Thread: Quotes
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Old 08-21-2014, 07:27 AM   #1591
Frank Gannucci
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Join Date: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 6,525
Default Thursday's Quotes (x2):

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous, that I couldn't answer the first question."

Ralph: "What question was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"The New Manager":

Ralph: "I know. We will take the Nortons on our honeymoon."

Trixie: "Ralph, you don't want us on your honeymoon."

Ed: "Will you keep quiet woman?"

"Head of The House":

Ed: "In my household, I am the boss of the household."

Interviewer: "Mmm-hmm."

Ed: "I think that any man that is afraid of his wife, isn't a man."

Interviewer: "Mmm-hmmm."

Ed: "And I can't stree this too strongly that a husband is the boss."

Interviewer: "Yes?"

Ed: "Now don't quote me because if my wife reads that, she will kill me."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph is planning on doing the most work when he and Alice go on Beat The Clock.)

Ralph: "As usual, I am carrying the whole load on my shoulders."

Alice: "You are carrying the load but it's not on your shoulders."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ed: "I watch your show. It's very educational."

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Educational?"

Ed: "Yeah, it's a wonder what you could do with whipped cream on this
show."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph & Ed (singing loudly): "WELL, STROLLING THROUGH THE PARK ONE DAY IN THE MERRY, MERRY MONTH OF MAY. I WAS TAKEN BY SURPRISE BY A PAIR OF RUGGISH EYES..."

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "WILL YOU TWO KEEP IT QUIET DOWN THERE? I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP."

Ralph: "That's that wise guy Garrity."

(Ralph goes to the window and opens it.)

Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? WHAT HAPPENED, DID THE SALOON BURN DOWN?"

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph tries to open the window to get Aunt Ethel's milk.)

Ethel: "Pull harder."

Ralph: "If I pull any harder, I will lift the building off the ground."

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "All right Weisenhemimer. I am now going to put the key in a place which even if you know that it was there, you wouldn't be able to get it. I am going to put it under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon Point."

Alice: "Well golly gee!"

"The Golfer":

(Ralph grabs the pin cushion.)

Ralph (yells): "OWWWWW! THERE IS PINS IN IT."

Ed: "What did you expect, chicken noodles?"

"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

Ed: "How about a donut?"

Ralph: "You know that I am on a diet. Besides, after this game we can get a pizza."

"The $99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "This time I am going to get my pot of gold."

Alice: "Just go for the gold. You already got the pot."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Alice: "I am not going to Fred's Landing."

Ralph: "Don't go."

Alice: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ralph: "I just hope one thing. That when we get to Fred's Landing, that you fall in love with the place. That way, when I get my vacation next year, I will leave you home."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"Expectant Dad" & "The Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. Nothing wrong with that. They used to call us 'Big' and 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"To Whomever It May Concern":

(Ed wrote SWAK on the back of Ralph's letter.)

Ralph: "You wrote Sealed With A Kiss?"

Ed: "No. Sewer Workers Are Kings."

"The Mexian Hat Trick":

(Ralph is disguised as El Diablo and Ed is disguised as El Norto at the El Bar-Ocho Cafe. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake.)

Ralph: "What was that all about?"

Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?"

"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":

Ralph (to Charlie): "I'm on a diet. I've gone from 220."

Ed: "That's his room number. He actually gone from 280."
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