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Old 04-26-2016, 04:36 PM   #1
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Default The Andy Griffith Show Quotes & Funny Lines

Post your favorite quotes and funny lines from The Andy Griffith Show.

Andy & Otis quotes/lines:
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Old 04-26-2016, 04:37 PM   #2
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An Andy & Barney quote/line:
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Old 04-27-2016, 04:09 PM   #3
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A Barney Fife quote:
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Old 04-27-2016, 04:10 PM   #4
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Another Barney quote:
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Old 04-28-2016, 05:07 PM   #5
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An Ernest T. Bass & Andy Taylor quote/line:

Ernest T. Bass: I'm no account, Andy. I'm no-count.
Sheriff Andy Taylor: You're not no-count, Earnest. You're just... ignorant, that's all.
Ernest T. Bass: Aw, you're being kind.
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Old 04-28-2016, 05:08 PM   #6
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An Ernest T. Bass & Helen Crump quote/line:

Helen Crump: [in front of the 5th grade class] Mr. Bass, return to your seat!
Ernest T. Bass: Okay. Can I tell you somethin' before I do?
Helen Crump: What is it?
Ernest T. Bass: I *love* you.
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Old 05-29-2016, 11:18 PM   #7
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Briscoe Darling: "You got time to breathe, you got time for music."

Andy: "If you ask me, this Ernest T. Bass is a strange and weird character."
Briscoe: "Juuuust plaaain ornery is what he is."
Barney: "I think he's a nuut."
-------------------------------
Barney: "There's only two kinds of cops!...The quick, and the dead."

Andy: "You're a fine son, Barn."
Barney: "I try."

Andy: "I'll take care of it."
Barney: "Only one way to take care of it."
Andy: "Nip it."
Barney: "In the bud."

Andy: "There goes a happy man."
Barney: "There goes a happy nut."
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"Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd
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Old 07-14-2016, 07:02 PM   #8
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Ernest T. Bass - "I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy."
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Old 07-31-2016, 10:01 PM   #9
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Barney (to Andy): "...they're hick songs. And this is a hick town, and I'm a hick deputy doin' a hick job in a hick jail."

Andy: "When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's gettin' might - might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they would respect me."
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Old 02-18-2017, 10:45 PM   #10
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Otis: "I'm in the twilight zone."
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Old 05-01-2017, 02:07 PM   #11
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Gomer: "My cousin Goober ain't stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid."
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Old 05-01-2017, 04:06 PM   #12
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Sheriff Taylor - "Now I'm warning you, if you throw one more rock...."
Ernest T. Bass - "I promise you Sheriff, I won't throw one more rock."
(Andy walks away)
Ernest T. Bass - "Didn't say nothin' 'bout no brick!"
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Old 05-04-2017, 06:36 PM   #13
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Barney Fife: Why don't you go set in the grocery store so we can all know you are the big cheese?
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Old 05-05-2017, 06:21 PM   #14
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Barney: "That's my trigger finger, you damage that and I might as well quit the business."
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Old 05-07-2017, 02:54 AM   #15
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Ernest T. Bass: "HOW DO YOU DO MISS-US WI-LEY?"

Briscoe Darling: "Got time fer breathin' ya got time fer music."
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the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.

Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."
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