My Life: A Blessing and a Curse

[tv star collector]

I've always been a loner. I was an only child with an overly-protective mother. Later, she became a semi-invalid. As a result, I never had an opportunity to do much socializing. After her death, I was so set in my ways
that I found that I preferred my own company. Reclusive and introverted, I
found solace mostly in my comic books and cartoons (even creating, writing
and drawing some of my own). Over the years, I also acquired a vast collection of TV and movie memorabilia (videos, DVDs, records, CDs, books,
magazines, comics, toys, figures, posters, etc.). Now that I am past 60, I
realize that I've become a bit jaded and materialistic. The older I get, the
more aware I am that earthly possessions are only worthwhile for the brief
time we're on this earth; and someday everything I own will belong to someone else (in my case, my niece, nephew and their offspring). Right now,
my greatest source of pleasure is my dog. She is my constant companion and
never judges me, no matter what my mood might be.

I am still working part-time, once or twice a week, as a motel desk clerk. It's
a boring job, and--not being a "people person"--one that I am ill-suited to.
But you do what you have to do. Next year I will be eligible for Social Security benefits, but I will still need to work--somewhere--a few hours a
week, to make ends meet and to maintain some semblance of my current
lifestyle. At least, my current job is very close to home. With the rising gas
prices, I count that as one of my blessings.

I've had some setbacks in recent years: having a good-paying job at the
local hospital for nearly twenty years, only to be laid off due to downsizing.
It has been a big adjustment for me. But I'm coping. I guess that makes me
a survivor.

Aside from my dog, my TV, music, books, and etc., my greatest pleasure has
been visiting you friends here on the S.O. message board. Everyone gets
discouraged or depressed sometimes, and I just needed to get some things
off my chest. Thanks for reading, and I hope that my next post will be
about a more interesting subject. :wave:

[Yooch]

What I think, I think you are a good, decent, honest person. You're right, everyone (and I mean everyone) gets depressed from time to time, and that includes those who appear to 'have it all together'--sometimes they are in greater need. As my pastor said, if you scratch the surface of anyone, no matter how happy they appear to be, you will always find some hurt or brokenness.

I like to be be with people, but like you, I also enjoy my solitude and can be perfectly content being alone for long periods. I like to read, watch TV, listen to music--and yes, being with my dog. For example, if I'm working in the yard, doing the most mundane task, my dog will enjoy just sitting there watching me work. She demands nothing, just likes being with me.

I wish you well, and like you, feel close to the S.O. people. I've never met or talked to a single one yet, but I feel connected with this group of people. I start back to work tomorrow, and will probably not be posting that much over the next month. But, when I can, I'll see you guys on the boards. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

[tv star collector]

Your response means a lot to me. I wish you all the best. :wave:

[Yooch]

Thanks. :)

[AB]

I understand what you mean. Even though its kind of opposite for me, I wish I had more alone time. But anyway, I know where you're coming from because after my dad died, my mom was all alone in that big house with only her dog to keep her company. She ended up moving to a smaller house near my brother & his family so she wouldn't feel so lonely. I believe everyone gets a little down at times and you have to figure out a way to cope with it, whether it's by getting on the computer, calling someone or just going to the store & chatting up the cashier. One thing my mom did, was to start walking in her neighborhood and then one of the neighbors asked if she could join her. So she ended up with a new friend.

[tv star collector]

I've been pretty lucky to have always had at least one close friend. Right
now, I have a good friend at work. He is on my email list, and I send him
one of my cartoons every day (along with a former co-worker I met at the
hospital and my niece and my nephew). His son enjoys them, too. I don't
think I could get through a day without laughter. As my former co-worker used to say, "Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying." Music is
important, too. Music and laughter. Without those, a day just isn't complete.

[Brian Damage]

Hey buddy, getting depressed is normal. Like Yooch said, you seem to be a good person. You contribute positively to these forums and I wish you all the best in the world. :)

[dawsongirl]

I know what it's like to be a loner. I too am an only child, plus I have social anxiety, so I'm usually at my best by myself. I can be me without having to put on a facade. I pretty much put on a facade with everyone else, even my parents and my boyfriend. This place is perfect for a person like me, because I can get out an talk with people in an environment that is much less stressful. And a lot of people here share things in common. I never had that much in common with most of the friends I've ever had. Plus when I get lonely, I can come here and feel like I'm actually with people. That probably seems weird to some people, but what can you do.

And I also have more TV stuff than I should admit to. :lol: Between the VCR, DVD Recorder, and ebay, I'm not sure which is the better invention!

[Hollow]

i'm the same way about being alone. i prefer to be myself, doing what i want rather than having to be considerate of someone else. i'm not very compatible with most people anyway because i have an obscure mindset. realistically i'd say my life has been much more bad than good, but i still have some things in my life (other than stuff that most people have like shelter and technology) that i would otherwise kill for. i cut ties with my best friend a few months ago because of the friction between us, but despite the changes and all the pain he caused me in the end, i still consider him my greatest blessing.

[tv star collector]

I just now got around to reading all the replies to this post, and I have to
thank each and everyone of you for the positive feedback. Like most people,
I am subject to mood swings. Lately, though, I have been feeling discouraged
and forgotten more often than not. It is reassuring to know that there are
people out there that I can call upon for encouragement and support, even
if they're strangers. Sometimes a stranger can be the easiest person to talk
to. None of us is promised an easy life, and we all have to get through some
storms to appreciate the sunshine. I am thankful for my many blessings.
Things could be better in my life--but they could also be much, much worse.
I don't have the best job in the world--but right now so many people are out
of work, I should be grateful to have any job. Most of all, I am thankful for friends like you guys. Best wishes! :wave:

[Shine]

I just read your posts tv star collector, and I really want to wish you the very best. I understand depression. I've been suffering from depression on and off for almost 10 years now. I have to take medication every day and I still go through some really bad periods.

[tv star collector]

Thank you. That means a lot. Take care. :wave:

[ponytail]

I'm a bit of a loner myself. I like to shop by myself. I'll go to the movies by myself. At work I'll go sit in my car and eat lunch just to get away from the gossip people. I try to do things that make me happy. I don't go out much, but that's my thing. I do like to travel so maybe one day I'll be able to travel more.

[tv star collector]

Sir, you seem like a generous, kind, carefree (in a good way) person. You have been on this Earth awhile. People deserve to have people like you around- people like my grandparents, who can tell stories, who can only relive the past, tell jokes about their lives and how they grew up and talk about wars, past entertainment, sports and life. Being a depressed person like me, I like to see the world for what it's worth and look at the people who mean the world the best and don't look at stereotypes, race, color etc. People like you. I wish you the best of luck, enjoy your life in the oncoming years- you have deserved to rest, relax and be care free. Don't listen to the negativity most of the world has to bring in- only look at the positives and the good things that make you smile. I am very social as well yet I like to have times to myself, where I can reflect on my life and the world, reminisce about my past and about my loved and lost ones and just BS in general about what I want. I think life is too short- people look at other people of different & of an older age as weak because they have spent more time on the Earth and are much wiser, so it makes people jealous to know more wiser people sometimes have more to offer and say. Again, I wish you all the best and I hope you continue to be brave and share your life and stories with us on here. Thanks.

I can't tell you how much your words of encouragement mean to me, especially at this particular time. The past week or so has been really
rough. Last week I learned that my job may be terminated within the next
three weeks. Yesterday I received 16 bills from a collection agency
for doctor visits from two years ago (I had to stop taking the allergy shots
that I had taken for 50+ years because I could no longer afford them). I
was on the verge of a nervous breakdown when I called the collection
agency. I remember saying, "Life is not worth living anymore"; and, at that
moment, that's exactly how I felt. But there's a saying, "Things look their
darkest right before dawn." I may not live long enough to pay off all my bills
(probably not), but that is no reason to give up on life. My dog needs me
(even if no one else does). So I'll keep pressing on and hoping that brighter
days will come again eventually.

[Pus$y Galore]

Believe me, we all feel the way you do sometimes. I have myself for the past 10 months or so. You just have to keep telling yourself that there's always someone worse off to keep things in perspective.

WE need you - your dog needs you - and you'd be surprised just how many people would be upset or negatively affected if you weren't around.

Hang in there - you're a GREAT person from anything I've seen on these boards and you'd be sorely missed. Life is a rollercoaster - you'll be headed back up soon I'm sure. ;)

[tv star collector]

Believe me, we all feel the way you do sometimes. I have myself for the past 10 months or so. You just have to keep telling yourself that there's always someone worse off to keep things in perspective.

WE need you - your dog needs you - and you'd be surprised just how many people would be upset or negatively affected if you weren't around.

Hang in there - you're a GREAT person from anything I've seen on these boards and you'd be sorely missed. Life is a rollercoaster - you'll be headed back up soon I'm sure. ;)

Thanks. Life can be a struggle at times; that's for sure. But none of us is
ever promised an easy life. I guess we all have to go through some bad times
to appreciate the good ones. I'll try to keep my chin up.

[Pus$y Galore]

Thanks. Life can be a struggle at times; that's for sure. But none of us is
ever promised an easy life. I guess we all have to go through some bad times
to appreciate the good ones. I'll try to keep my chin up.


You can say that again. I'm going through the toughest year - 2 years of my life and can be so down one day but up again the next. Never say never.

And sometimes you're closest friends come from the internet. Most of my "real" friends have basically abandoned me (I guess they feel uncomfortable with what all I'm dealing with) but it's been Janice from here that's been the best friend throughout it all. If it wasn't for her I don't know what I'd do. Friends come and go in our lives in the strangest ways. I'm just thankful for our Janice and others on SO. ;)

[Hollywood Rock Chic]

Stay strong, sweetie. No one said that life is going to be easy. We all find our selves in situations that are both trying and difficult. Some roads in our life time are easy and smooth and others are hard and very bumpy. It is a learning experince and molds us on who we are. And, another thing, wow, wouldnt life be a freaking bore and tedious, if it was easy all the time. If, situations come too easy for us, we take these same situations for granted, and to me, that is a curse.

[tv star collector]

Now for some good news: my unemployment ran out today and I applied for
a 13-week extension. The checks should resume in about two weeks. In the
meantime, I still have my part-time desk clerk job at the motel (if it is only
about once a week); and I am going to apply for a housekeeping position (at
the same motel). And I haven't totally given up on Wal-Mart; I'll keep
pestering them and maybe they'll eventually give me another chance. Who
knows? There might even be something better waiting just around the bend.
Someone said, "Optimists are wrong as often as pessimists--but they have
more fun!" :)

[tv star collector]

Good for you! Your confidence is building back up and you will do good in your new job I'm sure.

I have been on this planet for six decades now. I have survived the deaths
of my parents, my older half-sister (who was like a mother to me), pets
(including nine dogs and a pony); long periods of unemployment; unrequited
loves (never did find the right girl/woman). Disappointments and setbacks
only make us stronger when we put the past behind us. That's hard to do.
After a while, you sometimes just feel like giving up. That's the way I felt a
few days ago. Having a lot of idle time has given me time to reflect a lot. I
know my strengths and my weaknesses. I often feel as if "life has passed me
by." But I'm still here, and there must be a reason. So I will just meet each
day as it comes, whether good or bad. When all is said and done, that is all
we can do. We can either give up and just lay down and die, or we can say,
"Death: if you want me, you'll have to come and get me." No matter how
tough it has been, I've always chosen the latter. God bless you all. :wave:

[tv star collector]

Well, I may have spoke a bit hastily. The unemployment benefits extension is
not a done deal. The Workforce Center called today, and the application hit a
snag. I won't go into the details here, but if I am turned down, I can file an
appeal. That happened before, when my job at Wal-Mart was terminated in
2007. Consequently, I had to wait two months for my benefits to start. This
time, though, I don't even know for sure if I will get them at all. When I got
the news, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown (or a heart attack).
Please pray for me. I am really feeling very low today. :(

[tv star collector]

Well, I received a notice from the Employment Security Commission today. It states that I "have been
disqualified from receiving benefts or have been found to be ineligible for benefits for the folllowing reason(s):

"YOU REQUESTED A REDUCTION OF HOURS FROM YOUR MOST RECENT BONA FIDE EMPLOYER
WHICH ALTERED THE ORIGINAL CONDITIONS OF HIRE. YOUR INITIATION OF SAID REQUEST INDICATES
THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER WILLING TO WORK THE REQUIRED SCHEDULE AND THAT YOU DIRECTLY
CONTRIBUTED TO THE DECREASE OF HOURS. UNDER SC EMPLOYEMENT SECURITY LAW, SECTION
41-35-120, YOU ARE DETERMINED INELIGIBLE FOR BENEFITS BEGINNING 9-7-08."

At the bottom of the notice it says: "IMPORTANT: THIS DETERMINATION WILL BE THE FINAL DECISION
OF THE COMMISSION UNLESS YOU FILE AN APPEAL SETTING FORTH IN DETAIL THE GROUNDS FOR
APPEAL WITHIN TEN (10) CALENDAR DAYS ..."

I discussed it with my former co-worker, Carol Lloyd (by telephone); and she agreed with me: there would be
no point in filing an appeal. What grounds could I use? The nervousness--that led to the request for fewer
hours--would only indicate that I am physically unable to work, which would further disqualify me from any
benefits. The best lawyer in the world couldn't win that case.

So, we agreed that my best option right now is to gradually try to increase my hours at the Inn. If I can work
16 hours with no health problems, maybe I can ask Jessie to schedule me for 20 hours. In the meantime, I
will continue looking for a second part-time job. If I can just hold until next June (when I'm eligible for Social
Security and Medicare) .. but that's over nine months away.

Life is a no-win situation any way you look at it. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Every day
I find myself saying, "I'll be glad when this life is over." Unfortunately, there is only one way out; and I don't
want to go there. Not yet. I'm afraid of living but more afraid of dying. All I can do is face one day at a time.
Please pray for me.

Karl