4 men are the only people in a plane that's run out of fuel; and is going down.
The 4 are: a southener, a texan, a mexican, and a frenchman.
They decide to jump, rather than go down with the plane. They draw straws to see who will go first. The frenchman loses. So, he stands at the open doorway and shouts "VIVA LA FRANCE"!! and jumps out. The southener is next, he stands in the doorway and shouts "REMEMBER THE SOUTH"!! and jumps out. The texan is next, he stands in the doorway and shouts "REMEMBER THE ALAMO"!! then pushes the mexican out.
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.
Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."