam walks into the basement lab. Itís empty. Adam starts to talk, thinking Tincherís in there, somewhere.

Adam Hauck: Professor, I started to fight him but he snuck off. Professor? Hmm, he must be in the office.

CUT TO: Adam walks into the managerís office. Itís also empty, but he notices the watermelon on the floor. This worries him.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is tied up, sitting on a chair in a secret side room of the produce cooler. Pineapple-Man is there.

Professor Tincher: What are you gonna do?

Pineapple-Man: I have been working on my technique. Iíve been getting better. I have control over any fruit and vegetable around me. I can throw an onion at your chest so fast that it will stop your heart from beating, resulting in your death.

Professor Tincher: What is this about, Beckett?

Pineapple-Man: Beckett? You killed him. I am here to avenge him.

Professor Tincher: I didnít kill him.

Pineapple-Man: He needed the day off. YOU made him work. Had Beckett not been here, he wouldnít have had the ďaccidentĒ that caused him to turn into the freak I am now. The funny thing is, I like who I am now better. I still have to kill you, though. Itís all a part of the new persona.

Professor Tincher: Needless to say, Beckett, youíre fired.

Pineapple-Man hurls an onion at Tincherís chest. It hurts but bounces off and lands on the floor. Tincher is still alive.

Pineapple-Man: Haha. Itís not time to die yet.

CUT TO: Katie is in the break room, texting. Adam enters.

Adam Hauck: Katie! Have you seen Profes, er, uh, Mister Tincher?

Katie ignores him. She is, after all, in the middle of a text.

Adam Hauck: Kind of important.

Katie Collins: Wait a second.

She finishes her text and looks up at Adam.

Katie Collins: Okay, what?

Adam Hauck: (sighs) Have you seen Mister Tincher?

Katie Collins: No.

Adam Hauck: Thatís it? Just ďnoĒ?

Katie Collins: Imma need you to take your attitude out of this room.

Adam Hauck: Iím afraid something has happened to him.

Mickey Tork enters.

Mickey Tork: Whatís up, Adam?

Adam Hauck: Um, the store is being taken over by fruit.

Mickey Tork: (laughs) Now thereís something you donít hear everyday.

Adam Hauck: How are you two even able to take a break right now?

Katie Collins: Itís dead down there. The stampeding fruit ran off all the customers. It probably scared off Tincher, too. Iím proud of you for staying, Puddiní.

Adam blushes, then gets full of himself.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, well. I had to stay to make sure youíre okay.

Mickey and Katie both laugh at Adam for being a dork.

Adam Hauck: (he groans) Gotta go.

CUT TO: Adam is back in the basement lab, sitting at Tincherís desk, wondering what to do.

Adam Hauck: If I did my job right the first time, this never would have happened. Tincherís life is in danger because Iím a screw up. I donít know what to do. How am I gonna find him? I wish there was some way I could have monitored everyone in the store, and play back the footage. Then I could track him down.

It sinks in.

Adam Hauck: The monitors! Iíll watch the monitors and see what happened.

Adam turns to his right, where a monitor is sitting on a desk. He looks at the screen and searches for footage of Pineapple-Man and Professor Tincher. After a few minutes, he finds it. He spots Pineapple-Man - whoís carrying the Professor - all the way to produce. Adam suits up, once again wearing his Masked Bagger outfit. He looks over and sees a holster with a spray bottle and what looks like a gun.

Masked Bagger: Hold on, Professor. Iím coming!

He puts the holster on and runs upstairs.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is searching in the produce back room but doesnít see them anywhere. He enters the cooler but itís empty. Looking more closely, our hero spots a tiny knob on the wall. He takes a chance and pulls it. Just as he suspected! Itís a doorway, leading to another room.

CUT TO: Pineapple-Man is still messing with Tincher.

Pineapple-Man: Iím doing you a favor by killing you. Iím going to reunite you with your wife and son.

Professor Tincher: My son is still alive.

Pineapple-Man: Missing for six years? How much you wanna bet that heís still alive? Hahaha!

Professor Tincher: Shut up!

Masked Bagger quietly enters, though none of the other occupants of the room know it yet.

Pineapple-Man: If youíre expecting The Masked Bagger to rescue you, expect something else. Because that will not happen.

Masked Bagger: Expect the unexpected, Piney!

Pineapple-Man: No.

Masked Bagger: Yep.

Pineapple-Man: No, I mean ďPineyĒ will not be my nickname. Thatís ridiculous.

Masked Bagger: Thatís why I like it. Iíve gotta put you in your place. Youíre a man, whoís a pineapple. Plus a bully. *Thatís* ridiculous.

Pineapple-Man: Shut it, Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Letís fight.

Masked Bagger takes his spray bottle out of its holster and begins spraying Pineapple-Man in the face. After a few seconds, the pompous pariah blocks it with his hand.

Pineapple-Man: A mere distraction, Bagger.

A cantaloupe bashes into our heroís hand, knocking the spray bottle to the floor. Pineapple-Man gets close to Masked Bagger and punches him in the face. He falls down but gets right back up. Pineapple-Man takes another swing at him. This time, Masked Bagger ducks, missing the villainís intended punch, then with his right hand, takes a swing himself and lands a blow on Pineapple-Manís jaw. The pompous pariah falls back slightly.

Masked Bagger: Punch me once, shame on you. Punch me twiceÖ not gonna happen!

The evil fruit man retaliates with a speeding apple in our heroís direction. Masked Bagger steps out of the way and within seconds, another one flies towards him. He dodges that one as well. He slips a plastic Kroger bag out of his pocket. This time five apples at once are headed for the guardian of 717. Yep, you guessed it. He catches each of them in the bag. Heís out of breath.

Masked Bagger: I need to work out more. This is exhausting!

The magnificent man in the mask gets out his cart strap and attaches the bag of apples to the end of it.

Masked Bagger: Yes, I get it. You can throw fruit without using your hands! Iím impressed. Now why donít youÖ

Catching ďPineyĒ off guard, Masked Bagger reveals his cart strap with the bag of apples at the end of it, and twirls it in the air a few times, as if he was a lassoiní cowboy. He then smacks the pompous pariah in the face with the apples. As Pineapple-Man holds his face, recovering from the pain, Masked Bagger sneaks up behind him and wraps the cart strap around the villainís neck. He pulls it tight, bringing Piney to his knees. Heís gasping for air.

Professor Tincher: Donít kill him!

Masked Bagger: Iím not planning to. I just got in over my head and I have no clue what to do next.

Professor Tincher: Get your bag-gun out of its holster and shoot him with it.

Masked Bagger: Oh, is that what it is? I just thought you were really pushing the Second Amendment.

Masked Bagger takes the bag-gun and aims it at Pineapple-Man. He pulls the trigger and a bag wraps around the villain. Heís been captured. Masked Bagger saved the day again! He goes over to the Professor and unties him.

Professor Tincher: Job well done, Adam!

Masked Bagger: Uh, Mister Tincher, I have an identity to keep secret. You canít call me ďAdamĒ while Iím in my costume.

Professor Tincher: Right. What was I thinking? (smiles) You know, as The Masked Bagger you get to fight and defeat Pineapple-Man. As Adam Hauck, you get to clean up the mess he made throughout the store.

Masked Bagger: Well now Iím wondering if I did the right thing, saving your life.

Adam smiles. They both laugh.

CUT TO: Pineapple-Man is sitting alone in the basement prison cell.

Pineapple-Man: This isnít over, Bagger! I will have my revenge! Next time, I will chop you up and put you in a fruit tray and serve you to customers! Well, that sounds nasty. Maybe I wonít do *that* but I will certainly do something devious.

CUT TO: Adam walks into the laboratory. Professor Tincher is down there, waiting for him.

Adam Hauck: You wanted me, Professor?

Professor Tincher: Yes. I wanted to talk to you about why itís important to keep your identity as The Masked Bagger a secret.

Adam Hauck: Look, itís not important. I was just venting earlier.

Professor Tincher: It *is* important. You see, you arenít the first Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: What?

Professor Tincher: Twenty years ago, someone else used that guise to fight evil inside a Kroger store, but once the secret got out, something grizzly happened.

Adam Hauck: What are you talking about? Who was this other Masked Bagger?

Professor Tincher: Me.

Adam looks shocked.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-12-2017 at 06:29 AM.
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Old 03-27-2017, 03:44 PM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,005

EPISODE #3. Spill Magic Snowfall (Part 1)

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
The Powder [pictured below]
Bernie Boswell (21-years-old) [pictured below]
Attached Images

Last edited by Adamantium; 03-30-2017 at 08:41 AM.
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Old 03-27-2017, 03:48 PM   #8
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,005

EPISODE #3. Spill Magic Snowfall (Part 1)

Originally released on April 2nd, 2013

The Story ContinuesÖ

Adam Hauck: You wanna explain that?

Professor Tincher: This is my home world, but for a while there, I was traveling to all the different levels of Earth. I went to a Kroger that was filled with corruption and evil. I was without super powers. I just knew I had to do something. So I put on a mask and fought crime there. I only carried the title of ďMasked BaggerĒ for a few months. You see, I was in love. A girl named Brooke Montgomery got hired on as a cashier. We became very close. Everyone in the store knew of our love. Of course, they didnít know that I was also the mysterious hero, Masked Bagger. One day, a criminal I was fighting found out my identity. Two days later, well, Brooke was murdered. She was discovered at the front end of the store, hanging from a rope around her neck. She had a mask on her face with the words ďMasked Baggerís WomanĒ written on it. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. Evil had won. Shortly thereafter, I left that Earth, and until recently, I had left the idea of heroes fighting evil behind me.

Adam Hauck: Iím sorry. I donít even know what to say right now.

Professor Tincher: Donít say anything. Just keep your identity a secret. Not for all those comics youíve read, but for all the ďBrookesĒ out there, whose safety depends on your secret being kept.

CUT TO: A couple days later. Masked Bagger enters the basement lab. Professor Tincher is down there, looking excited.

Masked Bagger: You donít have to say it, Professor. I screwed up. You told me to catch the meat thief and I was unable to. I did, however, get him to throw the meat on the floor before running out of the store. So we didnít lose any product.

Professor Tincher: Oh, I donít care about that.

Masked Bagger: You donít? Whatís going on?

Professor Tincher: I have a big announcement.

Masked Bagger: Okay, what is it?

Professor Tincher: You know how important it is to keep your secret identity?

Masked Bagger: Yes, of course.

Professor Tincher: I am going to have ďMasked Bagger DayĒ tomorrow, where customers can come in and have their picture taken with the guardian of 717. He will also have his picture taken with a few select employees: Katie Collins, Mickey Tork, Adam Hauck and myself.

Masked Bagger: I think youíve lost it, Professor. How can I take a picture with Adam? I *am* him!

Professor Tincher: Thatís the big announcement. Iíve cloned you.

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) Of course you have.

Professor Tincher: No, I really did. I got some of your DNA - I wonít say how - and I went to work on making a clone of you. Heís all finished now.

Masked Bagger: Wow. Then you really *are* a professor. I was beginning to think that was just your first name.

Professor Tincher: Well now you know better. Introducing the Masked Bagger clone, which weíll simply call M.B.

M.B. enters the room. He is dressed as The Masked Bagger, and looks identical to him. He stops and stands there.

Masked Bagger: I donít believe it. Thatís me. Except, Iím not really that fat, am I?

Professor Tincher: Um, no. Of course not. On an unrelated note, however, I am starting a Biggest Loser contest in the store. It might be fun if you join, but we can talk about that later. I want you two to get to know each other, so Iíll leave you alone.

Professor Tincher leaves.

Masked Bagger: So, um, what does it feel like being a clone?

M.B.: I donít understand the question. I feel normal.

Masked Bagger: Then youíre not a clone of me. (laughs)

M.B. doesnít get the joke and therefore, doesnít laugh.

M.B.: I look like you but I donít have your brain. So please fill me in on what itís like being you.

Masked Bagger: Itís tough. Iím scared of almost everything and yet Iím expected to fight supernatural bad guys. Iíve always wanted a girlfriend but Iíve never been able to just approach a girl and ask her out.

M.B.: What kind of music do you like?

Masked Bagger: I like oldies music. The Beatles, The Monkees, Sam Cooke, among others. Thatís another thing. Iím made to feel like an outcast by the younger generation for my choice in music and television. Now you have to be me, and I donít envy you one bit.

Adam - disguised as Masked Bagger - smiles. This makes M.B. smile back.

M.B.: Iíll make you proud, Masked Bagger.

CUT TO: The next day. Itís Masked Bagger Day. After hours of having M.B. take pictures with customers, itís finally time for his picture with the employees.

Professor Tincher: Okay, Katie, Mickey, Adam, letís get our picture taken with our masked hero, here.

Adam Hauck: So Katie, now that you see me and Masked Bagger together, you know weíre not one and the same. Are you shocked?

Katie Collins: Shocked that you would think I ever suspected the two of you being the same person. Masked Bagger is a hero. Youíre a coward.

Adam Hauck: Iím also reconsidering our friendship.

Katie Collins: Okay, Iím sorry, Adam. Weíre friends. I was just kidding around with you.

Adam Hauck: Okay then.

Professor Tincher: Come on. Line up everybody. This is a big moment in all our lives. Iím sure.

Katie, Mickey, Adam, Tincher and M.B. all pose together. A picture is taken of them.

CUT TO: A FEW WEEKS LATER. It is now the month of April. Katie and Adam are up front bagging. Mickey walks up to them.

Mickey Tork: Well, Iím Employee of the Month again. Itís pretty exciting.

Katie Collins: Congrats.

Adam Hauck: Thatís great, Mick. Hey wait a second. Didnít this happen already? WHO are you paying off in our Inclusion Team? Thatís what I want to know!

Mickey Tork: Relax, dude. Iím kidding. You know, April Fools?

Adam Hauck: Oh, yeah. So am I Employee of the Month?

Mickey Tork: No.

Adam Hauck: Masked Bagger?

Mickey Tork: No.

Katie Collins: Me?

Mickey Tork: No. Sorry, Katie.

Adam Hauck: Then who?

Mickey Tork: Bernie Boswell.

CUT TO: Adam storms into the basement lab, where Professor Tincher is sitting at his desk. M.B. has a feather duster in his hand, and is dusting the place.

Adam Hauck: I donít want to tell you how to do your job, but you really have to override the Inclusion Teamís Employee of the Month pick.

M.B.: Hi, Adam!

Adam Hauck: Hey, M.B.

Professor Tincher: Is this really your biggest concern right now?

Adam Hauck: Yes! Bernie Boswell! I mean, come on!

Professor Tincher: I like the guy. Heís been our produce head for almost a month, and in all that time he has never once kidnapped me and threatened to kill me with an onion.

Adam Hauck: Give it time, Professor! He will!

Professor Tincher: Iím not in the mood for this right now.

Adam Hauck: Why? Whatís up?

Professor Tincher: I have a hunch about a certain somebody and if Iím right, well, itís bad.

Adam Hauck: Is it Boswell? Is he dying? Well now I feel bad for storming in here and complaining about his Employee of the Month title. Thatís it! He has less than a month to live. THATíS why heís Employee of the Month. It probably came from the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Professor Tincher: No, itís not Boswell.

Adam Hauck: Oh. Well then who?

Professor Tincher: I canít talk about this right now. Iíve got some research to do first. If anything comes of this hunch, Iíll let you know. Until thenÖ get back to work.

Adam Hauck: Iím going, but first I have to comment on this. You go through the trouble of creating a clone of me, and all you have him do is dust the basement?

Professor Tincher: Heís my assistant, Adam. Now go.

Adam Hauck: Iím gone, but with M.B. here, itíll kinda be like I never left. Thatís the real reason you created him, I bet.

He smiles.

CUT TO: Adam is walking through the store and he spots Katie doing re-shops in the promo isle. He takes a deep breath and then approaches her.

Adam Hauck: Hey.

Katie Collins: What up?

Adam Hauck: Oh, just the usual nothing. How are you doing?

Katie Collins: Okay, but my stomach be growliní.

Adam Hauck: Well itís almost break time for you.

Katie Collins: Yeah.

Adam Hauck: Maybe we could take a break together.

Katie Collins: Why?

Adam Hauck: Oh, uh, I just hate taking breaks alone. I like to have someone I can talk to.

Just then Bernie Boswell walks up. He overheard what Adam said.

Bernie Boswell: Deal.

Adam Hauck: What?

Bernie Boswell: You hate to take breaks alone. So do I. You like to have someone you can talk to. So do I. We were made to be break buddies.

Adam Hauck: Well Iím not going right now.

Bernie Boswell: Neither am I. This is perfect. Just let me know when youíre going. The stress of this job has given me hives, and Iíve been wanting to talk about these red splotches with someone.

Bernie walks away, happy to have a friend (or so he thinks). Katie turns to Adam and smiles.

Katie Collins: Thatís not what you were going for, huh?

Adam Hauck: No.

Katie Collins: (laughs) Iím weak! Well I better go take my break now. Though it wonít be any fun without someone telling me all about his hives, haha.

Katie walks off. Adam looks ticked.

CUT TO: A while later, back in the lab. Tincher and M.B. are already down there. Adam enters.

Adam Hauck: You wanted me, Professor?

Professor Tincher: Yes. Weíve located a super villain. Eye witness reports claim he wears the old gray Kroger shirt from years ago. He has blue flesh, dark blue hair and is able to shoot Spill Magic out of his hands.

Adam Hauck: So you want me to offer him a job as our cleaner?

Professor Tincher: The Spill Magic is poison. If it touches you, or even the clothes youíre wearing, it will absorb and kill you. This is more serious than a fruit being hurled at your head. This is life or death. Go to the back hallway, walk up the stairs to the roof. That little room up there is apparently his hideout. Oh, and one more thing. Heís responsible for the deaths of at least three people over the past couple years. Be careful.

Adam Hauck: Okay. I think M.B. should handle this one. It sounds too dangerous for me.

Professor Tincher: He doesnít have any powers. Heís a decoy. Now go!

M.B.: Iíll do it, Dad! Oh, please let me do it!

Professor Tincher: I appreciate your wanting to help out, M.B., but no. Itís too dangerous.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger walks up the stairs and enters the room. Sure enough, the blue-skinned villain is standing there, staring at our hero.

The Powder: What are you doing here?

Masked Bagger: Iíve come to take you to our Kroger prison. Itís downstairs. You killed some people.

The Powder: (smiles) Itís a hobby.

Masked Bagger: So what do they call you - Smurf Boy?

The Powder: Usually the only things people call to me are ďIím begging youĒ or ďPlease, no!Ē I like the name The Powder, though.

Masked Bagger: Did you ever think of dying your hair white, so you would look even more like a Smurf?

The Powder: Back on Smurfs? Did you even hear what I just said?

Masked Bagger: I did, but I had that joke in my head and I just had to say it. So, what, you said your name is Powder? Are you a part of the Mighty Morphin *Powder* Rangers?

Masked Bagger laughs. Heís proud of his lame joke.

The Powder: Get away from me. This is officially over.

Masked Bagger: Itís just begun, Talcum.

The Powder extends his arms, ready to shoot the poisonous Spill Magic from his hands. Masked Bagger backs out of the room but Powder follows him. Tincher is standing in the back hallway. He looks up and sees The Powderís face. Heís shocked. He calls to Masked Bagger.

Professor Tincher: Masked Bagger! Come down here. Leave him be.

The Powder: You heard the boss. Now go. You just got lucky.

CUT TO: The basement lab, once again.

Masked Bagger: I think thereís more to the story you didnít tell me.

Professor Tincher: There is, but you looked so sad. I didnít have the heart to keep going on.

Masked Bagger: I weigh 240 pounds. Which means Iím a big boy. I can take it. Tell me whatís going on.

Professor Tincher: Fine. After Brookeís murder, I was so distraught that I continued my travels of the five Earth levels. Eventually, I came back to this world. With no intention of taking a job at Kroger ever again, I simply walked into this store - 717 - for the first time. The year was 1994, and I met Brooke Montgomery all over again.

Masked Bagger: Say what?

Professor Tincher: Many of us have doubles on the other four Earth levels. When the Earth split into five levels, so did the people. Of course, since different things have happened in each level, some people who maybe died on one world are alive on another and vice-versa.

Masked Bagger: Is there another me here?

Professor Tincher: No. I wouldnít have gone through the trouble of cloning you if I could just go out and get your double.

Masked Bagger: One of a kind. Just saying.

He smiles.

Professor Tincher: Okay, well, after seeing the love of my life, who had died on another world, I knew I had to be here with her. So I applied for a job, got hired on, and within months, Brooke and I were an item. Weíre world-crossed lovers. We just see each other and we know weíre meant to be together. Brooke had a four-year-old son named Bailey Moore. She was divorced. Her ex-husband was a drunk, and the two just couldnít make it work. After a couple years, we were married. I had some of the happiest years of my life. Technically, Bailey is my step-son, but I rarely called him that. Heís my son. Eventually, I worked my way up to store manager, and using a little nepotism, seven years ago, I hired Bailey as a bagger. Then, about a year later, he went to work but never came home. We didnít know what happened to him. He was just gone - a missing person. It was total agony. Brooke was overwhelmed with grief. Not even a year later, she died. The doctors say it was a heart attack brought on by stress, but I knew what killed herÖ a broken heart. Twice I lost her. I guess I should at least be grateful that this time I got to spend many wonderful years with her and Bailey as a family before it was all shattered, and she was taken from me again.

Bagger looks like heís about to cry. Keep in mind - looking like, and actually crying are two different things!

Masked Bagger: Professor, youíre getting a hug. Get over here you sad, sad man.

Tincher reluctantly walks closer to Adam. They hug for a moment. Once the hug is over, their conversation continues.

Masked Bagger: Okay, so whatís the relevance of this story now?

Professor Tincher: The Powder IS Bailey Moore. After six years, I finally found out what had happened to him. Part of me wishes he had died, though. At least then his mother and he would be together right now, and he could be remembered as the nice kid that he was. Instead, heís out there and heís a monster. He has to be stopped, and itís your job to do it.

Masked Bagger: Then why did you stop me?

Professor Tincher: Because I freaked. I saw him and knew my hunch was correct. My son is a killer.

Masked Bagger: Thatís not your son. Heís been possessed by evil. Itís the same body but not the same spirit.

Professor Tincher: No, Adam. While itís true, Bailey didnít just wake up one day and start acting outÖ with the evil, thereís still Bailey inside. Look at Pineapple-Man. He still acts and talks like Vince Beckett. Just with an evil agenda.

Masked Bagger: And a weird hairdo.

Professor Tincher: We need a plan of attack. Bailey wonít go easy.

M.B.: Do you need my help, Adam?

Masked Bagger: Maybe. If Powder sees two Masked Baggers, it might throw him off. We could use that to our advantage.

Professor Tincher: Itís too dangerous. Iím working on a suit that covers your body and it should be immune to Baileyís Spill Magic. Just give me a little more time.

Masked Bagger: Take all the time you need. I just hope Powder doesnít kill anyone else in the meantime.

Professor Tincher: Okay, Iíll finish up the suit while you walk around the store, making sure everything is okay.

Masked Bagger: Right.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is walking around the store, making sure everything is okay. One of the evil, giant bird-men (from the 1st episode) swoops down and grabs a hold of the heroís jacket with his claws. He flies through the store, headed for the back hallway. Once he arrives, the bird-man flies Masked Bagger up the stairs to Powderís hideout. He drops the guardian and then stands in front of The Powder.

The Powder: Very well done, my feathered friend.

Powder then punches the bird-man. It falls back and vanishes. Masked Bagger watches in shock.

Masked Bagger: Whoa, killing your henchman! Was that you ďBob, gunĒ moment?

The Powder: I donít get the reference.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, I tend to make a lot of references no one gets.

The Masked Bagger stands up and is about to attack whenÖ

The Powder: I wouldnít do anything foolish.

Masked Bagger: Well thatís something else I tend to do a lot.

The Powder: This time will be your last. Look up.

He does and sees the ceiling is rigged with the poison Spill Magic.

The Powder: One step out of the circle youíve been dropped onto by that bird and the Spill Magic comes down like snow, and absorbs you. Then itís bye-bye Mask-Man.

Masked Bagger: YouÖ evilÖ guyÖ you.

The Powder: Thatís a good one. Iím gonna have to remember that, hehe. Now Iím gonna tie you up with some duct tape to make it even harder for you to escape, and then Iím going for a walk around the store.

Masked Bagger: Why?

The Powder: Hey, I was in here, minding my own business. Youíre the one who decided to poke the hibernating bear. Now youíre gonna find out why thatís a no-no.

Masked Bagger: Donít do anything. Iíll do whatever you want. Just donít hurt those people down there. Letís make a deal.

The Powder: Do I look like Wayne Brady?

Masked Bagger: Well no, but you kinda look like you could be one of the audience members.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher and M.B. are in the basement lab. Tincher stops working on the body suit for a moment to talk to the clone.

Professor Tincher: Iíve been so wrapped up in my own drama lately that I havenít even asked you how youíve been.

M.B.: Thatís okay.

Professor Tincher: Are you okay being my assistant? I mean, since I created you for a sole purpose, I donít really know what I can have you do the rest of the time.

M.B.: I love it. I get to work for my dad. Sometimes, I even get to see my brother, Adam. I love this life.

Professor Tincher: So things are good?

M.B.: Yes. I mean, I wish you would let me go out and help Masked Bagger sometimes. I know I can do good in the store and help people, just like he does.

Professor Tincher: Heís a superhero with super strength. You donít have that. I donít even have that. He fights alone because he has no peers in that area. I worry about you, M.B.

M.B.: I appreciate it, Dad. I just wish you wouldnít.

CUT TO: The Powder is out and about in the store. He heads up to the front, where Katie and Mickey are bagging.

Mickey Tork: You know, Adam is supposed to be on carts. Where is he? This is ticking me off.

Katie Collins: I donít know where he is.

She looks over and sees The Powder.

Katie Collins: Uh, Mickey.

Mickey Tork: Yeah?

Katie Collins: I have a bad feeling about that guy over there.

Mickey Tork: Which one?

Katie Collins: Heís wearing the old gray Kroger shirt. Oh, and his skin and hair are blue!

Mickey sees him. He senses trouble.

Mickey Tork: You know what? Iíll be nice and do Adamís carts for him.

Mickey then heads to the baggerís closet where he gets a cart strap and vest, and goes outside. Katie is disappointed in Mickey.

Katie Collins: Imma need the guys I hang out with to not be scared little boys!

The Powder walks up to the front end but then turns around. He walks over to the photo lab, across from the frozen food isles, and just stands there, waiting for someone to cross him. Professor Tincher just happens to walk by. They both look at one another.

The Powder: I donít believe it. Dad! Howíre ya doiní?

Professor Tincher: You vanish for six years and thatís all you have to say to me?

The Powder: Fine. You look like youíve put on some weight. Oh, and get a haircut.

Professor Tincher: You have to stop this, Bailey. Youíve killed innocent people. Let me help you. I can try to rehabilitate you.

The Powder: Iím gonna pass on that. I like who I am *now*.

Professor Tincher: What happened to you? How did you becomeÖ what you are now?

The Powder: I donít remember. Some freak accident, Iím sure.

Professor Tincher: Son, I still love you. Remember that. We can try to be a family again. Just you and me. What do you say?

Just then, M.B. runs over to the Professor and Powder. This ticks Powder off because he thinks itís The Masked Bagger.

The Powder: So you escaped? Iím impressed.

M.B.: Huh?

The Powder: Well someoneís gonna die for that.

Powder looks around and spots a little girl standing by herself. She sees him and starts to smile at him. She doesnít know heís evil. Heís just a funny looking blue man to her. Powder extends his arms out and is ready to pour the poisonous Spill Magic on her. M.B. sees this.

M.B.: NO!!!!

He runs over to save her. The Spill Magic has left Powderís hands and is headed in her direction. M.B. pushes the girl out of the way and hits the floor. However, the Spill Magic lands on him. Tincher watches in shock as M.B.ís molecules break down, and he starts to fall apart, being absorbed.

Professor Tincher: M.B., no!

M.B. looks over at Tincher. He puts out his left hand for his dad to hold before he perishes. As theyíre holding hands for what little time M.B. has left, tears roll down Tincherís face. M.B. notices this.

M.B.: No regrets.

M.B. then completely absorbs and his body, which has turned into Spill Magic, falls onto the floor in a pile. The Professor wipes the tears from his eyes. He looks at Powder, pissed.

The Powder: Haha! I got him! The Masked Bagger is a pile of powder on the floor! This store is mine now!

Professor Tincher: Bailey Kurt Moore! You are in so much trouble!

The Powder: Sorry, dad. Iíll go to my roomÖ or, instead, Iíll do to you what I just did to your masked friend there.

Professor Tincher: Try it!

The Powder: I didnít want any of this, dad. I was fine just hiding out. You and Masked Bagger are the ones who brought me out for a fight. Well if itís a fight you want, itís a fight youíre gonna get!

The Powder extends his arms and shoots out the poisonous Spill Magic at Tincher. He jumps out of the way but bangs his arm on a shelf.

Professor Tincher: Ouch! Darn shelf.

The Powder: How does it feel to be weak? Ever since I got my super powers, Iíve completely forgotten what that feels like. Mom was weak, too. I heard that her heart was so frail after I went missing that she just diedÖ pathetic, hehe!

Professor Tincher is pissed! He races towards his son, who extends his arms out to shoot more Spill Magic at his father. Tincher grabs Powderís right arm with both hands and bends it backwards, breaking it over his knee. He then punches Powder in the face, who falls back and lands on his butt. Tincher stands over him.

Professor Tincher: Iím not The Masked Bagger. I wonít make funny remarks. Iíll just kickÖ yourÖ ass!

The Powder: I just wanted to be left alone. Since thatís not an option, well, check the forecast. Thereís gonna be a snowfall. Everyone dies. Hehe.

Professor Tincher: What does that mean? Youíre not a snow villain!

Powder gets up and runs off. Masked Bagger runs over to the Professor. There are gasps from some customers who thought Masked Bagger had been killed.

Masked Bagger: Iím here! Iím here! You wonít believe how I escaped, but I finally got myself free from The Powderís duct tape. You know, Iím really starting to question these super powers you say I have.

Masked Bagger notices Tincherís eyes are red from crying.

Masked Bagger: Whatís wrong?

Professor Tincher: Everything. Letís get to the basement.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-12-2017 at 12:55 PM.
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Old 03-28-2017, 12:25 PM   #9
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EPISODE #4. Spill Magic Snowfall (Part 2)

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
The Powder
Salt-Man [pictured below]
Hailie Morgan (21-year-old) [pictured below]
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Last edited by Adamantium; 03-30-2017 at 08:43 AM.
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Old 03-28-2017, 12:28 PM   #10
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 7,005

EPISODE #4. Spill Magic Snowfall (Part 2)

Originally Released on May 28th, 2013

And Now, More StoryÖ

Inside the basement lab. Both Professor Tincher and Masked Bagger are down there pacing.

Professor Tincher: Itís been a few weeks! Why hasnít Powder made his move yet? He promised a snowfall. This is maddening!

Masked Bagger: If this snowfall is anything like the trap he had me in, this store is in serious danger.

Professor Tincher: And yet, the customers wonít stop shopping here. We even have a sign on the door that clearly states ďKiller with Poisonous Spill Magic Loose in the Store! Shop at Your Own Risk.Ē

Masked Bagger: Darn us and our low prices!

Masked Bagger looks over at Tincher, who suddenly looks sad.

Masked Bagger: What?

Professor Tincher: I canít stop thinking about M.B.

Masked Bagger: I know. I miss him, too. At least he died a hero. Thatís all any of us can ask for. He died with honor.

Professor Tincher: He shouldnít have *died* at all.

Masked Bagger: I hope youíre not blaming me for that.

Professor Tincher: Well, you *are* the guardian of the store.

Masked Bagger: Unbelievable!

Professor Tincher: Iím sorry, Adam. Look, itís just my nerves talking.

Masked Bagger: Iím going out to get some air.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger walks outside. Heís on the front sidewalk of the store. He hears a scream and looks to his left. Salt-Man is attacking Hailie Morgan, an employee. Masked Bagger darts over there.

Masked Bagger: Excuse me, Miss. Is this guy bothering you?

Hailie Morgan: YES!

Masked Bagger: Thatís what I thought.

Masked Bagger takes Hailieís hand and guides her behind him. She then runs off while Masked Bagger stands guard. Salt-Man stands there, ticked off. The hero and villain look at one another.

Salt-Man: Whyíd you do that?

Masked Bagger: Saving people from bad guys is kind of my thing. Why were you attacking her?

Salt-Man: Itís how I get my jollies. Is there something wrong with that?

Masked Bagger: Yes! How can you not see that? But I suppose a guy wearing a ďSaltĒ t-shirt isnít the brightest.

Salt-Man: Itís not just a shirt. Itís an actual bag of salt. Iím one of those super villains you were brought to the store to battle. Your buddy Tincher had me locked up before you came, but I freed myself and just in time to assault attractive gals like Hailie!

Masked Bagger: Whatís your name?

Salt-Man: They call me Salt-Man!

Masked Bagger: Is that *really* what they call you? They couldnít come up with something more creative?

Salt-Man: Well, I mean, I told people to call me Salt-Man. I said ďHey people, call me Salt-Man!Ē And they do.

Masked Bagger: Wow, this is the kind of genius Iím battling.

Salt-Man: Now I have you right where I want you. You think Iím a typical strong man villain with a small I.Q., donít you? All brawn and no brain.

Masked Bagger: Pretty Much.

Salt-Man: Well then I guess youíre up to speed. Itís still gonna hurt, though. No matter whether I can recite Macbeth from memory orÖ

Before finishing his sentence, Salt-Man picks up two forty pound bags of salt as easily as if they were pillows, and hurls them at our hero. What a jerk! One of them misses him, but the other rams into Masked Baggerís chest, knocking him to the ground.

Masked Bagger: I should have caught thatÖ and if this were dodge ball, youíd win. But itís not.

Masked Bagger stands up.

Masked Bagger: So get that smirk off your face!

The handsome hero in a mask takes out his cart strap, twirls it over his head a few times and then hits Salt-Manís face with it. It doesnít phase the baddie.

Salt-Man: Haha, stop that. It tickles.

Masked Bagger: Letís see if *this* tickles!

Masked Bagger runs over to Salt-Man and punches him square on the faceÖ and nearly breaks his hand. Salt-Man laughs and then chest bumps Masked Bagger, which causes him to fly back in the air twelve feet, and land on the concrete.

Salt-Man: Face it, Bagger. You just lost to a human bag of salt!

Masked Bagger: Itís not in my contract to lose.

Masked Bagger gets up and reaches into his pocket. He runs over to the villain with a box cutter in his hand, and gives a quick slice to Salt-Manís chest (which, again, is a big bag of salt pellets). Salt-Man moans as the salt pellets start to pour out of his body. He finally uses both arms to cover up the slit, so nothing more falls out.

Salt-Man: This isnít over, Bagger!

Masked Bagger: Oh right! Thanks for reminding me.

The guardian of 717 takes out his bag-gun and shoots Salt-Man with it, covering his body.

Salt-Man: Hey, let me outta here!

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) Yeah, thatíd be a smart idea.

Masked Bagger drags the big bag of villain inside the store and heads for the basement to incarcerate him.

CUT TO: A little while later. Adam walks past non-foods and sees Katie and Hailie, the girl he saved from Salt-Man, talking. He pretends like heís doing a price check, when really, heís eavesdropping. Hailie is telling Katie the story of Salt-Man and Masked Bagger.

Hailie Morgan: I be like, get off me, freak! And he be all like NO! Iís just about to kick him in his pellets when Masked Bagger came over and took care of him.

Katie Collins: Thatís exciting! I wonder who he is under that mask.

Hailie Morgan: I hear he not be from this world. Looks human, though. He ainít hunky but he a real man. If only he was black, Iíd be all on that.

Katie Collins: Girl, youíre crazy, haha!

Just then a page is made on the intercomÖ

Intercom Voice: Katie to customer service. Katie to customer service.

Katie Collins: Well I gotta go. See ya later.

Hailie Morgan: Okay. See ya, girl.

Katie walks away. Adam then swoops in to talk to Hailie.

Adam Hauck: Hello.

Hailie Morgan: Zup? My name be Hailie Morgan.

Adam Hauck: Right. From before.

Hailie Morgan: Before? What you be talkiní about?

Adam realizes Hailie only knows him as Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: Iím Adam. Youíre Katieís friend, right?

Hailie Morgan: Yep. We be peeps since middle school.

Adam Hauck: The way you speakÖ were you raised on the streets?

Hailie Morgan: Nah, I just grew up watching BET, UPN and listening to rap music. Also, Michael Jackson, but only from the years when he was black. During his white years, I lost interest.

Adam Hauck: (smiles) Didnít we all?

This is the kind of topical humor youíll find in The Masked Bagger.

Hailie Morgan: When I first met Katie, she be talkiní like you. Glad she got wise and changed that.

Adam Hauck: Wow, well anyways, since youíre best friends with Katie, I have a question for you.

Hailie Morgan: What?

Adam Hauck: Does she have a boyfriend?

Hailie Morgan: Sheís talking to someone.

Adam Hauck: Is she single? I mean, technically Iím talking to you right now, but that doesnít make us a couple.

Hailie Morgan: Dang tootiní, we ainít a couple. You too white for me.

Adam Hauck: Okay, well, Iím interested in Katie. Iím just trying to find out if I have a shot with her.

Hailie Morgan: Sure, you can have a shot with her. She be 21.

Adam Hauck: No, not alcohol shots.

Just then a voice goes over the intercom.

Intercom Voice: Adam to customer service. Adam to customer service.

Grateful to be getting out of this conversation, Adam saysÖ

Adam Hauck: Oh thank goodness. Well, I gotta go. Nice talking to you.

Adam runs off. Hailie watches him as he leaves.

Hailie Morgan: (to herself) Silly white boy.

CUT TO: The Powder returns to his hideout. Heís got a smile on his blue, evil face. His right arm has a cast around it, still broken from Tincherís attack in the previous episode.

The Powder: Itís ready. Time to terrorize the people of 717, hehehe!

CUT TO: Adam is doing a clean-up of a broken jar of pickles. He grabs his container of Spill Magic from the cleaning cart (not to be confused with the Bagger-Mobile), and pours some on the spill. However, only a little comes out before itís empty.

Adam Hauck: Crap. I need some more Spill Magic.

By chance, Adam looks up at the ceiling and sees itís covered in Spill Magic, which is just floating there.

Adam Hauck: (in shock) I donít need *that* much. Wait a secondÖ the snowfall!

He looks over at the customers and sees plenty of them.

Adam Hauck: This looks like a job for Superman! But since heís not real, Masked Bagger will have to do!

Adam leaves behind the broken jar of pickles, which he figures is the least of his problems. He then darts into the baggerís closet - one of many different locations for his costume. He changes into the masked hero and comes out of the closet (not like THAT!).

Masked Bagger: Attention customersÖ I need you all to evacuate the building. Youíre all in grave danger!

No one pays attention to him. They just go about their business. Masked Bagger doesnít know what to do.

Masked Bagger: I donít know what to do.

Suddenly, The Powder shows up.

The Powder: I killed you!

Masked Bagger: You did. Iím all a part of your conscience, telling you to stop this snowfall. You donít want to kill anymore.

The Powder: I donít have a conscience.

Masked Bagger: Okay, fine. You didnít kill me. You killed a clone of me. Now whyís your arm in a cast?

The Powder: Itís broken. Iím evil - not unbreakable.

Suddenly, Salt-Man comes out of nowhere and rams into Masked Bagger, knocking him against a wall.

Salt-Man: Iím betting *youíre* breakable though!

Masked Bagger: What?

Salt-Man: Your little prison couldnít hold me for long!

Masked Bagger notices that Salt-Man has a big piece of duct tape on his chest, covering the slit he made earlier.

Masked Bagger: Haha, this looks ridiculous! Iím battling two damaged foes. I think instead of incarcerating you, when I win this fight, Iíll take you both to the damaged section on the back dock.

Salt-Man: You did this to me!

Masked Bagger: (joking) Really? I assumed you just had a bad surgeon, who was unable to sew you back up, so he just slapped some duct tape on the incision.

Salt-Man: The duct tape was my idea. I had to do something. Pellets kept falling out.

Masked Bagger: Howíd you escape the prison?

Salt-Man: Letís just say I did and leave it at that.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher picks up the phone receiver to make an announcement over the intercom to warn customers about the upcoming ďsnowfall.Ē However, his voice doesnít carry over. Instead, Spill Magic pours out of the intercom speaker. Realizing that he canít warn everybody at once, Tincher starts to panic. He leaves the office and enters the main floor. He spots Katie and Mickey walking by the deli.

Professor Tincher: Katie! Mickey! I need your help!

Mickey Tork: Sure. What is it, Chief?

Professor Tincher: You know how weird things happen in this store? So weird that we need to have our very own superhero?

Katie Collins: Uh, yeah, Iíve noticed.

Professor Tincher: Something bad is coming and everyone in the store will die. We have to evacuate the building. Poisonous Spill Magic is going to fall from the ceiling at any moment. If it touches you, it kills you. The intercom doesnít work. Will you help me get everyone out?

Mickey Tork: Risk our lives for the customers?

Katie Collins: Iím down with that.

Professor Tincher: What does that mean, Katie?

Katie Collins: Iíll do it!

Professor Tincher: Great! Once we get everyone out, weíll meet up in the parking lot. Good luck!

Tincher walks off.

Mickey Tork: Are you crazy, Katie? We might die!

Katie Collins: Not if we hurry up. I donít want the deaths of all these people to be on my mind. Letís split up. You take that half (she points to her right) and Iíll take this half. We could really use Adamís help, too. Where is that guy?

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is backed into a corner. Both The Powder and Salt-Man are standing in front of him, ready to make their move.

Masked Bagger: Itís getting pretty crowded over here. Why donít I just leave?

The Powder: I would be happy to make some more room by turning you into a pile of absorbant powder, but I donít want you to be the first to go.

Salt-Man: Wait a second, Powder-Man. Weíre NOT gonna kill him now?

The Powder: Itís just Powder, and of course not. I want him to deal with the deaths of many customers and co-workers first. Then, when heís all sad and crying - pathetic - Iíll put him out of his sad little misery byÖ

Salt-Man: (interrupting) Spill Magic-ing him!

The Powder: No, you moron! I mean yes, but I donít call it that.

Salt-Man: So what are we doing now?

The Powder: We can still rough him up a bit. And for the record, Masked Bagger, this is not an official team-up. Itís just a coincidence that youíre facing two villains at once.

Masked Bagger: (sarcastically) That makes me feel better.

Masked Bagger suddenly sprays Salt-Man in the eyes with the spray bottle. When the villain covers his eyes with his hands, the 717 Guardian punches him in the stomach - which, again, is a bag of salt pellets. It hurts Masked Bagger only.

Masked Bagger: OUCH! Why do I do the things I do?

The Powder: Because youíre not qualified for this job as the store superhero, and youíre over compensating to make up for it. As a result, you donít think straight and do these idiotic things. Your sense of humor is also because youíre either ripping off Spider-Man or because you feel if you can still be funny in scary situations, that you have some small control over them.

Masked Bagger: Thatís it.

The Powder: Yeah, I was raised by Tincher. I either analyze something or compare it to a comic book.

Masked Bagger: He totally does that!

CUT TO: Katie runs up to a woman.

Katie Collins: Imma need you to get out of here before you die and go to Hell!

Female Customer: (angry) Here we go! I donít need to be preached to little lady. Iím shopping, not attending a church service!

Katie Collins: I ainít preaching to you.

Female Customer: You either want to save my soul or want my money. Which is it?

Katie Collins: Neither.

Female Customer: Yeah right! Youíre a pest. Now leave me alone!

Just then, Katie punches the woman in the face, which knocks her out. Katie picks her up and is going to drag her out of the store.

Katie Collins: Saving customers is gonna be tougher than I thought.

CUT TO: Mickey walks up to a male customer.

Mickey Tork: Hey, buddy. Whatís say you leave before you end up as a pile of powder?

Male Customer: Can you snort it?

Mickey Tork: No, YOUíRE the pile of powder.

Male Customer: Do *I* get snorted?

Mickey Tork: Okay, Iím moving onto someone else now.

Mickey walks off, looking for another customer to save.

CUT TO: Tincher, Katie and Mickey meet up in the book isle.

Professor Tincher: Okay, none of us seem to have had any luck convincing customers to leave. So weíre moving onto plan B.

Mickey Tork: We get to leave?

Professor Tincher: No. Umbrellas! We pass out these umbrellas to all the customers. Theyíll be fine as long as they cover their head with an umbrella.

Katie Collins: This store gets crazier every day.

CUT TO: Professor, Katie and Mickey run around the store handing all the customers umbrellas. While they all take them, not all agree to cover themselves with it.

CUT TO: Professor walks by and notices Masked Bagger on the floor. Heís conscious, but beat up.

Professor Tincher: Masked Bagger, are you okay?

Masked Bagger: Iíve been better. Salt-Man got loose. He and Powder - while not officially a team-up - worked together to take me down.

Professor Tincher: Letís get you back to the basement. Iíve got that Spill Magic-Proof suit for you to wear.

Masked Bagger: Is everyone out?

Professor Tincher: Uh, no. The customers refuse to leave. The employees, however, all ran out before I could finish my sentence telling them to leave. Though Katie and Mickey are passing out umbrellas to the remaining customers.

Masked Bagger: What?

Professor Tincher: Letís just get to the basement!

They head for the basement.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger suits up with his new absorbent powder-proof outfit. He looks ridiculous, but he lives in a world where looking ridiculous just may save his life.

Professor Tincher: Iíll be down here, watching you from the monitors. Good luck, my friend.

Masked Bagger: Thanks.

CUT TO: The snowfall has begun. The poisonous Spill Magic slowly falls from the ceiling as if it were snow falling from the sky. When Katie and Mickey notice itís begun, they head for the exit and are both okay. Many of the customers are using their umbrellas. A few of the stubborn ones perish when touched by the poisonous powder. Hey, they should have done as they were told. Amazingly, those using their umbrellas are casually shopping. None of this is really phasing them. Of course, theyíre unaware that once they get to the checkout, there will be a huge lineup and no cashier.

Masked Bagger - in his new suit, which looks like a black and gray hazmat suit - looks for The Powder. They both meet up at the front end. The Powder no longer wears the cast.

Masked Bagger: No cast for your arm?

The Powder: It healed. Why arenít you dying?

Masked Bagger: Absorbent-Powder-Proof suit. Iím good to go.

The Powder: Letís test this. Maybe the snowfall isnít affecting you but direct contact from a bunch of Spill Magic at once will do the trick!

Powder extends his arms and shoots out some Spill Magic. It hits Masked Bagger but then falls onto the floor. His outfit is working.

Masked Bagger: If this were a movie, you and I would get some big, epic fight scene, but this is real life and Iím going to easily defeat you.

The Powder: Maybe, but at what cost? You look ridiculous in that outfit.

Just then, Powder swings his left arm and punches Masked Bagger in the face. This causes him to step back some and he retaliates with a punch as well, but Powder ducks, causing Masked Bagger to spin around a couple times.

The Powder: Letís see if you are affected by THIS!

Powder kicks Masked Bagger in his, um, private area. OUCH!!! Bagger falls to his knees in pain. Powder laughs. Humiliated and in excruciating pain, Masked Bagger stands up.

Masked Bagger: Just so you super villains know, kicking me there only makes me stronger. Itís one of my super powers!

Thatís not true, but he just wants to make sure the word gets around, so no one else tries it. Even though heís nauseous from the pain, Masked Bagger has to put on a show and takes a swing at Powder, punching him in the face. He punches him two more times, finally feeling like heís winning (and beginning to wonder if that kick-in-the-crotch-giving-him-strength line was actually true).

The Powder: Somethingís not right.

Masked Bagger: Yeah, all this time I fear you and youíre not so tough!

The Spill Magic snowfall stops. Powder is exhausted and visibly weaker. Masked Bagger gives one final punch to the villain, knocking him to the floor. The 717 Guardian looks down. Powder is turning white - not flesh colored but snow white. Tincher walks over to them.

The Powder: Too much.

Masked Bagger: Whatís too much?

The Powder: I extracted too much Spill Magic from my body to create this snowfall. Hospital. Get me to a hospital.

Our hero turns to Tincher.

Masked Bagger: ProfessorÖ hospital?

Professor Tincher: (to Powder) How does it feel to be weak?

The Powder: DadÖ help me.

The Professor is conflicted. He doesnít want to help the monster who killed (among others) M.B. However, itís in Tincherís nature to help out anybody in need.

The Powder: Please!

Just then, Powder loses the fight for his life and transforms into an actual pile of powder. Masked Bagger and Professor Tincher watch on in shock.

Masked Bagger: And thatís the end of The Powder.

Professor Tincher: Yes. Just like thatÖ heís gone.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is in the basement. He hears a noise coming from one of the cells. Itís Salt-Man.

Salt-Man: Iím not immune to that poison powder. I figured Iíd be safe in here. Is it over?

Masked Bagger: Not yet.

Masked Bagger closes the cell door and locks it.

Masked Bagger: Now itís over. And weíre working to make this cell stronger to hold you longer.

Salt-Man: This sucks!

CUT TO: Professor Tincher is sitting at his desk, staring at a framed picture of his family. Adam enters the office.

Adam Hauck: Whatís that, Professor?

Professor Tincher: Itís a picture of my wife, my son and myself. Iíve had this on my desk for years now.

Adam Hauck: I guess I always just overlooked it. How do you feel?

Professor Tincher: I donít know. I mean, I look at the happy family we once were, and I feel pain because Iím the only one left, and the others had such tragic ends.

Adam Hauck: Iím sorry we couldnít save Bailey.

Professor Tincher: Bailey died six years ago. You were right about that. The guy we fought was not my son. At least I have closure now.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, but if we captured him, maybe you could have rehabilitated him, like youíre planning to try with the others.

Professor Tincher: Itís a nice thought to one day have Bailey back, but right now I just want to focus on what I do have: a good job, and a good friend, and wonderful memories of the family that used to be.

Tincher sets the framed picture of his family back on his desk.

Professor Tincher: If you donít mind, Adam, Iíd like to be alone.

Adam Hauck: Yeah, okay. Iíve got something else I have to do anyways.

Adam exits Tincherís office. Tincher continues looking at the picture. Then he opens his drawer and pulls out another framed picture. Itís the one with Adam, M.B., Katie, Mickey and himself. He places it on the desk next to the other, then sits back in his chair and looks at the picture of his new ďfamilyĒ next to his old family.

CUT TO: Adam walks up to Katie, whoís in non-foods, putting away re-shops. Heís planning on asking her out on a date.

Adam Hauck: Katie, hi.

Katie Collins: Hey. Whatís up?

Adam Hauck: Oh, nothing much. I mean now that Masked Bagger saved the store again.

Katie Collins: I know. Heís awesome.

Adam Hauck: Yep. He is. Listen, I was wondering ifÖ

So nervous, Adam looks down at the shelf instead of Katie, and continues talking.

Adam Hauck: Öyouíd like to go out with me, sometime?

He looks over at her and she doesnít look thrilled by the question, which makes Adam even more nervous and explains why he then throws inÖ

Adam Hauck: As friends, of course!

Katie Collins: As friends?

Just then, Hailie Morgan walks up to them. Adam turns around to act like heís just there shopping. However, the shelf his face is level to is for adult diapers.

Hailie Morgan: Hi, Katie. What be up?

Katie Collins: Nothiní.

Adam Hauck: (to himself) Sheís kinda being asked out.

Hailie grabs a product off the shelf.

Hailie Morgan: Well I have to give this to a customer. See ya later.

Katie Collins: Okay, bye.

Hailie walks off and Katie turns to Adam.

Katie Collins: You like to bowl, donít you?

Adam Hauck: Yeah.

Katie Collins: We can go bowling then.

CUT TO: Adam is in his house with the song ďYou Can Call Me AlĒ by Paul Simon playing, while he dances around like a fool, overjoyed that he has a date with Katie coming up.


"You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon -

Last edited by Adamantium; 07-13-2017 at 02:35 PM.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:04 AM   #11
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EPISODE #5. Meat-Grindin' Love

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Meat-Man alias Rob Jenkins [pictured below]
Kroger Devil [pictured below]
Bernie Boswell
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Last edited by Adamantium; 03-30-2017 at 08:44 AM.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:08 AM   #12
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
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EPISODE #5. Meat-Grindiní Love

Originally Released on June 18th, 2013

And the Story Continues OnÖ

Rob Jenkins, a meat department employee, is standing at the time clock. Katie Collins walks up to him and smiles.

Katie Collins: There you are, babe.

Rob Jenkins: (smiles) Iím here.

They both kiss on the lips.

Katie Collins: I love you.

Rob Jenkins: No more than I do you, sweet thing.

Suddenly, all of that goes away. It was a daydream of Robís. In reality, he stands at the time clock and Katie walks over towards him, and clocks in. Heís too nervous to do or say anything. He then watches as she walks away.

Rob Jenkins: (whispers) I love you.

Mickey starts to walk past Rob.

Rob Jenkins: Hey, Tork.

Mickey Tork: Yeah.

Rob Jenkins: Do you know if Katie has a boyfriend?

Mickey Tork: Well I donít know about boyfriend, but she and Adam are becoming a thing. They went on a bowling date last night.

Rob looks upset.

CUT TO: Adam finishes bagging an order. Mickey returns from his break, and approaches him.

Mickey Tork: So how was your date?

Adam Hauck: It was great, but not officially a date.

Mickey Tork: Was it just the two of you?

Adam Hauck: Yes.

Mickey Tork: Did you both talk about your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams, and get to know one another?

Adam Hauck: Yes. She wants to be a kindergarten teacher, and dislikes people who make fun of those with disabilities.

Mickey Tork: Did you pay?

Adam Hauck: Yes.

Mickey Tork: Did she put out?

Adam Hauck: No!

Mickey Tork: It was a date.

Professor Tincher walks up.

Professor Tincher: Guys, am I paying you to stand around and talk?

Mickey Tork: Adam was telling me about his date with Katie.

Professor Tincher: (interested) Ooh, details.

Adam Hauck: Okay. We went to the bowling alley.

Tork interrupts.

Mickey Tork: Which one?

Adam Hauck: Banta Bowling. We bowled four games and ate pizza at their little restaurant. Thereís not much more to tell. We didnít kiss or anything. In her mind, it was just a couple of friends hanging out. I will say this, however. I am full-fledged in love with Katie Nichole Collins.

CUT TO: A couple hours later. Adam and Katie are up front. She clocks out to go on a break. Adam finally gets the nerve to talk about their ďdate.Ē

Adam Hauck: So, did you have a good time bowling?

Katie Collins: Yeah. It was a lot of fun.

Adam Hauck: (smiles) Remember when we had to wait for the lanes, so we made reservations for Hauck? Fifteen minutes later, they called out ďHackett to the front desk.Ē

Katie Collins: Yeah, lol. We went up to the counter to see if they meant us, and they did.

Adam Hauck: Did you just say ďlolĒ?

Katie Collins: Yeah, haha.

Adam Hauck: Well do you think youíd want to do it again, sometime? Bowling, that is, not say ďlolĒ.

Katie Collins: Of course, Puddiní.

Adam Hauck: Great. Well just let me know when is best for you and weíll go again.

Katie Collins: Okay.

Rob Jenkins is crouched behind a register, watching the two talk. Heís outraged that theyíre both dating. Thatís HIS woman.. Or so he feels. Just then, an announcement is made on the intercom.

Intercom Voice: Masked Bagger to the dairy. Masked Bagger to the dairy. Those birds are back, and attacking customers.

Adam Hauck: Well, Iíll see you, Katie.

Katie Collins: You gonna hide?

Adam Hauck: Um, no. Iím not the coward you seem to think I am.

Katie Collins: Well, see ya.

Katie walks off. Adam runs over to the baggerís closet. Rob continues to watch. Suddenly Masked Bagger exits the closet. He runs off to the dairy.

Rob Jenkins: I donít believe it. Adam Hauck is The Masked Bagger!

CUT TO: Rob Jenkins is in a dark room, with lit candles providing some light. Suddenly, the Kroger Devil appears.

Kroger Devil: How did you know to reach me?

Rob Jenkins: Please, Iím in the Kroger occult.

Kroger Devil: What is it that you want?

Rob Jenkins: If youíre really the Kroger Devil, then you already know what I want.

Kroger Devil: You have to say it first. Thatís how it works.

Rob Jenkins: I want super powers so that I can take down Masked Bagger.

Kroger Devil: And why do you want to take down the beloved hero of 717?

Rob Jenkins: I know who he really is, and heís dating my girlfriend. He needs to be dead.

Kroger Devil: And what do you think I can do for you?

Rob Jenkins: Please, I know youíre responsible for all the super villains in the store. There are no freak accidents here. You threw Beckett into the compost. You somehow turned Bailey Moore into The Powder. You made Dan Lewis become Salt-Man. Now I want you to do the same for me.

Kroger Devil: What do I get in return?

Rob Jenkins: What do you want?

Kroger Devil: Now that I think of it, you being in my army of evil will be enough. Others have failed. You must not.

Rob Jenkins: I will not fail, for I have right on my side. Masked Bagger will soon be known as ďThe Masked Corpse.Ē

Kroger Devil: Iím sure no one will ever call him that, even if you do succeed in killing him.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger hands a little girl back to her mother.

Masked Bagger: There you go, maíam. Your daughter is safe now.

Mother: Thank you, Masked Bagger. Youíre the greatest.

Masked Bagger: (humbled) I do what I can.

The proud hero of 717 walks off. He gets past the meat department when he hears a voice calling his name. He walks inside and looks around, but itís empty. He turns around to leave but suddenly Meat-Man (formerly Rob Jenkins) is standing there. He punches Masked Bagger in the face, knocking him to the floor.

Meat-Man: Youíre not so tough.

Masked Bagger: Oh, here we go. Whatís *your* name?

Meat-Mean: What do you think my name is?

Masked Bagger: (gets up off the floor) Well, letís see. Youíre made up of raw meat, so is it Meat-Man?

Meat-Man: Precisely.

Masked Bagger: What do you want?

Meat-Man: I want to have a saleÖ Masked Bagger Cutlets, $2.99. The once proud hero of the store will soon be ground meat, packaged and sold to an unsuspecting customer.

Masked Bagger: $2.99 for me? I donít think so. Iím worth at least five bucks!

Masked Bagger takes a swing at Meat-Man, punching him in the face. However, he gets raw meat on his knuckles.

Masked Bagger: Ugh, nasty!

Meat-Man: Haha, amateur!

Meat-Man takes out a meat cleaver and swings it at the 717 Guardian. Masked Bagger steps back and dodges what could have been a fatal slice.

Masked Bagger: I didnít know we could use weapons. Lemme get out myÖ

Masked Bagger gets his spray bottle out and sprays Meat-Man in the eyes with the cleaner. While the villain is rubbing his eyes, our hero grabs the bag-gun, and aims it at him. However, Meat-Man notices whatís about to happen, and he swings the cleaver, knocking it out of Masked Baggerís hand. Itís been destroyed.

Masked Bagger: You broke it! This isnít over!

Unsure of how to capture the villain, Masked Bagger walks away, with plans of returning with a new bag-gun.

Meat-Man: A win for the Meat-Man, but now itís time to step it up a notch.

CUT TO: A while later, Meat-Man gets on the intercom. Because his look and new persona donít affect his voice, it simply sounds as if Rob Jenkins is making the page.

Meat-Man: (on intercom) Katie Collins to the meat department. Katie Collins to the meat department.

CUT TO: Katie enters the meat department.

Katie Collins: What you want, Rob?

She looks around but doesnít see him. Suddenly, out of the cooler comes Meat-Man. She looks at him and is instantly scared.

Katie Collins: What is this?

Meat-Man: Welcome, my love.

CUT TO: Adam comes back inside from doing carts.

Adam Hauck: Hey, Mick, do you know where Katie is?

Mickey Tork: You mean besides your dreams?

Adam Hauck: Yes! Sheís on carts now.

Mickey Tork: Uh, Jenkins paged her to the meat department a bit ago. I havenít seen her since.

Remembering that Meat-Manís voice sounded a lot like Rob Jenkins, a shiver goes down Adamís spine. He runs off.

CUT TO: Adam runs into Tincherís office.

Adam Hauck: Meat-Man has Katie!

Professor Tincher: Meat-Man? Is that a nickname for someone whoís very well endowed?

Adam Hauck: No, itís a new super villain. His voice sounds like Rob Jenkins, but Iím not sure.

Professor Tincher: That would explain why no one has seen Rob in a while. Iíll check the monitors to see if I can locate them.

Adam Hauck: Okay but hurry. Who knows what that psycho will do?

Professor Tincher: You know, itís funny. Last month, Jenkins was Employee of the Month. Now heís a villain. When the spotlight of such an honor goes away, it can do crazy things to a person.

Adam Hauck: Monitors - NOW!

CUT TO: Meat-Manís lair, under the meat department. Katie is sitting down, tied up to a chair.

Meat-Man: Will you go out with me?

Katie Collins: What? Ugh, no way!

Meat-Man: But we belong together.

Katie Collins: Imma need you to leave me alone.

Meat-Man: If I canít have youÖ no one can!

Katie Collins: You really think you had a chance with me - looking like that?

Meat-Man: Well seeing as Iím quite deranged, of course I thought I had a chance. I mean who *wouldnít* wanna get with this?

CUT TO: The break room. Mickey is sitting at a table. Bernie Boswell walks over and looks at all five tables. Theyíre all empty except for the one Mickey is at. Naturally, Bernie chooses to sit next to him.

Bernie Boswell: Hi there, Mickey.

Mickey Tork: Hi, Boswell. Say, there are four other tables to sit at. Theyíre all empty, too. Why sit next to me?

Bernie Boswell: I want the company.

Mickey Tork: We can still talk, sitting at different tables, though.

Bernie Boswell: Eh, I like this way better. Have you seen my usual break buddy Adam?

Mickey Tork: Not since he got off carts. I assumed he went to the restroom, but he never came back. That was a half hour ago.

Bernie Boswell: Well sometimes you just gotta sit there until itís all out of your system. That can take a while.

Mickey Tork: Nasty! Iím eating. I donít want to think about people going to the bathroom.

Bernie Boswell: Sorry. Hey, did you hear Rob Jenkins is in love with Katie Collins?

Mickey Tork: Really? Adamís in love with her, too. I like Katie and all, but I donít see why every guy has to fall for her.

Bernie Boswell: I hear ya. Personally, I go more for Debbie Garfield from floral.

Mickey Tork: Sheís sixty-seven!

Bernie Boswell: Like a fine wine, she gets sexier with age.

Mickey Tork: (sarcastically) Yep, nothing sexier than old wine.

CUT TO: Professor Tincher and Masked Bagger are in the basement. Tincher is looking at the monitors. Masked Bagger is pacing around.

Masked Bagger: I canít stand this. I feel so helpless. I have to do something! Iíll never forgive myself if somethingís happened to her.

Professor Tincher: Simmer down, Adam. Iím doing this as fast as I can. I just donít see them anywhere in the store. UnlessÖ

Masked Bagger: Unless what?

Professor Tincher: Itís possible the Scrominians have built an underground lair.

Masked Bagger: Who?

Professor Tincher: The Scrominians. Theyíre an alien race who can build things incredibly fast. When I came to this store, there was no basement, but I hired them, and within the week, there was a basement. I wonder if they built more underground rooms.

Masked Bagger: Should I check under the meat department?

Professor Tincher: Itís worth a shot. After this, we should really go around and search the entire building for secret rooms and add them to the Kroger map.

Masked Bagger: Letís save Katie first.

Masked Bagger leaves the basement.

Professor Tincher: I believe I said ďafter this.Ē Of course weíd save Katie first.

CUT TO: Meat-Man standing by, waiting for the masked hero to arrive.

Meat-Man: When is he getting here? What kind of a slow superhero does this store have?

Masked Bagger arrives.

Masked Bagger: ďSlowĒ is *your* word, Meathead! I consider myself to be fashionably late. Actually, I just had a heck of a time finding this place. What, you couldnít kidnap Katie and hold her hostage in the meat department?

Meat-Man: Not how I operate. Now, you want to save Katie Collins? Come and get her!

Masked Bagger looks ahead and sees Meat-Man has set up a small obstacle course for him to go through before reaching Katie. Itís filled with meat cleavers, knives, and raw meat on the floor, to make it slippery. He then looks at Katie. Sheís tied up, and dangling over a giant meat grinder. She looks back at Masked Bagger with fear in her eyes.

Masked Bagger: Iím coming, Katie! Just hang on!

The magnificent man in a mask runs to save her. Suddenly, three meat cleavers are tossed in his direction. He dodges each of them. He runs a little further and a giant bone saw, standing upright, slides across the floor. Masked Bagger jumps out of the way. He continues walking when he slips on some raw meat on the floor. This turns out to have saved his life, because just as he fell, a big meat cleaver swung past where he would have been standing. He looks up and a set of knives fall from the ceiling. The hero rolls over and avoids getting stabbed. He then gets up and the obstacle course is over. Meat-Man pulls Masked Bagger aside.

Meat-Man: I know your secret.

Masked Bagger: What secret?

Meat-Man: I know who you really are.

Masked Bagger: Whoís that?

Meat-Man: Adam Hauck.

Masked Bagger: Um, no.

Meat-Man: Donít lie to me. I thought you were better than that.

Masked Bagger: Iím not about to admit to who I am under the mask.

Meat-Man: I saw you, er, Adam that is, run into the baggerís closet and YOU, The Masked Bagger, came out. Donít worry. I wonít tell Katie your secret, or sheíll just love you even more.

Masked Bagger: She loves me?

Meat-Man: Well yeah. I mean she went out on a date with you.

Masked Bagger: As friends.

Meat-Man: As friends? You mean you two arenít starting a relationship?

Masked Bagger: No.

Meat-Man: Then all of this was for nothing?

Masked Bagger: YeahÖ but this isnít.

Masked Bagger punches Meat-Man in the face. This time heís wearing rubber gloves, so his hands donít get messy. The villain falls over. He picks Meat-Man up by his jacket, and punches him again. The baddie falls back down. Just as Masked Bagger is about to do it again. Meat-Man hurls raw meat at him. It hits him in the face. As the hero is wiping it off, Meat-Man stands up. He pulls a wrapped pork loin from his pocket, and slaps Masked Bagger in the face as hard as he can. It hurts and momentarily stuns him.

Meat-Man: You and Katie may not be a couple, but I still have to kill you. I made a deal with a certain someone. I canít *not* do this. After I kill you, Iíll finish off our girl, too.

The Monstrous Meat-Man pulls a meat cleaver out of his other pocket and lifts it over his head, about to swing it at The Masked Bagger. The hero, in a quick decision, takes out his spray bottle and aims it at the cleaver.

Meat-Man: What are you doing?

Masked Bagger: If that nasty thing is gonna touch me, I want to make sure itís clean first. You can kill me, but at least let it be sanitary. I donít ask for much, you know.

Meat-Man: Thatís true. You donít. Spray it.

Masked Bagger sprays the cleaver, then quickly sprays Meat-Man in the eyes, distracting him while the 717 Guardian then uses both fists to punch the villain in the stomach. As he falls to the floor, Meat-Man throws the cleaver in the air. When it comes back down, it heads for Meat-Manís chest. Masked Bagger catches it with the blade just inches away from the villainís body.

Masked Bagger: I saw a villain die not too long ago. Thatís not my thing, but if you ever go near Katie again, youíre gonna get a whole lot more than thisÖ

Masked Bagger gets out his new bag-gun and shoots Meat-Man with it, capturing him in the giant bag. The man in a mask runs over to Katie, who is still dangling over the meat grinder. Just then, the rope gives, and she falls. Masked Bagger runs and risks his life by jumping across the grinder, catching her in his arms, and landing on the other side. It was dangerous, but Adam would rather die trying to save Katie, than to live without her. Sheís so grateful to him for saving her life, Katie kisses him on the cheek.

Katie Collins: Thanks, Puddiní.

Masked Bagger: Puddiní?

Thatís what she calls Adam. He begins to wonder if she knows his true identity.

Katie Collins: Yeah. Itís just something I call people sometimes.

Masked Bagger: Oh, so youíre loose with the word ďpuddiníĒ? You shouldnít be. When you say it, maybe a certain guy takes it to heart and thinks thatís his special nickname from you.

Katie Collins: Huh?

Masked Bagger: Nothing. Letís get out of here.

CUT TO: The Kroger Devil is in his hideout.

Kroger Devil: Jenkins failedÖ just like I knew he would. He doesnít have what it takes to defeat Masked Bagger. He was so pompous beckoning me, that I had to teach the moron a lesson. Donít worry, Jenkins. I have my own plans for killing Masked Bagger. Itís all in the timing.

Kroger Devilís pet snake, Jasper, slithers into the room.

Jasper the Snake: Are you talking to yourself again, Master?

Kroger Devil: Of course I am, you fool. Now slither on out of here and let me finish my monologue!

Jasper leaves the room.

Kroger Devil: (clears throat) I, uh, Tincher, or something. Great. Now I forgot what I was gonna say!

CUT TO: Masked Bagger walks down the stairs, dragging the bag with Meat-Man inside. Professor Tincher is sitting there.

Masked Bagger: You know, after battling Meat-Man, Iíve gotta say, Iím a vegetarian now.

Professor Tincher: Oh really?

Masked Bagger: Yup.

Tincher takes out a hot McDonaldís bag. Masked Bagger immediately looks at it.

Masked Bagger: Whatís that?

Professor Tincher: Itís a Quarter Pounder with cheese, plain. Just the way you like it, if I remember correctly. Iíd offer it to you, but that would be an insult. You are, after all, a vegetarian.

Masked Bagger: Can I have it?

Professor Tincher: What about being a vegetarian?

Masked Bagger: I just meant I wonít go out and hunt animals to eat. Uh, meat thatís already prepared for me, though, such as restaurant food, well, thatís a different thing. Now did you get any nuggets with that?

Professor Tincher: Theyíre called ďMcNuggetsĒ and of course I did.

Masked Bagger: McGimme!

Masked Bagger snatches the bag of McDonaldís food from Tincherís hand, and runs off with it. The professor laughs.

CUT TO: Up front. Adam is bagging when he sees Katie walk past. He leaves the order to go over to her and talk.

Adam Hauck: Hi Katie!

Katie Collins: Oh, whatís up?

Adam Hauck: Nothing with me. You had quite the adventure though.

Katie Collins: Yeah, I did. Good thing Masked Bagger was there to save me.

Adam Hauck: Yeah. Good thing.

Katie Collins: Well, peace out.

Katie walks away. Just then, Mickey Tork comes over and puts his arm around Adam. Adam is uncomfortable.

Adam Hauck: Why are you touching me?

Mickey Tork: Adam, Adam, Adam. You struck out with Katie.

Adam Hauck: What do you mean?

Mickey Tork: Katie wanted *you* to save her.

Adam Hauck: Why would I save her? We have an in-store superhero.

Mickey Tork: Doesnít matter. She knows you like her. She was held hostage and you were nowhere to be found. You could have at least been there with Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: So sheís mad at me?

Mickey Tork: No, I donít think so. Disappointed, maybe. Youíre no longer a man in her eyes.

Adam Hauck: I was a man in her eyes? I never knew that!

Mickey Tork: Sorry.

Mickey walks away. Adam stands there, looking like he could cry.

Adam Hauck: Iíll never forget that kiss on the cheek she gave me. Oh well, I imagine things canít get any worse.

CUT TO: The basement lab. Adam is down there. Professor Tincher enters.

Adam Hauck: Professor, when I incarcerated Meat-Man earlier, I noticed that weíre getting quite the collection of super villains: Meat-Man, Salt-Man, Pineapple-Man. Whoever comes up with these names really needs to get more creative.

Professor Tincher: Yeah.

Adam Hauck: You seem upset.

Professor Tincher: I have some bad news.

Adam Hauck: What?

Professor Tincher: Iíve been transferred. I have to leave 717.

Adam Hauck: What? Why?

Professor Tincher: Store managers get transferred all the time.

Adam Hauck: But youíre more than a store manager.

Professor Tincher: Not in the eyes of Kroger apparently. I was lucky to stay here as long as I have.

Adam Hauck: I guess I kinda thought you owned the building or corporate knows who you really are or something.

Professor Tincher: I made this store my home, but now itís time to leave. I will work on a way to come back though. Until then, Iím gonna live with my brother, so all of my things can stay here. Hopefully I can get all this straightened out and return.

Adam Hauck: What am I gonna do without you?

Professor Tincher: Youíll be fine. Iíll come by from time to time to check up on you and see how youíre doing Masked Bagger-wise.

Adam Hauck: Iíll miss you. When are you leaving?

Professor Tincher: Right now.

Adam Hauck: Right now? No party or anything? No cake?

Professor Tincher: No. I donít want to make a big deal out of this.

Adam Hauck: Well goodbye, Professor.

Professor Tincher: Goodbye, Adam.

They both hug.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-16-2017 at 11:41 AM.
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Old 03-30-2017, 11:31 AM   #13
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EPISODE #6. The New Manager

Masked Bagger alias Adam Hauck
Professor Tincher
Katie Collins
Mickey Tork

Guest Starring:
Mr. Hyatt [pictured below]
Kroger Devil
Hailie Morgan
Bernie Boswell
Retro Masked Bagger [pictured below]
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Old 03-30-2017, 11:34 AM   #14
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Join Date: Sep 11, 2002
Location: Springfield, Ohio
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EPISODE #6. The New Manager

Originally Released on September 5th, 2013

Once Again, Our StoryÖ

A strange man walks down a cold, dark hallway with a letter in his hand. Once he reaches the end of the hallway, he stops in front of a door, and opens it. Professor Tincher is inside the room, which resembles a dungeon greatly. Thereís no furniture, and Tincher is sitting on the floor.

Strange Man: Hereís a letter for you, Tincher. You can read it, but you canít respond to it.

Tincher is handed the letter and then the man turns around and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. The Professor opens the letter and reads it.

Dear Professor Tincher,

Adam here. Itís been over a month that youíve been away and I miss you. You never come to visit. I thought you were gonna come to visit. I wish I wasnít here anymore. The new boss, Mr. Hyatt, is a complete tool. Everyone hates him. We all want you back. Plus, I was driving the Bagger-Mobile, and it suddenly broke down in front of a bunch of customers. It made me look like an idiot. I kind of bounced forward outta my seat. Girls laughed. I was mortified. I donít even know how to fix it. Who would I take it to, to get it fixed? I always assumed you were the chief mechanic for it. Well anyways, Iím sending you this letter because for some reason, youíre not responding to my texts and your Facebook page hasnít been updated since you joined. Seriously, why even have a page on there if youíre not gonna update it?

Changes have been made. Hyatt has implemented a new e-schedule for the store. Itís terrible. No one likes it. Iím starting to think that the ďeĒ in e-schedule stands for ďevil.Ē Pretty sure that because our hours have been cut, Hyattís been given a raise, too. He made Mickey the store cleaner. Katie only works one day this week. Sheís talking about quitting! Bernie Boswell has found religion - only itís one he made up, Boswellity. Thatís got nothing to do with the new boss, but I just had to tell you that! Crazy, huh? Rob Jenkins (Meat-Man) has asked for a conjugal visit from Katie. Of course, I said no.

Okay, well thatís it for now. Iíll talk to you later, hopefully. Take care.

Sincerely the Guardian of 717, Masked Bagger

Tincher sighs, wishing he could be back at his old store, and not in a cold dungeon.

CUT TO: Adam is doing re-shops. Mr. Hyatt walks over to him.

Mr. Hyatt: Are you making a career out of that?

Adam Hauck: Huh?

Mr. Hyatt: Hurry it up. Iíve got some more stuff for you to do after re-shops.

Adam Hauck: Okay.

Mr. Hyatt: Okay? Okay what?

Adam Hauck: Okay, SIR!

Mr. Hyatt: Youíve had an attitude problem ever since I came to this store.

Adam Hauck: (sarcastic) Hmm, I wonder if thereís any connection?

Mr. Hyatt: Watch it, Adam! You know, itís not just me. Iíve had a couple customer complaints about you.

Adam Hauck: Sure, all the good things I do, not one customer gives a compliment. Theyíre all so quick to mention when I mess up though.

Mr. Hyatt: You need to be lovely to customers.

Adam Hauck: I am very lovely to customers. Most of them think Iím down right lovable!

Adam spots a woman with a big belly. He goes up to her.

Adam Hauck: Hello there maíam. Howís your shopping experience at Kroger so far?

Woman: Just fine. Thanks for asking.

Adam Hauck: No problem. So whenís the baby due?

Woman: Baby? (angry) Iím not pregnant!

Adam Hauck: (scared) Iím sorry. I just assumed because of your big bel, uh, I mean you have this glow about you.

Woman: I gotta say my shopping experience just took a beating.

The woman walks away mad. Adam nervously turns to Mr. Hyatt.

Mr. Hyatt: Was that an example of your loveliness to customers?

Adam Hauck: Kinda.

Mr. Hyatt: Epic fail.

Suddenly, a giant bird-man swoops down and picks up a little 5-year-old girl with his claws and flies off with her. Adam looks at Hyatt, who doesnít seem to care about what has just happened.

Adam Hauck: I gotta goÖ bag something!

Adam runs in the opposite direction of the bird in order to get to the baggerís closet and change into The Masked Bagger.

Adam Hauck: (to himself) If only you gave me a morpher, Professor, I wouldnít have to run to the baggerís closet right now.

He enters the closet and then changes identities. As that magnificent man in a mask, he goes in search of the little girl and the big bird (not the one from Sesame Street). After a few moments, he spots them, takes out his cart strap and hurls it at the bird-manís leg, hoping to connect to it.

CUT TO: The break room. Katie and Hailie are sitting together at a table, chatting.

Katie Collins: Heís great.

Hailie Morgan: Girl, that be sweet. Say how long have we been up here, anyway?

Katie Collins: (looks at cell phone) Itís just now been fifteen minutes.

Just then, Mr. Hyattís voice comes over the intercom.

Mr. Hyattís Voice: Katie Collins and Hailie Morgan to customer service. Your break is over. I repeat, your break is over.

Katie Collins: Ugh, I HATE Mr. Hyatt!

Hailie Morgan: Yeah, that weasel has nothing better to do than watch the time for our break.

Mickey Tork enters the break room with some cleaning supplies.

Mickey Tork: You girls better get moving. Mr. Hyatt doesnít want to page you again.

Katie Collins: Are you his lackey?

Mickey Tork: No, but I respect the man. Heís done a great job here lately. Really turned the store around. Iím no longer a bagger, and thatís all thanks to my main man Hyatt.

Suddenly, the bird-man with the little girl still clutched in his claws, and Masked Bagger hanging on by a cart strap attached to its leg, flies into the break room. Hailie and Mickey scream. The bird-man flies in circles as he doesnít see a way out.

Masked Bagger: (still attached to the bird-man) Hello everyone. How are you doing today?

Katie Collins: Okay.

Masked Bagger: Do me a favor and grab the girl.

Katie reaches up when the bird-man flies over her, and grabs the little girl, pulling her down. Sheís safe.

Masked Bagger: Great work, Katie. Now take her downstairs to her mother.

Katie Collins: Donít keep telling me what to do.

Masked Bagger: Fine, DONíT take the girl downstairs to her mother.

Katie Collins: Oh yeah? Iím taking this little girl down to her mother.

Katie and the girl go downstairs, while Hailie and Mickey hide in the corner. The bird-man, with Masked Bagger still hanging on, flies through the big window. Amazingly, it breaks through the glass, and makes it outside. The impact of the glass killed the bird, and it vanishes, leaving Masked Bagger up in the sky, about to fall to his death.

Masked Bagger: And to think, I almost called off today.

CUT TO: Back in Tincherís dungeon. The strange man who handed him the letter returns. Tincher is asleep on the floor. The man kicks him in the ribs and wakes him up.

Professor Tincher: What do you want?

Strange Man: Itís time for revelations.

Professor Tincher: This a church service?

Strange Man: No. Youíre going to find out whatís going on here.

Professor Tincher: What *is* going on here?

The ďstrangeĒ man morphs into The Kroger Devil. Tincher is shocked, but he still doesnít know who heís looking at.

Professor Tincher: What the devil?

Kroger Devil: *Kroger* Devil to be exact.

Professor Tincher: Kroger Devil? So youíre not just a legend like many believe, but an actual entity.

Kroger Devil: You catch on fast. You and I go way back, and you donít even know it. Iíve been around since the creation of Kroger itself.

Professor Tincher: Why am I here? What do you want with me?

Kroger Devil: Donít ya want to hear my story?

Professor Tincher: Not particularly.

Kroger Devil: I had to get you away from 717 for a while so I could plant a new boss there. Heís evil. The only reason Iím keeping you alive is because I can use you for leverage to get at The Masked BaggerÖ and the thing is, I can keep you alive for years.

Professor Tincher: But he doesnít know Iím here.

Kroger Devil: Oh but he will. I have a plan in motion, Tinchy.

Professor Tincher: If youíre so powerful, why do all of this just to get at him? Destroy him from where youíre standing right now.

Kroger Devil: You donít know how things work, do you? I know I will win in the end. That is a fact. The fun is in the game. Screwing with people. Hurting people. Itís all part of my overall scheme for fun. I know how it ends. Iím just having a ball until then.

Professor Tincher: I am so stupid. I should have known something was up when I got transferred to Kroger store 666.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger is laying dead on the Kroger parking lot. It was a good run that was sadly cut short.


Masked Bagger was merely imagining what it would be like if he had hit the ground and died. In reality, he was inside the bird-menís nest. One of them had swooped by and rescued him for reasons unknown to the 717 Guardian.

Masked Bagger: Iíve got to get back to the store. Itís time for Adam to take a break!

Masked Bagger slides down the pole, which is holding up the nest. Once heís on the ground, he enters the store. He hears a page on the intercom.

Mr. Hyattís Voice: Masked Bagger to the managerís office. Masked Bagger to the managerís office.

CUT TO: Masked Bagger enters Mr. Hyattís office. Hyatt is sitting at his desk.

Masked Bagger: You wanted to see me, sir?

Mr. Hyatt: Yes I did, Mr. Bagger.

Masked Bagger: Please, no formalities. Just call me ďMasked.Ē

Mr. Hyatt: I wonít be calling you anytime soon. Youíre fired.

Masked Bagger: Fired? But why?

Mr. Hyatt: That weakling Tincher may have needed a superhero to keep him safe in this store, but I certainly do not. I can handle any problem that comes up all by myself. I gave you a secret trial period and youíre just not necessary. So thank you for your time here, but your services are no longer needed. Now be gone. If I see you on these premises again, I will call the cops and have you arrested.

Masked Bagger: With all due respect, youíre off your rocker.

Mr. Hyatt: How dare you say that to me?

Masked Bagger: What? I said ďwith all due respect.Ē

Mr. Hyatt: That doesnít take away the sting of your insult. Remove your mask. I want to fire your secret identity, too!

Masked Bagger: No.

Mr. Hyatt: Do it!

Masked Bagger: Youíre not my boss anymore, so you canít order me to do anything.

Mr. Hyatt: Dang it. You got me there.

Masked Bagger slowly turns around, expecting Hyatt to shout or throw something at him. When he doesnít, the former 717 Guardian walks out of Hyattís office. Hyatt then picks up the phone.

Mr. Hyatt: Letís do this. Bring in the birds.

CUT TO: Adam is in the basement lab, packing up his Masked Bagger outfit.

Adam Hauck: (sighs) The end of an era. I know I canít stop being Masked Bagger, but I donít know how I can keep it going if the cops come to arrest me. I wish you were here right now, Professor.

CUT TO: Kroger store 666, Tincherís dungeon. Heís laying there, staring off into nowhere. He hears a noise and looks over. Jasper the Snake slithers up next to Tincher.

Professor Tincher: (nervous) Hey there. What brings you my way?

Jasper the Snake: Iím here to help you.

Professor Tincher: Um, youíre talking!

Jasper the Snake: This is true.

Professor Tincher: Okay. Iíve officially slipped into a Disney dimension.

Jasper the Snake: Next time Kroger Devil enters, slice off his tail with this sword.

The snake rolls over, exposing a sword taped to his body. Tincher removes it and holds the sword in his hand.

Professor Tincher: Why his tail? Iíll just stab him in the heart.

Jasper the Snake: He doesnít have a heart. Slicing the tail wonít kill him, but will render him helpless for a good ten minutes. That will be plenty of time for you to get out of this place and take back your store, which is currently being attacked by Hyatt and the bird-men.

CUT TO: Kroger 717 - all the customers are running around in a panic as the bird-men fly around the store, bullying them. Itís total chaos. Many of the employees have left the building and those remaining - including Katie, Mickey, Hailie, Bernie, and of course Adam - are being attacked by the bird-men. Adam fights some but then is slammed against a wall, hitting his head and is knocked out.

CUT TO: Tincher is sitting in the dungeon, hiding the sword behind his back. Kroger Devil enters.

Kroger Devil: Itís total chaos at good olí 717. Iím about to send word to your friend The Masked Bagger of your whereabouts. Anything else you want me to tell him?

Professor Tincher: No thanksÖ

Kroger Devil turns around to exit. Tincher quickly takes the sword and swings it at the evil freak, slicing his tail clean off. Kroger Devil drops to the floor and starts convulsing.

Professor Tincher: Iíll tell him myself!

Tincher runs out of the dungeon, and makes his way outside of the building - the first time in almost two months!

CUT TO: A room in the basement referred to as the cellar. Adam, Katie, Mickey, Hailie, and Bernie are all trapped inside a giant birdcage, hanging from the ceiling. Hyatt and the bird-men watch and laugh, thinking theyíve won.

Mr. Hyatt: You are the only ones left in the building. Everyone else has run off. Even your fearless hero. Yep, The Masked Bagger is history, and soon you fine employees will be joining him in being referred to in the past tense.

Adam Hauck: What are you going to do to us, Hyatt?

Mr. Hyatt: First Iíll insult your big belly by asking when the babyís due. Then Iíll leave you all hanging there until each of you die of thirst. It will be a rather ugly sight, and will take around three days and lucky me, I have all the time to watch.

Katie Collins: The Masked Bagger ainít history! He WILL come to rescue us. I believe that with all my heart!

Adam looks at her and is ashamed of himself, knowing that thereís no way The Masked Bagger can rescue them. Hailie then bangs her foot on one of the bars.

Hailie Morgan: Ouch! My toe be hurtiní.

Mickey Tork: Guys, Iím scared.

Bernie Boswell: How do you think *I* feel? My religion prohibits me from dying. Therefore I will literally be sitting in this cage with a bunch of dead bodies for the rest of time. And to think, my biggest problem before this was when they totally botched the DVD release of the first two seasons of ďBaywatchĒ. I was such a fool before Boswellity.

Katie Collins: (sarcastically) Yeah, *before* Boswellity.

Professor Tincher enters Kroger 717, only to find it empty.

Professor Tincher: Hello. Is anybody here?

No response.

Professor Tincher: Is this an episode of ďThe Twilight ZoneĒ? I thought there was a huge battle being fought here.

He heads for the basement, hoping to find Masked Bagger there. Once he arrives, Tincher finds the basement empty as well.

Professor Tincher: This canít be happening. Where is everybody? Could it be that theyíve allÖ perished?

Tincher checks all the monitors, including one to the cellar. He sees whatís going on in there and becomes enraged - and happy, of course, to see them all alive. Professor Tincher goes to his closet, slides open the door, digs through some clothes until he finds his original Masked Bagger outfit. He pulls it out of the closet and looks at it.

Professor Tincher: Itís been a while, but itís time to once again bag us a bad guy.

CUT TO: Back to the cellar. Hyatt is torturing the employees with his words.

Mr. Hyatt: Look at it this way, with all of you dead, you wonít have to deal with the pesky e-schedule, hahaha!

Mickey Tork: Iím starting to think youíre not a very good boss.

Mr. Hyatt: My job is to take down this store to the point where the employees become unhinged.

Adam Hauck: Whoís behind this? Who gave you that job?

Mr. Hyatt: That would be the Kroger Devil. Oh, and your old boss, Tincher, has been imprisoned for the past two months in the Kroger Devilís lair. His transfer was all part of an evil scheme.

Adam Hauck: No!

Suddenly, The Masked Bagger enters the cellar. Only, itís really Tincher in his old outfit and the sword, so the employees donít immediately catch on to who heís supposed to be.

Retro Masked Bagger: Release them, Hyatt!

Mr. Hyatt turns around to see the masked figure standing there.

Mr. Hyatt: Who are you supposed to be?

Retro Masked Bagger: I am The Masked Bagger!

Mr. Hyatt: Youíre not The Masked Bagger.

Retro Masked Bagger: Oh but I am!

Mr. Hyatt: The Masked Bagger has brown hairÖ like Adam!

Hyatt points to Adam, making him nervous thinking everyone will suspect his true identity. No one does.

Retro Masked Bagger: Iím the Retro Masked Bagger. Iím kickiní it old school today.

Mr. Hyatt: Youíve never carried a sword before.

Retro Masked Bagger: What, did you just read the history of The Masked Bagger online or something?

The sword disintegrates. Everyone - except Hyatt - look confused.

Mr. Hyatt: There. Now it will be a fair fight.

Retro Masked Bagger: I donít understand.

Mr. Hyatt: I do, and now I know who you areÖ Professor Stan Tincher!

Adam Hauck: (to himself) Oh no, his secret is out. Brooke Montgomery is gonna die again!

Retro Masked Bagger: (to Hyatt) How do you know who I am?

Mr. Hyatt: Iím in on his plan, and you coming here with that sword confirmed your identity. Letís fight!

Tincher punches Hyatt in the face, causing him to fall back a little. Hyatt then swings his own kind of punch by sayingÖ

Mr. Hyatt: You gonna make a career outta that?

Those words hurts Tincher as if it was a physical punch. He falls back.

Mr. Hyatt: Is that all the work youíve done today?

Again, it hurts Tincher like a punch to the face. He takes another swing at the villain, landing a blow to his jaw.

Mr. Hyatt: Ouch! But youíll have to do better than that to defeat me. (he clears his throat) Iím scheduling you less hours, will call you up front to run a register every half hour, and still expect you to get more work done than usual!

This strikes Tincher like a gut punch. He doubles over in pain. Hyatt then kicks him in the face, and Tincher flies back and lands on his butt. As he lays there, four of the bird-men come over to him. Two each grab a hand, and the other two each grab a foot. The four fly away with the ďRetro Masked Bagger.Ē

Mr. Hyatt: You canít beat a manager. I screw you over and get a raise because of it!

CUT TO: The Kroger Devil in the dungeon. He has a tail again. Jasper the Snake slithers up to him.

Jasper the Snake: We did it, Master.

Kroger Devil: My tail grew back nicely. You did a good job with Tincher. He thinks he escaped on his own. Little does he know it was all part of my plan. Hahahahahahaha!

Jasper the Snake: Everything is funny to you, Master.

Kroger Devil: Itís all part of being evil. We laugh a lot.

CUT TO: The birds have Tincher (still in costume) in their big nest. He decides to trick them, knowing they love being evil.

Retro Masked Bagger: Excuse me, birds, but youíve made a huge mistake. It is I - The Masked Bagger - who is taking over the store. I need your help in destroying it and Hyatt, the manager. Fly me back down and letís attack that goody-goody Hyatt.

Bird-Man #1: I love that. Letís go!

CUT TO: The cellar of 717. The employees are still in the giant cage. Hyatt is overjoyed, thinking heís won.

Mr. Hyatt: Iím overjoyed! I won! The Kroger Devil will be so pleased to know his plan worked.

Very quietly, one of the bird-men heads over to the cage and unlocks it, freeing the hostages. They all slowly get out as not to cause attention to themselves. While the four stand by, Adam very quietly leaves the room and then runs over to the basement lab, and changes into The Masked Bagger. Back in the cellar, Tincher returns.

Retro Masked Bagger: Iím back. You canít keep a good bagger down!

Adamís Masked Bagger enters.

Masked Bagger: Or up. Because you were flown up by the birds.

Retro Masked Bagger: Exactly. So we finally meet. The Masked Bagger of the Ď90s and of today.

Masked Bagger: This is a special moment, but whatís say we kick some management butt!?!

Retro Masked Bagger: Sounds good to me.

Mr. Hyatt: This is an outrage! I fired you!

Masked Bagger: Turns out, you donít have the authority for that.

The 717 Guardian lunges at Hyatt and punches him in the face five times. Everyone watches as their boss gets beat up. Masked Bagger grabs Hyatt by the collar of his shirt.

Masked Bagger: That was five punches. One for each of the employees you captured and planned to kill. Retro, reach into my holster and take out my bag-gun.

Retro Masked Bagger walks up to him and does as heís instructed. Masked Bagger pushes Hyatt away from him.

Masked Bagger: Now!

Retro Masked Bagger shoots the bag-gun, which releases a giant Kroger bag, and captures Hyatt. The day is saved! Katie looks around.

Katie Collins: Hey, Adamís gone. Iím getting real sick of this cowardly bit. Heís gotta man up.

Masked Bagger: Okay first of all, Adam came and got me. I told him to stay there. Secondly, ďman upĒ? What, did he get you pregnant and now wonít help out with the baby or something?

Katie Collins: Imma need you to chill.

CUT TO: The staff are throwing Tincher a ďWelcome BackĒ party in his office. This includes Adam, Katie, Mickey, Hailie, Bernie and of course, Tincher.

Professor Tincher: This is great, guys. Thank you. A couple of announcements. First up, the e-schedule is out of here, and secondly, Katie, youíll go back to getting forty hours a week, so you wonít have to quit Kroger.

Katie Collins: Sweet. Thanks.

Mickey Tork: Weíre glad to have you back, Chief.

Katie Collins: I thought you loved Mr. Hyatt so much, Mick.

Mickey Tork: I just liked being the cleaner. I was more mobile than the average bagger.

Professor Tincher: You can remain being the cleaner, Mickey.

Mickey Tork: Thanks, Mr. T.

Professor Tincher: Youíre welcome, and I pity the fool who makes a big mess for you.

No one gets Tincherís reference to Mister T except for Adam, who just didnít find it funny.

CUT TO: A little bit later, after the party. Adam and Professor Tincher are in the basement lab.

Adam Hauck: Here we are, together again. Itís great. I didnít realize quite how much you meant to me until you were gone. Iíd say more but I donít like to get all sappy.

Professor Tincher: Family and friends are important. So Iíve decided to introduce you to the teleporter. With this, you will be able to travel back home. You just set in an amount of time and it will send you home and bring you back all within the time you entered.

Adam Hauck: Uh, thanks Professor, but I already discovered this a while ago. Iíve been going home every Tuesday for months now. I mean, I have to bowl with my friends.

Professor Tincher: Donít they ask you all sorts of Masked Bagger questions?

Adam Hauck: No. I never told my friends and co-workers about the dimension traveling. They all think I just went to 3rd shift. So my original goodbye to them was because I would be asleep while theyíre awake, thus barely seeing each other again.

Professor Tincher: Hmm, well then.

Adam Hauck: Say, how come you never started the e-schedule?

Professor Tincher: I think itís a terrible idea, and you would have to be a buffoon to start it. The staff morale is important, and I always knew e-schedule would destroy the morale in the store. Like I say, Iíll be getting rid of it.

Adam Hauck: Awesome. Itís great to have you back, Professor. The store wasnít the same without you.

Professor Tincher: Thank you, Adam. Itís great to be back. ďBe it ever so humble, thereís no place like home.Ē

Adam Hauck: ďWizard of Oz.Ē right?

Professor Tincher: Actually itís from the song ďHome! Sweet! Home!Ē written by John Howard Payne in 1822.

Adam Hauck: Wow. Knowledge of something other than comics. Iím impressed.

Professor Tincher: Donít be. I just looked it up on the internet a little bit ago, and was hoping to use it. Oh, I almost forgot to mention. The Masked Bagger is officially rehired.

Adam Hauck: Great! Uh-oh. My spider-sense is tingling.

Professor Tincher: You donít have ďspider-sense.Ē

Adam Hauck: Well then what *is* that?

Professor Tincher: Thereís an actual spider crawling on your head!

Adam screams and runs off. Tincher watches in amazement as the crazy guardian of 717 acts like a cowardly maniac.

Professor Tincher: (smiles) Yep. I definitely missed this place.


Last edited by Adamantium; 07-17-2017 at 03:31 PM.
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Old 03-31-2017, 11:34 AM   #15
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On the next page will be more Masked Bagger goodness, with the last four episodes of the first season (each season is ten episodes). Enjoy! And feel free to comment.
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