Yet more TV quotes (organized by subject matter.)

[Ohio8]

NAMES
M*A*S*H/B.J. (to Frank): "Say ya Ferret Face."
S&S/Fred (to Lamont): "You mean Minnie the Moocher and Jake the Jackass?'
M*A*S*H/Korean major (to Col. Potter): "You mean old Ferret Face?"
* * *
"PLAY TIME"
Wings/Brian: "Are you kidding? lit a cigarette."
TGG/Sophia: "Pleeease. In bed she only knows her right from her left."
Friends/Rachel (to Ross): "And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!" Chandler: "I KNEW IT!!"
* * *
FRIENDSHIP
Friends/Joey: "Thaat's right I stepped up!...And if I had to I'd pee on anyone of you!"
* * *
ADMIRATION
M*A*S*H/Klinger (to Hawkeye/B.J.): "Boy seeing the way you guys work with the wonded, the way you deal with burned up legs, rippd up bodies. Makes me proud every time I throw up."
* * *
FINE DINING
Friends/Ross: "It tastes like feet!" Joey: "I like it." Ross: "You actually like it?" Joey: "What's not to like? Custard? Gooood. Jam? Goooood. Meat? GOOOOOD."

[Ohio8]

MENTAL HEALTH
M*A*S*H/Col. Potter (to Hawkeye): "What the h**l's the matter with you; are you nuts?!" Hawkeye: "I think I must be." Col. Potter: "I think you are."
Henry: "I'm losing my mind." Hawkeye: "Don't fight it, Henry."
* * *
RETRIBUTION
The Brady Bunch/Peter (to Bobby/Greg): "Mom's gonna kill us." Alice: "Personally.....I don't think you're gonna live that long."

Sanford & Son/ Aunt Esther: "Fred Sanford the wrath of God will strike you down." Fred (holding up baseball bat): "This Louisville slugger will knock you out."
* * *
"AL"
S&S/Fred (to A.E.): "I had to be drunk to look at yo' ugly family."

M*A*S*H/Hawkeye: "To Klinger's nose." Col. Potter: "That's a double."

S&S/Osgood: "Is he a connoisseur?" Fred/Lamont: "No; he's a wino."
* * *
WHEN THINGS GO BAD
I Love Lucy/Ricky: "Ay yay yay." Lucy: "Ewwww."
The Simpsons/Homer: "D'oh!"
The Munsters/Herman: "Darn darndarndarndarn."
* * *
IDENTITY
The Munsters/Eddie (to Googie): "You're a rat, and a rat fink, and a miserable little brat." Lily (to Herman): "And I'm Sonny Liston."

[Ohio8]

TALK, TALK
S&S/Fred (to Lamont): "You cheaper than chitlins were in 1932."
Lamont (to Fred): "Where did you learn that from? "Perry Mason'?" Fred: "No. Watergate."

ILL/Ricky: "Luuuucy."

M*A*S*H/Radar (to Klinger): "How'd you like to get knocked all the way home."

S&S/Aunt Esther (to Fred): "Where you goin' you gon' wish you had a block of ice."
* * *
FAMILY
M*A*S*H/Klinger (to Radar): "I'll tell my daddy you did that he's got big long hairy arms." Radar: "So's your old man!"
* * *
THE MALE ANATOMY
Friends/Phoebe: "And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore." Monica: "Was it...?" Phoebe:"Oh...."
* * *
CHILDHOOD
Friends/Chandler: "Tough crib."

[Ohio8]

RELIGION
M*A*S*H/Col. Potter (to Father Mulcahey): "You wouldn't lie to a Presbyterian, would you?"
Hawkeye: "I don't believe in atheism."
* * *
FAMILY
S&S/Grady: "You know what they say, Fred....mama's baby, papa's maybe."
M*A*S*H/Father Mulcahey: "Radar does bear a striking resemblance to his mother."

[Ohio8]

First, a correction:
"PLAY TIME"
WINGS/Brian: "Are you kidding? I lit a cigarette."
* * *
"PLAY TIME"
[I]The Golden Girls
Tony (to Sophia)" You're good." Sophia: "A promise is a promise." Tony: "Where does a sweet Sicilian girl like you learn to do those things?" Sophia: "I live with a slut." Tony: "Thank her for me."
Night Court/Dan (to Mac): "Big deal; you just put tab A in slot B. Who can't do that?" Hooker: "You'd be surprised."

S&S/Lamont (to Fred): "...Aunt Esther?" Fred: "And Grip."

[Ohio8]

Correction time:
Wings/Brian: "Are you kidding? I lit a cigarette."
* * *
TALK, TALK
Friends/Ross: "Ah the lesser-known 'I don't have a dream' speech."
Roseanne/Darlene (to Roseanne): "Don't think we don't get your corny
little sex jokes." Roseanne: "Hey! You kids are our corny little sex jokes."

[Ohio8]

TALK, TALK
Three's Company/Helen (to Jack/Janet/Chrissy): "Oh no just put him under the tree I'll unwrap him in the morning."
Night Court/Art: "you bang her in just the right spots; she puts out...heat."
The Andy Griffith Show/Barney (to Andy): "This is a hick town, and I'm a hick deputy doing a hick job in a hick jail."
S&S/Fred (to Lamont): "He don't know a dove from a buzzard."
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"You sure act nutty, Grady....I should call you 'Nutty Grady.'" -- Fred Sanford

[Ohio8]

THE MILITARY
M*A*S*H/Col. Potter (to Hawkeye): "It provides a home." Hawkeye: "Where even the buffalo wouldn't roam."
Col. Potter (to Hawkeye): "...gray matter and olive drab do not necessarily clash."
* * *
DISCIPLINE
...Beaver/Eddie: "Raise a welt, raise a solid citizen."+
* * *
EATS
The Patty Duke Show/Richard: "Dig in it's wild!"