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Old 08-24-2002, 06:59 PM   #1
FOLrocks1
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Default "Shady Pines" SERIES PREMIERE! "Bought and Sold"

"Shady Pines"
Season One
Episode One
"Bought and Sold"

#1. "Bought and Sold"
Blanche, Rose, and Sophia sell the hotel. They buy Shady Pines. Mr. Furley checks into Shady Pines not knowing that Jack works there. Mr. Furley starts to date a woman and Jack catches her with another man

Cast:
ESTELLE GETTY as Sophia Petrillo
RUE McCLANAHAN as Blanche Deveraux
BETTY WHITE as Rose Nylund
DON KNOTTS as Ralph Furley
PRISCILLA BARNES as Terri Alden
JOHN RITTER as Jack Tripper
Special Guest Stars:
DON CHEADLE as Roland Wilson
CHEECH MARTIN as Chuy Castillos
Guest Stars:

Scene One
Int. Lobby - The Golden Palace
[Blanche, Rose, Sophia and Roland are in the lobby. Sophia is sitting and the others are standing.]
Roland: I can't beleive you guys are leaving.
Rose: I know. I thought we'd own this hotel forever. Well not exactly forever, but for a long time. Well as long as we lived. you know, until the last one of us died.
Sophia: That'd be me.
[They all laugh]
Sophia: What's so funny?
Blanche: I'm going to miss you Roland.
Roland: Oh me too.
[They hug]
Rose: I'll miss you too.
[They hug]
Roland: I'll miss you, Sophia.
Sophia: Yeah I guess I'll miss ya. [stands up and goes over to him]
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: Just kidding! [hugs Roland]
Rose: Hey, where's Chuy?
Blanche: I don't know. Maybe in the kitchen.
Sophia: [loud] CHUY, GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE.
[Chuy Enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Chuy: I'm sorry girls. I was late getting your gifts!
[He hands Rose a box. She opens it and pulls out a bouquet of roses.]
Rose: Oh they're beautiful!
Chuy: Well that was one thing that I thought would fit you perfectly. Roses for my Rose.
Rose: That's sweet.
Sophia: Yeah, yeah sweet. Gimmie mine!
[Chuy hands blanche hers. She opends the bag.]
Blanche: Oh! It's the 1993 Men's Beefcake Calendar!
Chuy: Yeah. It sure was embarrasing at the store checking it out.
Roland: I bet.
Blanche: Chuy, you shouldn't have.
Sophia: Yes he should have! Now give it to me.
[She grabs her bag and pulls out a can. She opens it and those prank 'snakes' shoot out. They all laugh except for Sophia.]
Sophia: That's not funny at all.
Chuy: Oh Sophia! I had to do it. You should get some pranks pulled on you sometimes!
Sophia: Ah go to hell all of ya!
Roland: Sophia!
Sophia: Ah Sophia this!
[She gives him a dirty gesture.]
Chuy: Don't worry Sophia! I got you something!
Sophia: Oh goodie, goodie!
[He pulls out a small black box. He hands it to her. She opens it. It's a ring.]
Sophia: Oh Chuy it's wonderful!
Blanche: Oh it is! Where do you get that kind of money.
Chuy: Actually it's my grandma's. She gave it to me before she died.
Rose: Sophia, you can't except this gift.
Sophia: You wanna bet? There must be some good reason why he gave it to me.
Chuy: Actually there is. You were like a grandma to me. Even though sometimes we didn't agree, for the most part, we got along great.
Sophia: Thanks a lot. [hugs him]
Roland: Well are we ready to go out to eat?
Sophia: As long as you're paying.
Roland: Didn't the girls tell you? I'm treating all of you for a fairwell dinner.
[They Exit.]

Scene Two
Int. Shady Pines - Main Room - The Next Day
[Jack is behind the desk. Blanche Sophia and Rose come in.]
Jack: Hello ladies. Are you here to check your dear old mother in?
Sophia: Yeah right! I'm the new owner of this place.
Jack: [to Blanche and Rose] Frequently Disoreanted?
Blanche: Oh no. We really are the new owners of Shady Pines.
Jack: Oh, well welcome! I'm Jack Tripper. Manager and cook mostly.
Blanche: It's nice to meet you. I'm Blanche Deveraux, This is Rose Nylund, and Sophia Petrillo.
Jack: Well how would you like a full tour of Shady Pines?
Sophia: I'll pass. I stayed in this dump for a while about 10 years ago and I've seen all I want to see.
Jake: Have it your way.
[They leave. Sophia goes behind the desk. Mr. Furley comes in. He looks around.]
Mr. Furley: So this is Shady Pines.
Sophia: Wow you can read. Now what do you want?
Mr. Furley: Well [sniffs] I'm here to check in. I've heard all about this place and I decided to move in.
Sophia: Come with me. I'll give you the low-down on this place.
[They Exit]

Scene Three
Int. Shady Pines - Main Room - Later That Day
[Jack is behind the counter. Sophia enters.]
Jack: How's it going?
Sophia: I haven't had sex in 7 months. You tell me how it's going.
[Sophia sits. Rose enters.]
Rose: Hello.
Jack: Hey Rose.
Rose: [sits with Sophia] Sophia, who was the man I saw you with doing paperwork and showing around?
Sophia: He was the new paperboy. Who the hell do you think? It was a new member.
Rose: Boy you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Jack: You mean someone new checked in?
Sophia: Yeah. About an hour ago. His name's on the list.
[Jack reads it. He laughs.]
Jack: I used to know a Ralph Furley. He was my old landlord. Really kind of weird but a nice guy. Probably wasn't the same person though. [laughs. Get's serious.] I hope that's not him.
Sophia: Gray hair?
Jack: Yes.
Sophia: Terrible Dresser?
Jack: Yeah.
Sophia: Sniffs all the time? [sniffs]
Jack: Oh my God that's him!
Rose: Here he comes.
[Mr. Furley enters. Jack turns around slowly.]
Jack: Oh God.
Mr. Furley: Jackkkk!!!!
Jake: Mr. Furley!!!!
[The two hug for a second. Mr. Furley realizes what he's doing and breaks off the hug.]
Jack: What's wrong?
[Mr. Furley gives him a look.]
Jack: Oh. Mr. Furley, I'm not really gay.
S&R: You're gay!?
Jack: No. I'm not. We just told you that so you would let me live with the two girls.
Mr. Furley: Yeah right. And I'm Michael Jackson.
Rose: A little around the nose.
[Mr. Furley gives her a look.]

Scene Four
Int. Shady Pines - Main Room - Week Later
[Jack is behind the counter. Blanche enters.]
Blanche: Jack, have you seen Rose anywhere?
Jack: Last time I saw her, she was with Mr. Martin helping him with his gurtle. That was about a half hour ago.
[Rose runs in laughing. An old man is chasing her.]
Rose: Mr. St. Clair! Stop it!
[They run out.]
Jack: Well she's having a good time.
[Mr. Furley enters.]
Mr. Furley: Well, It's looks like old ralphie boy here can find a woman anywhere he goes.
Blanche: Oh. You have a date?
Mr. Furley: I sure do. Christine Travis.
Jack: Where are you going with her?
Mr. Furley: I'm not sure. I'll think of something.
[He Leaves]
Jack: Yeah. Probably a movie he has a free pass to and a burger joint that has a waitress on wheels.
[Blanche Laughs. The phone rings.]
Jack: Hello? Yes. Okay I'll send someone up. [hangs up] Blanche, would you send some towels up to Mr. Farberson in room 204?
Blanche: Sure.
[Exits]

Scene Five
Int. Main Room - Week later
[We see a older woman and an older man kissing. Jack comes in and sees them. He backs up and spies on them.]
Man: Oh Christine, you are wonderful.
Christine: Let me show you just how wonderful I can be.
[They Leave. Rose comes up behind Jack. She taps him on the shoulder. He screams. She screams.]
Jack: Rose!!
Rose: I'm sorry. What were you doing spying on those two people?
Jack: Rose, that was Christine.
Rose: So?
Jack: So?! That's who Mr. Furley has been dating for the past week. She was with another man.
Rose: Oh don't exzagerate. Maybe it was her husband or something.
Jack: That's what I'm saying!
Rose: Oh I see your point.
Jack: What am I going to do? I don't want to hurt Mr. Furley's feelings.
Rose: Come here. Let me tell you a story.
Jack: Okay.
[They sit.]
Rose: Back in St. Olaf...
Jack: Wait a minute. Sophia and Blanche warned me about these stories.
Rose: Oh just listen. Back in St. Olaf, there was Ingrid and Stephan Schilmiere. They had 2 kids together and were very close. Ingrid though was St. Olaf's biggest slut. She would do anything with anyone. One day, Franz Ingleshun caught Inga Nurumberg with Stevn Horoschoun. Franz told Stephan that he had caught his wife with Stevn. Stephan and Ingrid got divorced.
Jack: Wait a minute. You said that he caught Inga with the other mand, not Ingrid.
Rose: He did.
Jack: Then what's the point of the story?
Rose: Well Franz realized he made a mistake and told Stephan. He then found out that his ex-wife was cheating with him so in the end everything worked out because she was cheating.
Jack: I think I get what you;re saying.
Rose: [surprised] You do?
Jack: Yeah. I should just tell Mr. Furley no matter what.
Rose: Here's your chance. Do it now.
[Mr. Furley comes in.]
Rose: I'll leave you two alone.
[Rose leaves.]
Jack: Mr. Furley, why don't you sit down.
Mr. Furley: Huh Oh. This is bad news isn't it. Whenever you have to sit down it's bad news.
Jack: I have some bad news.
Mr. Furley: I knew it!
Jack: Christine, the new woman you've been dating...
Mr. Furley: Yeah?
Jack: Well just a little bit ago I saw her kissing another man.
Mr. Furley: What?
Jack: I know Mr. Furley. It's hard to accept...
Mr. Furley: [cutting him off] How could you even say such a thing about Christine?
Jack: Mr. Furley!
Mr. Furley: You're just jealous that I have someone! I'm not going to take this! I know Christine would never cheat on me.
[He Leaves]
Jack: Mr. Furley!

Scene Six
Int. Apartment Hallway - Later that Day
[Mr. Furley has flowers and knocks on a door. Christine answers.]
Christine: Ralph, what are you doing here?
Mr. Furley: Well I came to give you these. [hands her the flowers]
[Christine reads the card attached.]
Christine: "Rest In Peace, Granny"?
Mr. Furley: Oh sorry about that. I also came here because I need to ask you something.
Christine: Well what is it?
Mr. Furley: One of my so-called-friends told me that he saw you with someone else.
Christine: Don't be rediculous.
Man's Voice: Christine, Who's there?
Christine: NO one Charlie, now get back in there.
Mr. Furley: So you were with another man. How could you do this?
Christine: Ralphie! Don't get mad. I'm sorry.
Mr. Furley: I could have lost a friend over you. I have nothing to say to you. Wait. I do have something to say.
Christine: What is it?
CUT TO:

Scene Seven
Int. Shady Pines - Main Room - that day
Mr. Furley: [Talking to Jack] "Go to hell."
Jack: You actually said that to her?
Mr. Furley: I sure did. Now can you ever forgive me for what I said?
[Sophia Comes in.]
Jack: You think I'm going to let a stupid girl get in between us?
Sophia: Now that's just sick!
Jack: I forgive you. [they hug]
Sophia: I need a barf bag.

THE END!

What did you think????? PLEASE reply!
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THE GOLDEN GIRLS!

Sophia: (to Blanche) Fasten your seatbelt, slut puppie. This ain't gunna be no cakewalk.

Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?
Blanche: There must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah, they're called lesbians.



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Old 08-24-2002, 08:10 PM   #2
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AWESOME SHOW!
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Old 08-24-2002, 08:45 PM   #3
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Good job! As I was reading it, I could actually hear the way Rose, Blanche, and Sophia would have said those lines. The fact that you can do that shows what a great fic this was. Keep them coming!
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Old 08-25-2002, 02:25 PM   #4
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I loved it! Great job and keep 'em coming!
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Old 08-25-2002, 04:21 PM   #5
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Very very very good!
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Old 08-25-2002, 04:59 PM   #6
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Thanks a lot to everone who replied! Episode 2 should be out by next weekend. (I'm starting school this week so I won't have a lot of time) GoldenFamilyTies, will you still write me that review of this? Thanks. I hope you will!
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Old 08-26-2002, 03:00 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by FOLrocks1
Thanks a lot to everone who replied! Episode 2 should be out by next weekend. (I'm starting school this week so I won't have a lot of time) GoldenFamilyTies, will you still write me that review of this? Thanks. I hope you will!

Love it .... You rock big time FOLrocks1
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Old 08-28-2002, 06:06 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by FOLrocks1
Thanks a lot to everone who replied! Episode 2 should be out by next weekend. (I'm starting school this week so I won't have a lot of time) GoldenFamilyTies, will you still write me that review of this? Thanks. I hope you will!

Okay, it's sent. Will a new episode come out each week?
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Old 08-28-2002, 07:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by GoldenFamilyTies


Okay, it's sent. Will a new episode come out each week?

To answer your question, yes. A new episode should appear each week. Occasionally there will be 2 episodes a week depending on how busy I am. Also sometimes, when I'm really swamped with things to do, the show will be on hiatus.
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Old 02-10-2004, 03:37 PM   #10
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Good show! Funny! It would work on the "Three's Company" fan fic board too....
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