What is your favorite quote?

[ThomasE]

My favorite is from the 2 part episode from the last season when Al and Peg were going to split up:

Peg: Thanks a lot, Al. After 25 years you're finally leaving me satisfied!

[BUNDYBOY]

A fat woman walked into the shoestore today! LOL!!

[ThomasE]

They had a lot of funny quotes on the show. Can you think of any others?

[witnes_the_fitness]

Bud: Come on, you fight like a girl.
Kelly: You pee like one!
Bud: That was a temporary medical condition!

[M82A1]

Oh, man. There is Waaaaaay too many to list, so here are a few of my favorites:

Al: Look, Steve. Why don't you do this? Go home, wake up Marcy and say, "Hey, I lost my money. I screwed up, it won't happen again, and what's for supper?" That's what being a man is all about, Steve. Making mistakes and not caring.
====================================
Peg: I tried to get Al to fix the driveway a long time ago. But his philosophy is why improve a home you're only going to live in anyway?
====================================
Al: Now here's all the money I've got. I want you to go to a pharmacy and get some real medicine!
Kelly: Outside? But Daddy, what if somebody sees my pimple?
Al: Pumpkin, it's dark. Nobody's going to see the pimple.
Kelly: I guess you right. I guess I'm being silly, huh?
[opens door]
Man from distance: Whoa! Look at the zits on the blonde chick!
Kelly: Thank God he didn't see the pimple, huh?
====================================
Bud: Look, Mr. Boondy, I am merely being a professional civil server and I've taken an oath. HOOTERS! HOOTERS! PULL OVER! Oh by the way, Dad, I'm deducting five points. You should never pick up hitchhikers.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[stephy]

Kelly:The prostitution rests

[Chain Gang Member]

Fat Woman:How dare you say that to my face

Al:I would say it behind your back but my car only has a half tank of gas!
____________________________________________________
Kelly:I'm gonna hold my breast until I turn blue
____________________________________________________
Steve:Al I'm horny,what are you gonna do about it?

[BundyFan]

I have many favorite quotes from the show, but I can only remember one off hand. lol

Al: Peg, here's all the money I have, $10 dollars. Now go to the store and buy some food.

Peg: I can do that. I can buy food.

Al: Good dear

Peg: (Chanting) I must buy food, I must buy food, got to buy food, must buy food.

Grey Statue in store window: Buy me

Peg: No, I got to buy food

Grey Statue in window: Buy me

Peg: No, I must buy food

Grey statue: Buy meeee

Peg: Okayyy LOL

Remember that episode?

But my all time favorite quote, and this is in almost every episode, is the Bundy chant.

"WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Bundy" :)

[FoxTailMusic]

Two come to mind:

Al: I wish the world were a fly and I was a giant, rolled up newspaper.

and

Steve: Al, I'm horny, what are goin' do about it?

There are many. many more I love, but those two stand out.

[Steve's Roadhouse]

WOMEN, CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, THE END.

[Ohio8]

Al: "...played Van Halen's 'Jump.' And d****d if the whole herd didn't." Bud: "I believe I've died and gone to Dad's happy box in the basement."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Corporal O'Reilly, who's been like a son to me. Corporal Klinger, who's been like a daughter." -- Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M.D. :D

[bad_boy]

Steve: Al, you realize that tampering with your kids dental records is against the law.
Al: So is dressing up a chicken and calling it your wife.

and

Psycho Dad: [Reading Al's letter] "I like you. I really, really like you. No, not in that way. So please don't let them take you off, I beg you, fight this thing like you would fight a varmit or an ex-wife. Your friend, Al; P.S. What does Barbara Eden look like naked?"
Jefferson: Barbara Eden?
Bob Rooney: She's 1,000.
Al: I didn't mean now.

[ClassicTV4Ever]

Librarian (I forget her name) : Make a promise, keep a promise.
Al: Yeah, yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.

[dlemond]

Librarian (I forget her name) : Make a promise, keep a promise.
Al: Yeah, yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.

LOVE that episode.



DeGROOT: You may take just one book.

AL: Hey, be fair! Can you eat just one pig?


***
DeGROOT: You think anyone can teach you anything?

AL: Well, you've just taught me that even the slightest movement can make a fat person sweat.


***

AL: Well, it just so happens that I returned that book years ago.

DeGROOT: I'd remember if you did.

AL: You weren't here.

DeGROOT: I'm always here.

AL: Not that day... I believe that was the day of the big cake heist. You were rounded up for questioning.
***

DeGROOT: Could it be that you don't have the $2000? Could it be that I was correct when I made an educated guess that you would fail in life?

AL: Could it be that the nails that hold your chair together are from the planet Krypton?

[phoebe7165]

Al(to the male stripper):"Oh, and if my wife loses anything down your pants, so will you."

Or something like that, it's been awhile since I've seen that ep.

[AnneJaye]

Al: "A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today..."

________

Al (to Bud): "Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Dip-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-GET A JOB!"

_________

I can't remember the exact quote, but Al calls his butt a "Shoeman's heiny"

[LucyCompanyPhan]

Al: Quick sweetie, whats the color of an orange?
Kelly: You mean a regular orange?

Kelly: Daddy...
Al: What?
Kelly: I forget....Daddy?
Al: What?
Kelly: I forget again....Don't say what this time....Daddy? (no response) Daddy...? (no response)...DADDY? (screaming)...
Al: WHAT?
Kelly: You made me forget again!!!

[zillas_revenge2]

Al: Peg, you know those newlyweds that just moved in down the street?

Peg: Yeah?

Al: On my way home from work, I peeked in thier window.

Peg: Oh, you're so kinky, baby!!

AL: Heh-Heh, I wanna do what they were doin'.

Peg: OOO, ha ha, what were they doing Al?

Al: THEY WERE EATING!!!!

[Sazaron]

So, I only speak/write in French

Je ne comprends pas comment vous pouvez ne citer que quelques répliques car franchement, moi je les adore toutes: C'est comme de la POESIE!!!!!!!

Tout le monde ne retient que les acteurs (Ed O'neil, Katey Sagal....) Mais il serait juste, je le pense, de rendre hommage aussi aux auteurs qui ont inventé toutes ces situations ainsi que ces dialogues, qui je le répète sont merveilleux!!!
Il est dommage que la Fox est décidé d'arrêter cette série qui a des millions de fans à travers le monde (je suis fier de me compter parmis eux !!)

Car en fait, malgré les quelques disputes (comme dans toutes les familles à travers le monde) les Bundy représentent la famille Idéale.

Sazaron

[Chain Gang Member]

Kelly:Well I was the one who cancelled the date so I'm gonna have to take this like a lady(goes and sits down in her seat)Daddy,go beat him up

Al:Of course,pumpkin(gets up and runs up the stairs and beats up the guy as his date leaves)

I liked when the crowd kept shouting "Yeah!" "Come on Al!"

[CaptainCharisma]

(when Peg wants to have sex)

Al: "Come on Peg, we've been married for 17 years....can't we just be friends?"

[TVFactFan]

My favorite quote

"Women, can't live with them, THE END"-lol

[Unscarred]

There are too many funny lines. I have never laughed out loud on my own so much, than when I'm watching MWC.

I love that line from the ep where Kelly and Jefferson are in that coffee ad together and theres a bed on the set..

Al: "Whats the bed for?"
Director: "You're a married man.." (haha, insinuating sleeping with the wife)
Al: "Yeah... whats the bed for?"

Other hilarious Al Bundy lines...


*Hey, Marcy, what's holding the towel up?

*It must be your mother. Tell her I said 'oink'.

*Peg, did your mother get so fat she spread across the border?

*I had a dream last night. A big red haired mosquito in tight pants was hovering over me sucking money out of my wallet.

*Peg, I'm jealous of everyone not married to you.

*We all have to live with our disappointments... I have to sleep with mine.

*If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave, and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave.

Al telling Marcy how she can be more attractive. "Poke out eyes of every male on earth".
"Ski mask"
"Paper bag over ski mask"
"Stick picture of Cindy Crawford on your back and walk backwards.
"Walk behind attractive woman".
ahahaha.

*Except for the day before the day I met you, this is the happiest day of my life.

*I wouldn't rub your feet if a genie popped out of them.


*Please, Peg, if you have any feelings for me, don't make me
make love to you.


*I hate my life ... can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury my wife in the backyard.


*People who work putting shoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision


*Oh, Lord, if I ever meant anything to you, please let me fall asleep before she thinks of sex.


*Sorry, Peg, I didn't hear you. I was thinking of killing myself.

[Chain Gang Member]

Jefferson(I think):Al,I found your music outside in the garage

Al:Now we know that this person has no taste in music.Wait a minute.I where Michael Bolton was last night.Well if they won't arrest him for his singing,then they wouldn't arrest him from this

[floyd2006]

kelly:why does buck get to take coats upstairs and when I cant have boys in my room?
Peg:because coats cant get pregnant

[Danaishot]

My favorite is from Al, when he said "never wanted to get married, I'm married. Never wanted any kids, I get two of em, how the hell did this happen?" in the Johnny Be Gone episode.

[Ohio8]

Peg (to Al): "Hi honey have you missed me?" Al; "With every bullet so far."

Bud: "...doing the bad thing do make you sleepy."

[Scoobiedoo30]

my Favorite Quote A Fat Women came into The Shoe Store Today.

[LaDolceDita*]

I love that line from the ep where Kelly and Jefferson are in that coffee ad together and theres a bed on the set..

Al: "Whats the bed for?"
Director: "You're a married man.." (haha, insinuating sleeping with the wife)
Al: "Yeah... whats the bed for?"




:lol: that was classic. That episode was so funny.

[floyd2006]

Ive been thinking about this quote all day:

Neighbor: (talking to Al)Hey Bundy im having steak for dinner, what are you having?

Al:Well if I was the mailman I would be having your wife!

[Ohio8]

Kelly:
"Mom and Dad are my relatives, therefore I am.
Use a condom, go to jail.
Buenos nachos.
Down yours.
I wear my heart on a sleaze.
Objection stained.
Right, and the check is in my mouth.
The defense breasts."
:lol:

[John Carovella]

Jefferson: "Since the women are out giving food to the homeless lets go give out singles to the topless!"

Al: "If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave. And if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave."


"These redwood-trees they're over a thousand years old. I'm gonna cut me one of these down and use it for a base for my satellite dish."

"There's so much I want to say but there's a show coming on I want to watch."

Peggy: This is George Washington, the father of our country.
Kelly: I thought that was James Brown.
Peggy: No, he was the Godfather of soul.
Kelly: I thought that was Don Corleone.
Peggy: I think we've had enough for one day.

"I'd have a slice in my mouth and a greasy hooter in my hand, or vice versa."

"Actually the Bundy family motto is; 'Hooters, hooters. Yum yum yum. Hooters on a girl who's dumb.'"

[gotsmart]

When Al gets glasses and can see everything alot clearer and he holds up a picture of Peg and asks Bud and Kelly "What the hell is this?" and Kelly says "That's mom." Then Al screams :lol:

[Raspberry gashes]

Al: "Whats the bed for?"
Director: "You're a married man.." (haha, insinuating sleeping with the wife)
Al: "Yeah... whats the bed for?"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

-I'm gonna find a real man. One who likes girls and hates women.


-Kids: 'We wanna see Tears and Vomit'
-Al: 'You can see that when your mother cooks'.


-Milwaukee. That's the town they build around you mother isn't it, Peg?

-Back then, mother meant cooking but then gay meant happy

-Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job

[SP4CE INV4DERZ]

Here's one of my favs;

Griff - "She got the house, the car and the money...I got the right to remain silent" :lol:

[Belair]

-Kids: 'We wanna see Tears and Vomit'
-Al: 'You can see that when your mother cooks'.

HAHAHA, I laughed for about 10 minutes with that one.

[LuLu Rogers]

Fat Women:2, 4, 6, 8 don't make fun of our weight!

Al:1, 2, 3, 4 you're gonna fall through the floor! :lol:


Fat Woman: We're going to teach you to respect us.

Al: A better use of your time would be teaching each other the words, "No thank you, I'm full.":lol:

[Elizabeth Eden]

^:lol::lol::lol::lol:

That show had some of the greatest lines ever. :rofl:

[Big C]

Got to be Al's baseball rant from "The Unnatural"

I see some of us forget pretty darn quickly, don't we? Well, I don't. Let me paint a picture for you.

May 6, 1982. You brought in a green fresh faced kid. Enter the Bundy era. You were 0 and ten. Bundy took the field.

Let's talk about his glove. Four to three in the ninth against Bob's Cheese Factory. The cleanup man fires a hit through the hole... but no! Bundy dives for the ball, snares it and fires to first. M... V... P.

June 9, 1983. The game on the line. The opposing team drills one to left field where, you, Schotz, were standing frozen. Bundy races to the fence and spears it. M... V... P.
Now, I take you to Bundy on the base paths. A little dribbler hit by you, Pence. Bundy, needing to score to tie the game, lowers his head into the toughest catcher in the league and takes out Ms. Shephouse, separating her shoulder and ending her career. Victory over the Shephouse Knitters. M... V... P.

Now you may have forgotten these memorable moments in Bundy history but my family certainly hasn't.

[Ohio8]

Kelly: "Nothing says........'bridesmaid', or 'easy' like short black leather."

[Ohio8]

Neighbor boy: "I want my mommy." Al: "So does your dad's brother." Marcy: "Guess what....we're going to have a new addition to our family." Al: "Well shouldn't you be sittin' on it, waitin' for it to hatch?"
Announcer: "And now, stay tuned for the show too good for television." Al:
"'Wings'?" Announcer: ";Wings'."

Al (to Jefferson): "Two grand for a Barbie doll...a real woman's not worth that
much."
Bud (sarcastic): "Gee, Mom, thanks for the precious gift of life."

[Ohio8]

Al (to Kelly): "TV is not all trash."
Bud: "I'm in..." Peggy: "Words a male Bundy has never uttered before."

[slip]

Al Bundy quote - "you know Peg that I don't like to beat around the bush unless your in it"

My favorite scene - a fat ugly repair man comes to the Bundy house to fix the fridge and while bending over and showing his crack Al comes home and walks over to the kitchen and says "Peg, what are you doing down there" :lol:

[Ohio8]

Peggy (to Al): "I go too slow, you go too fast. Gee what does that remind you of?"
Marcy (to Al): "Do you have any contraceptives?" Al: "I got a magazine with a picture of Whoopie Goldberg on the cover." Marcy: "That'll do."
Al: "Choc-o-cake, choc-o-cake, eat so much you get a tummyache."

And Al's catchphrase: "Let's rock."

[Ohio8]

Al (to Buck): "Hi there, boy, how are you doin'?" Buck (v.o.): "Well let's just say you won't hear my bitch complain to her friends."

Kelly: "Daddy, do you remember my boyfriend T-Bone?" Al: "No but he sounds delicious." Kelly: "Oh. I'll tell him you said so."

[steevo]

Al (after entering the photo store to develop pictures if himself with the aliens)-
"Pictures come and I never go home. One blonde, two blondes, three blondes, OH".

Also the classic: "WHOAA, Bundy."

[Ohio8]

Al (to Peggy): "Whatever happened to the spirit of do it yourself?" Peggy: "It's alive and well in our bedroom."
Marcy: "Birth control is always the woman's responsibility." Al: "They have the babies..."

Al: "Why are you doing to this me Marcy?" Marcy: "...God's on vacation and he asked me to fill in."
Marcy (to cheerleader): "It's 'Kyoto,' you home entertainment center."
Al (to inspector): "...they might not let you in because the only black person they respect is Ted Danson." Inspector: "Whatchoo talkin' about Bundy?"

[Ohio8]

Peggy (looking at 45): "Wowww Nat King Cole sings 'The Christmas Song'....it's been so long simce I heard Nat without Natalie."

[drshoe1979]

One of my favorite lines throughout the entire series is

Al: Sex again? Peg, we've been married for 16 years. Can't we just be friends?"

I don't know why, but that one ALWAYS cracks me up. Some others:

Kid: I want my mommy!
Al: So does your Dad's brother

Al: Somebody call the police!
Bud: What for? The call costs more than the car
Al: And it costs more than the condom I should have used the night you were conceived!

Kelly: Daddy, I just found out I'm dying. I have Bulgaria. The doctor says it's terminus

Marcy: Peggy, I say this with love: You're the laziest bitch in Chicago

Al: Guys like that get what they deserve!
Pete: He's getting your wife!
Al: Well, let the punishment fit the crime! :lol:

TV: Stay tuned for our afterschool special, "I Drink Cause My Dad's A Shoe Salesman

[drshoe1979]

The funniest part in that episode is where Al and Peg are talking about who gets custody of the TV!

[Ohio8]

Al: "It's only cheating...if you get caught." "Come out, come out, wherever you
are, Daddy's home from the nudie bar."

Bud: "Stuff a bra." Kelly: "Pick a nose."

Al (to Bud): "...explain it to you in the language of the street: (does a hip-hop
beat)Yo. I'm broke." (Al folds his arms.)

[ShamelessFanGirl]

Peggy: "Hi, honey did you miss me?"
Al: "With every bullet so far."

Peggy: And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need BATTERIES ANYMORE.
Al: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DIEHARD.

[ThomasE]

Al: Marcy, you must have been disappointed before. Of course you have...everytime you open up your pajama top.
Marcy: Or your PAJAMA BOTTOMS!

Kelly: See you later.
Bud: Hey, Kel. I see you're wearing your "love me for my mind outfit", again.

As a girl feels Bud's rear end.
Girl: I guess its true. Good things do come in small packages.
Kelly: Then shouldn't you have him turn around?

Kelly: I just feel like I'm giving something back to the community.
Bud: Yeah and to all the other males at the free clinic.

Bud is wearing a six arm bug insect costume.
Kelly: Hey, Bud. If you had another arm, you'd have a date for everynight of the week.

Marcy and Jefferson skinny dipping in their hot tub as Al chainsaws through their fence.

Marcy: Al Bundy! What do you think you're doing?
Al: Going blind if you stand up!

Doorbells rings. Al goes to answer the door and sees Marcy.
Al: Well, its flat and cheesy but its not a pizza.
Marcy: You're ordering out for pizza, Al? Been saving up those paychecks again?

In a successful attempt to make ex Steve jealous.
Marcy: Come on, Jefferson. You can quit this job. I have a new position for you...or two.

Peg and Al are about to get busy.
Al: Ohhh, Peg...
Peg: Ohhh, Lance....

Peg: Well, you got your doll back.
Marcy: Yeah. It was easy after I told that (foreign) family that I'd threaten to turn them in to immigration. (Evil cackle)

Al: Ahhh. Home sweet hell.

Bud: You can't be this dumb.
Kelly: I can be what I wanna be. It's the 90's.

Kelly and Bud make fun of Jerry Mathers (The Beaver)
Jerry Mathers: I may be a has been. My career may not be as hot as it used to be...but at least my father doesn't sell women's shoes.
Kelly and Bud walk away in shame with their heads down.

Peg gives her mother a receipe for raisin bread
Peg: Ma? Yeah. Get a box of raisins, a loaf of bread AND A HAMMER!

Peg: Come on, Kelly. You're a smart girl.
Peg snickers behind Kelly's back.

Marcy insults Al at the gas station where he is working.
Marcy: Hey, Al. Here's something you haven't heard from a woman in a long time, "filler up". Or do I have to confirm the rumors and tell you where to put the nozzle?

Al: Marcy, I'm flattered but it could never work between us. 1) I belong to another. 2) I find you physically repulsive.
Marcy: I don't want you, you shaved ape!

Peg: Steve, it could never work between us. 1) I belong to another. 2) You couldn't handle the ride!

Overweight shoe customer: I'm going to my attorney.
Al: Would that be at the law offices of Hagen and Daas?

[Ohio8]

Kelly (to Marcy): "Hornier than a toad, huh?" Marcy: "Bingo."
Kelly (to Bud): "You don't think I'm good enough to be an actress?" Bud: "You're
hardly a believable Kelly."

[TVFactFan]

Al to Peg?

You spent all the mortgage money? Well on the good side we will be moving to a much more roomier space it goes by the name.........."OUTSIDE"

:lol: :lol:

[suziebee]

Kelly on her modeling school teacher. Her pants said Guess and I said Size 26?

Al - gee office, I don't know how that rifle got into my hands.

Love this show!

[TVFactFan]

AL

"Hey Peg let's really go for it all, how bout we have 2 more kids and move in with your mother?"


:lol: :lol:

[marriedaniac]

"Have us scrape one off the grill so you don't have to scrape one off the street!"

[Dunkin Donuts]

Christmas is not time for regrets, that's what anniversary's are for.