a widowed farmer had 3 daughters. They were each very beutiful, and he was proud and very protective of them.
One Saturday night, all 3 of them had dates. He was waiting with them in the living room, when there was a knock at the door. He opened it, there was this nice, clean-cut young guy standing there. He said "Hi. My name's Teddy. I'm here for Betty. We're having a dinner of spagetti. Is she ready"? So he said "Sure, you look and sound allright. She's right here". So, Betty and the guy left. Then, someone else came to the door. Again, he was nice, well groomed and clean cut. He said "Hi. My name's Tim. I'm here for Kim". So, the farmer said "Sure, you also seem fine. My daughter's right here"!
Then there was another knock on the door. The farmer opened it, and there was this dirty,sleazy, guy standing there, He needed a shave, his hair was all mussed up, his clothes were all dirty and wrinkled. The farmer said "WHAT DO YOU WANT"? The guy said "My name is Chuck. I'm here to...."
So the farmer pulled out his shotgun and shot the guys head off.
the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store.
Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?"
clerk: "Madam, those are rubies."
Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her."
clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady."
Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."