a couple is staying overnight at another couples house. When everyone's going to bed, the hostess asks them "By the way; do you mind making your own bed"? The couple says "No, not at all". So the hostess says "Good, here's a hammer and saw; you'll find the wood and nails in the room. Try not to make too much noise. Goodnight"!
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.
Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."