Things I learned from Seinfeld

[Stigmata]

1. Never double dip a chip.

2. Do the opposite of whatever your instincts are.

3. Never "regift" or "degift".

4. Eating your dessert with a fork is very trendy.

5. Midgets prefer to be referred to as "little people".

6. Yelling "Serenity Now", doesn't work.

7. Never date a Virgin, and enter a "contest", at the same time. Something's gotta give!

8. Clowns are scary.

9. Never allow a woman to handcuff you to a bedpost (even if all you have is 8 dollars in your wallet).

10. A Casmir Sweater with a red dot on it has no market value.

11. Never urinate in a public shower

12. Referring to yourself in the third person is fun!

"Jimmy and misunderstandings, kinda clash."

13. Yadda Yadda Yadda

[The T]

This is Brisk! Really cool! Funny! Thanks for puttin it together! I have one for ya:

Don't get cocky with a soup Nazi!

See ya~The T.

[Cosmic Charlie]

And here's another one:

You can't trick a lip-reader

[Maestro]

The Pirate thinks it's funny too.

Pirate's SeinTake: don't take yourself too seriously.

[Brian Damage]

1. Never stick tourists in your dresser drawers.

2. Never sneeze on Pasta Primavera.

3. Don't date a comatose patient's girlfriend.

4. Don't try getting a free ride in a limo.

5. Never falsely accuse someone of being gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

[Maestro]

1) Always go with quality (The Invitations #134)

2) When using a large structure or lot, always remember where you parked. (The Parking Garage #123)

3) Don't suck and use handicapped parking spots. (The Handicapped Spot #62)

4) Be niether a borrower or a lender (The Library #22)

5) Never (for various reasons) repeat, NEVER use a valet service (The Smelly Car #61)

6) When something stinks, you can't give it away! (see above)

7) You can't be 100 percent politically correct, so why bother (The Cigar Store Indian #74) (& we know Jer only tried it in pursuit of 'trim')

8) We all know an idiot (any Kenny Bania epi)

9) Masterbation is normal :D (evidenced by the popularity of The Contest #52)

10) that last one was funny, more later :D

[Maestro]

1) Never take meds unless perscribed by a Dr. (J Chiles: "who told you to put the balm on?")

[Maestro]

It is possible to go years without puking. (go Jerry!)

[BulletTrain]

1. Dont say anthing bad about having a pony to an immigrant

2. Dont wear a suede jacket in the snow

3. Dont put a pez despenser on someones leg during a piano recital

4. Dont take care of a strangers dog

5. Theres no such things as a pig-man

6. Don't play triva persuit with a bubbleboy

7. Don't put your picture on a chirstmas card

8. Don't eat Junior Mints while at an operation.

9. Don't nod your head while your with a low talker, or else you might end up wearing a puffy shirt

10. If fat-free yogurt tastes really good then it's not fat-free.

11. Don't take credit for someone elses big salad.

[RainMan]

I actually learned a few things:

1) Never take "It" out in front of your partner unless THEY take "It" out for you.

AND

2) It shrinks when you have been swimming!



Nate Bush

[Will and Grace Fanatic]

I know what you guys mean Seinfeld has taught me a lot.

[Cassiopeia]

one important thing that was left out:

Don't buy cheap wedding invitations!

[TVLanFan]

More:

1) When you buy a calazone from Pizanno's (sp?), make sure you
have BILLS to pay for them, rather than paying in change.


2) Never let anyone named Gak buy Cuban cigars for you...you'll end up with Peruvians instead, and trying to smoke one of them is like trying to smoke a chicken bone...(however, you CAN pay for the cigars with change, but it could hurt the recipient)


3) Never have a friend call your place of employment with a phony bomb scare threat...you'll end up working at a lucite table with no drawers and no hiding place underneath..


4) Anyone can be bombable, even Jerry

5) When you're at a stop light and you need to pick your nose, make sure there's no supermodel in the car next to you. Otherwise, it could be embarrassing.


More to come later, I'm sure...

[MonarC]

u can be a nerd and still be funny :D

[Dutabi84]

Never get caught staring at a TV Network Executive's daughter's clevage! Especially if he's about to give you a pilot.

[ponerse]

It's not a lie, if you believe it.

[sinatrastar]

1. Taking lobsters out of cages in the Ocean is a bad idea

2. TV Guides are collectable

3. Never buy an alarm clock with a "seperate knob"

4. Dont annoy the wake up call guy

5. Old people steal like crazy

6. My body has an internal alarm clock

7. Candy Bars should be eaten with silverware

8. Never park within jumping distance of a hospital

[ItalianBread]

Dont take legal advice from a golf caddy

[KnightFalls]

moths are the scourge of the resale clothing industry

[sinatrastar]

smoking can make you look really bad.

[sinatrastar]

low-flow is not good

[MillenniumMan831]

If you need a job with the Yankees, insult Steinbrenner.

[DarwinEx]

you can get sexually transmitted diseases from Farm equipment.

[ItalianBread]

The Chinese have a cure for baldness

[wickthayer]

There is indeed a way to perform the roommate switch, but be careful what you ask for.

[sinatrastar]

The location of a lot of good bathroom facilities in New York.

[Brian Damage]

The bladder system does not work.

[TJL]

Don't worry if you're ultra hot girlfriend dumps you. They'll be another one along next week.

;)

[Brian Damage]

Jerry has a computer, but never uses it.

[wickthayer]

I thought he used it a couple of times.

I learned that mail fraud is not really punished very harshly.

[DarwinEx]

Bra's dont fit over shirts very well.

[HeartsOfIron]

LOL - not sure how much of this info is worth learning. We also learned that animals are not buried very deep.

[KnightFalls]

The best man at a lesbian wedding can in fact be a woman.

[Brian Damage]

Don't hire Dominicans to roll crepes.

[wickthayer]

The lady in Titanic was a liar, and a bit of a tramp.

[wickthayer]

Dont eat poppies if you have a drug test coming up.

[WeMissTripper]

Dont let anyone named Poppy sit on your couch.

[wickthayer]

If you have someone stay at your house dont let them sleep on a urine stained couch, or at least dont let them find out about it!

[wickthayer]

The thing in the wall with the three holes is officially known as an outlet.

[sinatrastar]

Always smell milk before you drink it ;)

[KnightFalls]

You get more drink the less ice you have.

[wickthayer]

The guy from Breakfast At Tiffany's was gay.

[wickthayer]

I forgot the obligatory: Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[catlover79]

Never let Elaine dance at the company party. :eek: :rofl:

[Schmoopie]

If you want to date Jerry Seinfeld (and keep him)
Don't have man-hands
Hope he doesn't take you to the Soup Nazi's store for dinner!
Don't eat your peas one at a time
Don't go anywhere near Newman (especially if you've dated him!)
Don't wear the same dress twice
Don't insult Jerry's profession-(especially if you're a cashier!)

I'll have to think of more of these! The others were hilarious!

Andrea