How did Helen Keller's mother punish her? By rearranging the living room furniture.
"Looks like Mom fed you well"- After I saw my friend for the first time in 3 years after he grew to 6'6"
"Michael Jordan and Ron Jeremy have one thing in common. They both take it to the hole."
"Welcome to the twilight zone."- 9/11
"M-O-N-E-Y"- After my dad couldn't figure out why Ben Wallace left the Pistons for the Bulls
"No smaller than yours"-After my friend asked how big Mini Me's gun was