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Old 09-26-2013, 05:38 PM   #571
Family Ties Forever!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
Next time, spell the President's name right! And closing quotation marks come after punctuation marks!

That's not cool that you changed that person's joke and inserted names that you wanted there in place of Obama's. That's editing someone's post which is wrong. You then gave the person a hard time about spelling Obama's name. This isn't English class. It's ok if a quotation mark was in the wrong place. No one is perfect.
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Old 09-28-2013, 10:43 PM   #572
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Family Ties Forever!
That's not cool that you changed that person's joke and inserted names that you wanted there in place of Obama's. That's editing someone's post which is wrong. You then gave the person a hard time about spelling Obama's name. This isn't English class. It's ok if a quotation mark was in the wrong place. No one is perfect.

Yeah, well, that joke wasn't cool either.
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Old 09-29-2013, 12:02 AM   #573
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well, I thought it was funny
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:26 AM   #574
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a little boy dressed up as a pirate for Halloween. He went up to a house, rang the bell, the lady opened the door and said "Oh, a little pirate! But where are your buccaneers?" The boy replied "Right under my buccan-hat!"
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Old 11-19-2013, 11:03 AM   #575
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I once dreamed I was cleaning my ear with a giant Q-Tip and when I awoke I discovered my cat had his paw in my ear trying to wake me up so I would feed him.
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Old 12-03-2013, 02:50 PM   #576
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
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Old 12-04-2013, 09:12 PM   #577
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Old 12-20-2013, 01:54 PM   #578
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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
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Old 02-09-2014, 09:53 AM   #579
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Kids! Gotta love 'em!


This is what happens when your child is exposed to too many commercials on TV. A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.
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Old 02-12-2014, 07:25 AM   #580
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Early Bakers

Q: Why do bakers go to work so early in the morning?

A: They knead the dough!

Q: Why do bakers go to work so early in the morning?

A: They knead the dough!

Last edited by Family Ties Forever! : 03-02-2014 at 01:05 PM.
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Old 03-02-2014, 09:57 AM   #581
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Old 06-12-2014, 09:13 PM   #582
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Prescription Bottle

A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than once every four hours," the pharmacist says.

"Don't worry," replies the patient. "It takes me four hours to get the lid off."
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Old 06-24-2014, 02:55 AM   #583
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The Lone Ranger & Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, they got ready for bed, went to bed and fell sound asleep.
Several hours later Tonto woke up and woke the Lone Ranger. Tonto pointed up at the sky and said "Kemo Sabe, look there. What you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies "I see millions of stars."
Tonto said "What that tell you?"
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it tells me the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically it tells me we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo pie. It tell me someone stole our tent."
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Old 07-16-2014, 07:46 PM   #584
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I saw a picture on FB that read:

We built this city. We built this city on....

Raw Canned Rolls

aka Rock and Roll

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Old 07-20-2014, 09:13 PM   #585
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"Feeling Suicidal? Need a Vacation? Fly Malaysian Airlines."
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