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Old 02-20-2018, 05:39 PM   #796
Steve M.
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Winter Olympics joke:

Two carpenters named Bill and Ed are working on a project together, nailing something into place, and making small talk about the Winter Olympics. "My cousin competed in the Winter Olympics as a skier once," Bill says.

"Which Winter Olympiad was that?" Ed asks.

"1994," says Bill.

"Oh," Ed replies, "Lillehammer?"

"No," Bill says, "all I got is this big one!"
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Old 02-22-2018, 09:54 PM   #797
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When Maharishi Mahesh Yogi went to the dentist, he refused the use of Novocaine. He wanted to transcend dental medication...
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Old 02-23-2018, 04:51 PM   #798
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Two dogs were walking down the street. The first dog turned to the second and complained: "My life is a mess, my owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd and I'm as nervous as a cat."

The second dog replied: "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?"

First dog: "I can't, I'm not allowed on the couch!"
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Old 02-23-2018, 05:49 PM   #799
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Three things you'll never hear a redneck say:

1 The tires on that truck are too big.
2. I can't drink another beer.
3. Duct tape won't hold it together.
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Old 02-23-2018, 05:49 PM   #800
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AB
Three things you'll never hear a redneck say:

1 The tires on that truck are too big.
2. I can't drink another beer.
3. Duct tape won't hold it together.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:55 PM   #801
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A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.”

The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”
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Old 03-15-2018, 05:44 PM   #802
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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha**! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
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Old 03-15-2018, 08:49 PM   #803
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A prosecutor asks a defendant where he was on the night of February 30, when the theft he's charged for took place. The defendant replies that there is no February 30.

"Oh," says the prosecutor, "did you steal that as well?"
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:08 PM   #804
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How do cats get over a fight?

They Hiss and make up.
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:20 PM   #805
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What did the conductor say to the orchestra when he/she greeted them?

Cello everyone!
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Old 03-18-2018, 11:03 AM   #806
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What did Tennessee? The same thing that Arkansas.
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Old 03-18-2018, 04:30 PM   #807
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What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
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Old 03-18-2018, 04:33 PM   #808
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What did Tennessee? What did Delaware? I don't know, Alaska!
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Old 03-18-2018, 10:56 PM   #809
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What did Delaware? Her New Jersey!
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Old 03-19-2018, 04:54 PM   #810
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve M.
What did Delaware? Her New Jersey!
I get it!




What is a catís way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
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