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The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes (Blu-ray)
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The Honeymooners - Classic 39 Episodes
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The Honeymooners: Lost Episodes 1951-1957 (The Complete Restored Series)
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The Color Honeymooners - Collection 2
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Old 02-18-2018, 09:13 AM   #1246
Frank Gannucci
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Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,060
Default

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel Part 2":

(Aunt Ethel and Fred are alone in the kitchen. A record is being played.)

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Howdy folks. I heard the phonograph playing. I thought you would like some of my records better. Here is a good one."

(Ed puts it on.)

(Loud big band music plays. Ed dances to it.)

(Ralph comes out and takes Ed's record off.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ed is hypnotized. He sees Ralph.)

Ed: "Look out. There's a whale in the sewer. It's Moby Dick."

Ralph: "If he wasn't under a spell, I would fracture his skull."

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Trixie: "Ed, that's very encouraging that you sold to your last custumer. Maybe after talking to all those people, you found the right thing to say. Did you remember what you said to that last custumer?"

Ed: "Sure I do. I said: 'Mama, you just got to buy this iron.'"

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"Oh My Aching Back":

Ralph: "This is serious, Norton! Not only that my back hurts, but, I'm half hot and I'm half cold! My head is red hot and my feet are ice cold! Do you know what it is to have a hot head and cold feet?"

Norton: "I get that way any August day in the sewer during high tide."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Ed just won himself a TV using a movie theater ticket that Ralph got for him.)

Ed: "It's just like the guys said: 'A lesser man would have said: 'I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me.''"

Ralph: "I bought the ticket. The set belongs to me."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "Are the guys coming to pick you up?"

Ed: "Yeah."

Ralph: "Can you give me a lift?"

Ed: "Sure. Always room for two more."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "Since I found out that I am Taurus The Bull, I have become a new man."

Alice: "You may be a new man, but it's the same old bull."

"Without Reservations":

Stan: "Are there any openings at the bus depot?"

Ralph: "No."

Stan: "Then how do you get in the building?"
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:05 AM   #1247
Frank Gannucci
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Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,060
Default President's Day Quotes:

"Ralph's Big Mouth" (aka "Mind Your Own Business"):

Ralph: "Norton, you play gin rummy your way and I will play gin rummy my way. My way is the scientific way - it takes a lot of figuring. For instance, I noticed that you picked up a queen, and I know you picked it up to make a run of three queens. I also know that you have a run of clubs. I also noticed that you threw away two sevens. Therefore, you couldn't possibly use the card I'm about to throw down which is a seven of spades. That's scientific figuring!"

Ed (showing his cards): "That's ever-lovin' gin!"

"Box Top Kid Part 1":

(Ralph is trying to participate in a contest where you have to guess the name of a U.S. President.)

Ralph: "There is a picutre of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton."

Ed: "I know who it is. Eisenhower."

Ralph: "Eisenhower?"

Ed: "There's a picture of a woman washing and there's a picture of a ton. Washington. Who's in Washington right now? Eisenhower."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "I am just like Washington at Valley Forge."

Alice: "Not exactly Ralph. George didn't have Martha with him."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

(Alice is upset that Ralph brought home a lot of boxes because he wants to enter every single contest that every box has just so he can win something big.)

Ralph: "Fix my dinner."

Alice: "Fix it yourself. Go fix yourself some Happy Hound Meatballs."

"Two For The Money":

Ralph: "How many holdups have I had on the bus?"

Alice: "Six."

Ralph: "Well, in most of them, the criminals got nothing."

Alice: "The sixth time was a dozzy. They took $45 and the bus."

Ralph: "I have been driving a bus for 15 years and because I lose one bus, you got to hold it over my head."

"Brother Ralph":

Ralph: "You don't know how to handle money."

Alice: "Of course not. I never had any practice."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ed just explained the whacky rules of a card game called Knuckle-Knuckle.)

Ed: "The important thing about this game is that all the wet cards are wild."

Ralph: "All the wet cards are wild? What wet cards?"

Ed: "Well, we usually play this game down in the sewer."

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

(Ralph and Ed arrive in the Kramdens apartment. Ralph thinks that Alice is asleep in the bedroom.)

Ralph (whispering): "Shhh! Alice is asleep."

Ed: "What's that Ralph?"

Ralph (whispering): "I said that Alice is asleep."

Ed: "I can't hear you."

Alice (from bedroom): "He said: 'Shhh! Alice is asleep.'"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

(Nick and another man see Ralph so they can get him a job in which he will be killed.)

Ralph: "I have been driving for the Gotham Bus Company for 14 years and I hate to leave that job if this job wasn't steady."

Nick: "Steady?"

Man: "I'll tell you, you will have this job for as long as you live."
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