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Old 06-23-2018, 01:18 PM   #16
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Oliver: (to Eb)"I'M NOT YOUR DAD!"
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Old 06-23-2018, 01:36 PM   #17
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Sam Drucker: How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?

Oliver Douglas: A dehydrated chicken?

Sam Drucker: Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken.

Oliver Douglas: That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:23 PM   #18
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Lisa: "Why do you want to irritate your corn?"
Oliver: "Irrigate. It means put water on it."
Lisa: "Won't that irritate it?"
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:28 PM   #19
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"[the Douglases are looking for clothes to donate to a rummage sale]
Oliver Douglas: Why don't we give away this one?
Lisa Douglas: No that's the dress I graduated from high school in.
Oliver Douglas: How about this one?
Lisa Douglas: That's the dress I wore the first day of college.
Oliver Douglas: [holding a black, low-cut dress] What about this one?
Lisa Douglas: That's the one I got expelled in."
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Old 06-27-2018, 05:35 PM   #20
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A Ralph Monroe quote:
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Old 06-27-2018, 06:00 PM   #21
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Eustace Charleton Haney: [as he and Mr. Ziffel are going into Oliver's house] Make sure you wipe yer feet.

Fred Ziffel: You don't ever wipe YOUR feet!

Eustace Charleton Haney: That's 'cause I don't own a pig farm.
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Old 06-29-2018, 03:02 AM   #22
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How about this one:
Hank Kimble: You're not going to brainwash me.
Oliver: That wouldn't take more than a slightly damp cloth.
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Old 06-29-2018, 05:26 AM   #23
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TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize!

Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a REAL PIG!

TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself!
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Old 07-11-2018, 06:00 PM   #24
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A Ralph Monroe quote:
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:36 PM   #25
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Eb: "Well, Bertram isn't a crower, he's a pecker!"

Mr. Haney: "Well, he ain't a pecker, he's a crower."
Oliver: "He's not a crower, he's a pecker."
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Old 07-13-2018, 07:33 AM   #26
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Eustace Charleton Haney: [after learning Oliver and Lisa are going to be out of town for a few days] While yer away on yer trip, I thought you might like to avail yerself of Haney's Farm Mindin' Service.
Oliver Wendell Douglass: HANEY'S FARM MINDING SERVICE?
Eustace Charleton Haney: Yessir, at Haney's Farm Mindin' Service, for a nom-yew-nal fee we will move into yer house, eat yer food, drink yer likker, and turn away any unwanted relatives that might show up at yer door
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Old 07-13-2018, 03:02 PM   #27
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[Mr. Haney knocks at door]
Lisa: Aren't you going to ask who it is?
Oliver: Okay. [getting tongue tied] Who it is? Er, whose is it? Uh, whose...it is??
Mr. Haney: Ah, that's alright. I'll come back when yer sober.
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Old 07-13-2018, 04:52 PM   #28
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Oliver: "Is there any mail for me?"

Sam Drucker: [being mad] "I wouldn't know. I had all of your mail re-routed to the Pixley post office."

Oliver Wendell Douglas: "Oh, for the love of - !"

Sam Drucker: "By the way, don't forget to change your zip code. Pixley is 96344821756."
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Old 07-13-2018, 04:54 PM   #29
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"Lisa Douglas: When you married me you knew that I couldn't cook, I couldn't sew, and I couldn't keep house. All I could do was talk Hungarian and do imitations of Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Oliver Douglas: Who?"
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Old 07-17-2018, 05:51 PM   #30
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Doris & Fred Ziffel quotes/lines:
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