an elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, it was properly shaped for swimming so he fixed it up by putting some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, peach and apple trees around it. One evening he decided to go down to look it over since he hadn't been there in a while. Before he left, he grabbed a five gallon bucket to get some fruit. As he got closer he heard some giggling, laughing and talking. He got closer and saw it was a group of young girls skinny-dipping. He walked over and they became aware of his presence and swam to the deep end. One of them shouted "We're not getting out until you leave!" The old man said "I didn't come here to make you get out of the pond naked or stop swimming." He held up the bucket. "I came down here to feed the alligator!"
Some old men can still think fast!
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.
Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."