pilot to teenager-"Wanna fly"?
pilot-"Wait a minute, I'll catch one for you".
A fat man and a skinny man walked up to each other.
fat man-"From the looks of you, you've just been through a famine"!
skinny man-"And from the looks of you, you just caused one"!
man #1-"So, what about these taxes"?
man #2-"Texas? My uncle lives there"!
man #1-"No, no, I'm talking about taxes. You know, dollars"!
man #2-"Yea, that's where he lives. Dallas, Texas"!
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.
Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."