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Old 06-21-2018, 08:40 PM   #871
Penny Lane
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Old 06-21-2018, 09:09 PM   #872
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What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy
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Old 06-25-2018, 02:52 PM   #873
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A blonde joke - "Now I know why I’m so fat. My shampoo bottle says “Adds fullness and volume!"
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Old 06-25-2018, 02:58 PM   #874
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Q: Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they’re shellfish!
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Old 06-26-2018, 09:10 PM   #875
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"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it."
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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
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Old 06-27-2018, 12:42 PM   #876
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesG View Post
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
Love them
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:08 PM   #877
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What's the Difference Between a Fighter Pilot and a Fighter Jet?

The Jet stops whining when the engines are shut off.
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:10 PM   #878
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What does the sun drink out of? – Sunglasses.
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Old 07-26-2018, 03:52 PM   #879
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Old 07-27-2018, 09:39 AM   #880
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Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla my dreams!
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Old 07-30-2018, 07:03 PM   #881
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Quote:
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Good one!
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Old 07-30-2018, 07:05 PM   #882
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Did you hear about the dog who couldn't stop talking like a horse?

It was a real dog and pony show.
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Old 07-31-2018, 06:59 AM   #883
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Where do math teachers go on vacation? To Times Square.
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Old 09-02-2018, 05:26 PM   #884
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Default Tell A Joke!

Tell a funny joke!!

~

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a Genie, who grants them each, one wish. The first guy, wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy, wishes the same. The third guy says: "I'm lonely! I wish my friends were back here!"
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Old 09-06-2018, 06:20 AM   #885
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Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
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